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lofty
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« Reply #2400 on: December 05, 2015, 04:39:45 pm » |
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This pic reminds me of half a dozen knob ends stood next to each other in the gunniess tent messing about with their phones when they could havin the craic.
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J.E.D.I.
i dont want to be in a club
i want to be in a gang
or perhaps a drinking order
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Lorry
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« Reply #2401 on: December 06, 2015, 04:03:46 pm » |
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I don't understand it either - they could do that at home.
Did you see the Oscar Pistorius Advent calendar by Smirnoff? There's a shot behind every door
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« Last Edit: December 06, 2015, 04:10:57 pm by Lorry »
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GENTLEMEN - Start your livers
For and on behalf of the Kent Kronenberg Owners Club
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landman
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« Reply #2402 on: December 22, 2015, 08:37:13 pm » |
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The guy who invented predictive text died yesterday - his funfair is next monkey.
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Crouch..........bind..........set
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lofty
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« Reply #2403 on: February 19, 2016, 07:06:36 pm » |
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Care needed when sign writting a van
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J.E.D.I.
i dont want to be in a club
i want to be in a gang
or perhaps a drinking order
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lofty
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« Reply #2404 on: February 19, 2016, 07:13:16 pm » |
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A couple were in the art gallery in Cardiff looking at a picture of 3 naked black men sitting on a park bench. They had been studing the picture for 10 minutes wondering why the man in the middle had a pink Willy and the other 2 had black ones when the curator spotted them and gave them a talk about African American history. After the curators talk a Welsh man stood next to the couple and said the 3 blokes were all coal miners and the one in the middle had gone home for lunch.
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J.E.D.I.
i dont want to be in a club
i want to be in a gang
or perhaps a drinking order
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lofty
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« Reply #2405 on: April 26, 2016, 06:32:15 pm » |
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Last week on my way back from the pub the old bill pulled me over.
Where you going at this time of night sonny?
im on way to a lecture about drinking smoking and staying out late sir, i replied.
At 2am whos giving a lecture at 2am?
My wife i said.
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J.E.D.I.
i dont want to be in a club
i want to be in a gang
or perhaps a drinking order
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enzo
CA Veteran
Sr. Member
 Offline
Posts: 361
!!!
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« Reply #2406 on: May 03, 2016, 05:42:43 pm » |
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An actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland
1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.
5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.
8. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
9. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.
WELL DONE ... NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, WASH YOUR HANDS AND GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF.
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"The great fallacy is that the game is first and last about winning. It's nothing of the kind. The game is about glory. It's about doing things in style, with a flourish, about going out and beating the other lot, not waiting for them to die of boredom."
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lofty
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« Reply #2407 on: August 01, 2016, 07:42:00 pm » |
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New development for next year.
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J.E.D.I.
i dont want to be in a club
i want to be in a gang
or perhaps a drinking order
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Kev_mk3
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« Reply #2408 on: August 02, 2016, 01:23:40 pm » |
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New development for next year.
Im not going to ask anyone to stick another log in the fire |
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lofty
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« Reply #2409 on: August 02, 2016, 10:36:06 pm » |
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Thing is Kev you just flush to put out the bbq. But remember the bowl might still be hot for some time after.
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J.E.D.I.
i dont want to be in a club
i want to be in a gang
or perhaps a drinking order
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landman
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« Reply #2410 on: November 11, 2016, 02:38:41 pm » |
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Paddy thought that he'd met "the one". The one he would spend the rest of his life with.
But one night, left alone in their flat, he was bored and decided to rifle through her drawers.
At the back of the bottom drawer he found a french maid's outfit, a nurses's uniform and a police woman's uniform plus handcuffs.
"f**k me!" said Paddy, "if she can't make up her mind about what career she wants to follow how can this girl ever become my wife?"
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Crouch..........bind..........set
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lofty
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« Reply #2411 on: November 25, 2016, 07:44:34 pm » |
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A Young woman was on the golf course practising what she learnt in her lesson when she was stung by a bee. The pain was so intense she staggered back to the club house for some help. When she saw one of the pro golfer she explained what happened. Where did you get stung? asked the pro. Between holes 1 and 2 she said. The pro looked shocked. Then said well miss your legs were too far apart.
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J.E.D.I.
i dont want to be in a club
i want to be in a gang
or perhaps a drinking order
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Jules G
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« Reply #2412 on: December 02, 2016, 10:15:11 am » |
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I just bought a Jehovah's Witness advent calendar.
Every time you open a door someone tells you to f"c% off.
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landman
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« Reply #2413 on: December 15, 2016, 02:30:05 pm » |
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A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.
So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your
note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk.
Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said,
"No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
Wait for it
The blonde said,
"No, just up to my tits ...
I can splash it on my eyes if I need to!"
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Crouch..........bind..........set
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smokie
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« Reply #2414 on: December 15, 2016, 07:10:51 pm » |
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From the last century... :-)
She said she'd like to bathe in milk
He said alright sweetheart
And when he finished work one night
He loaded up the cart
He said you wanted pasturised
Coz pasturised is best
She says Ernie I'll be happy
If it comes up to me chest
And that tickled old Ernie (Ernie)
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west
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