Bored?

[Andy Zarse]

Barclays has come out with a new service for the terminally bored. You can have live webchat about various financial products with their people in India. I gave it a go last night. Click here if you fancy a go, let us know how you get on...

https://www.barclays.co.uk/webchat/chat_client_skin.html



Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.

Please wait while we find an agent to assist you...
You have been connected to Rakesh K P.
Rakesh K P: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service. My name is Rakesh, can I please ask what your name is?
Customer: Hello Rakesh, I'm Hamish McDiddy
Rakesh K P: Hello Hamish, how are you doing today?
Hamish McDiddy: I am well. Are you well?
Rakesh K P: I am fine, thank you.
Rakesh K P: How can I help you today?
Hamish McDiddy: I am glad that you are fine. I come from Notty Ash.
Rakesh K P: Okay.
Hamish McDiddy: I wonder if it is possible to take a loan for a new roof on my house I share with my friend Mick the Marmaliser? Another friend called Nigel dePompleby set fire to it.
Rakesh K P: We offer both secured and unsecured personal loans.
Rakesh K P: What type of loan are you looking for?
Hamish McDiddy: So the roof would be secured to the loan. I don't think I want an unsecured roof. What if the wind blew too hard, it would come away and I'd be back to square one.
Rakesh K P: Hamish, are you a Barclays customer?
Hamish McDiddy: No I use the Bank of Notty Ash but I could transfer my account. My girlfriend Mabel Threwtuppence banks with Barclays though.
Rakesh K P: We offer Personal loan from Barclaycard for both Barclays and non Barclays customers.
Rakesh K P: This is an unsecured loan where you can borrow between £1000 and £25000 if eligible.
Hamish McDiddy: Okay, so are you saying I have to have a roof made of card? My employer Ken Dodd has reneged on salary payments since 2007, and us Diddymen have now employed solicitors to resolve the matter. A similar earlier pay dispute brought to light Mr Dodd's tax evasion in 1989.

Dodd, who once told staff at the Inland Revenue he didn't owe them a penny because he lived near the seaside, is livid over the claims, and has written a song about it, called F*** The Diddymen
Rakesh K P: I regret that as your questions continues to be inappropriate I am ending this chat.
Rakesh K P: Bye
Thank you for using Barclays WebChat. You may now close this window.
Your session has ended. You may now close this window.

[Nordic]

What great sport!!


Hiren Ashwinkumar Mehta: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service. My name is Hiren, can I please ask what your name is?
Customer: Hi I am looking for a loan
Hiren Ashwinkumar Mehta: Hi.
Hiren Ashwinkumar Mehta: We offer both, secured and unsecured personal loans.
Hiren Ashwinkumar Mehta: Can I ask what type of loan are you looking for?
Customer: Does it matter what the loan is for?
Hiren Ashwinkumar Mehta: Yes, it will decide how much amount you can borrow.
Customer: I am looking to buy some football releated items for my collection
Hiren Ashwinkumar Mehta: Okay.
Hiren Ashwinkumar Mehta: Can you tell me if you are looking for a secured loan or an unsecured personal loan?
Customer: Could I secure the loan against a stadium that would be part of the deal called st james park
Hiren Ashwinkumar Mehta: It seems you do not have genuine query for me today, hence I'm disconnecting this chat. 

[Snoring Rhino]

When reciving cold calls from none UK marketing companies (mainly Asian) It's good sport to ask them where they are caling from, first they tell you the companny again, but say "No No, what town are you in? Ah, whats the weather like?, is it a nice place to live? does your family like it? do you have a big family? Are you married (good one for the female callers) No, do you have a boyfriend? No, Do you want one? I have a friend in ....... who wants a girlfriend, would you like to meet him?? you dont often get this far, maybe we should generate a list of questions and keep score of how far we get.

[JDS]

I think perhaps they have got wise to this one already .... 

No agents are available at this time to take your call. Please try again later.

[Nobby Diesel]

I keep getting the likes of Thames Water call me and ask if I want insurance on our household plumbing and drainage.
I tell them I don't need it, as I do all the repairs myself and steal the parts from B&Q. Can't get cheaper than that.
"Ah, so you're a plumber are you sir?"

"No, but I'll give anything a go"

They run a mile when they think your house is a complete death trap.

[Andy Zarse]

I think perhaps they have got wise to this one already .... 

No agents are available at this time to take your call. Please try again later.

Don't worry just keep trying every ten minutes or so.

[smokie]

I read that to ensure you get through to a UK call centre, when you first get through to India you tell them you only speak Welsh, and need a Welsh speaking call agent. They then transfer you to the UK.

Dunno if it works...

[Lazy B'stard]

 I always ask them a few details when I get a cold caller, name, gender (this pisses off blokes who are obviously blokes when you act suprised and say that it must be the line that makes them sound so feminine) then i ask for which card they will be using and the long number across the top. This totally confuses them.... i then ask them if they think I will give my valuable time for free and I will be charging £1.60 per minute for the conversation (with a minimum charge of £25). If at this point they do not hang up I really let rip, something like 'look if you cannot afford to pay for my services f**k off and waste someone elses time and don't ever call this number again until you can afford it- also this call has been recorded for training purposes...now feck off'
 Don't get much trouble now but its fun when I do

[Stu]

When the Double Glazing people used to ring up, I used to tell them I wanted a conservatory. Everything went well with the excited telesales person until the address bit came and I told them I lived on the 10th floor of a local block of flats which invariably then involved them hanging up.
I also once got some business person ringing me up at my part time place of work  to speak to the boss. Can't remember how it came about but he ended up calling me a plonker (which is probably true) and hung up. Luckily the idiot had not with held the number so I rang back a few hours later offering dental insurance. After a few times with him insisting that he didn't need it, I told him he probably will when I come down there and kick his f**k*ng teeth out.  Also rang a few times through the night saying we were promoting arseholes in his area and he was top of the list. Didn't seem to pleased at 3 in the morning. 

[Mr. Rick]

When the Double Glazing people used to ring up, I used to tell them I wanted a conservatory. Everything went well with the excited telesales person until the address bit came and I told them I lived on the 10th floor of a local block of flats which invariably then involved them hanging up.
I also once got some business person ringing me up at my part time place of work  to speak to the boss. Can't remember how it came about but he ended up calling me a plonker (which is probably true) and hung up. Luckily the idiot had not with held the number so I rang back a few hours later offering dental insurance. After a few times with him insisting that he didn't need it, I told him he probably will when I come down there and kick his f**king teeth out.  Also rang a few times through the night saying we were promoting arseholes in his area and he was top of the list. Didn't seem to pleased at 3 in the morning. 

Brilliant .. good work fella!