Sounds like you need the help of Dr. Cliff.
Below is his extensive tool kit.
Essential toolkit includes:
Claw Hammer
4-in-1 Screwdriver
A straight fork (not one of your own)
Aggressive Pliers
Filet knife (never-needs-sharpening type)
Swiss Army Knife (a Hong Kong knockoff is OK)
For handy hints about repairing find him at:
http://cardhouse.com/drcliff/garage/tech/techsupport.htm