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nickliv
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« Reply #2355 on: September 06, 2013, 10:28:01 pm » |
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I'm delighted. After 18 months of looking, I've finally found myself a deaf sheepdog.
They're surprisingly hard to come by.
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If I had all the money I've ever spent on drink, I think on balance, I'd probably spend it on drink.
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landman
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« Reply #2356 on: September 07, 2013, 12:58:45 pm » |
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Not sure if this should be posted in this thread or the YouTube thread, however as its not car related and it's a funny I chose to post it here. Very def NSFW: - http://youtu.be/6JXlF3SbnqE |
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Crouch..........bind..........set
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landman
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« Reply #2357 on: November 06, 2013, 11:19:32 pm » |
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What have a burnt piece of toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common?
In both cases you wish you pulled it out a few seconds earlier.
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Crouch..........bind..........set
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LuxExpat
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« Reply #2358 on: November 07, 2013, 02:28:24 pm » |
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What have a burnt piece of toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common?
In both cases you wish you pulled it out a few seconds earlier.
Quoted so Paul can't escape the shame of living in 1995.  |
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Bob U
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« Reply #2359 on: November 13, 2013, 02:46:52 pm » |
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I was sitting at a red light yesterday, minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no oncoming traffic.
A car-load of bearded young, loud Muslims, shouting anti-British slogans, with a half- burned Union Jack flag duct-taped to the boot lid of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray-painted on the side, stopped next to me.
Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akhbar!" and took off before the light changed.
Out of nowhere a bus came speeding through the junction and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Bloody hell! That could have been me !"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a bus driver.
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There is a corner of a foreign field that will be forever England ------ Houx Annexe
And the bastards have built on it.
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Grand_Fromage
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« Reply #2360 on: December 04, 2013, 08:07:39 pm » |
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Time to bump the joke thread...  |
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Jules G
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« Reply #2361 on: December 04, 2013, 08:13:13 pm » |
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Q: What is Nigella doing on her new Xmas show?
A: Cold turkey.
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nickliv
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« Reply #2362 on: December 04, 2013, 09:54:34 pm » |
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I opened the door slowly, and my gaze fell on a leather clad woman brandishing a whip.
That's the last time I buy an advent calendar in Lidl
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If I had all the money I've ever spent on drink, I think on balance, I'd probably spend it on drink.
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Jules G
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« Reply #2363 on: March 06, 2014, 03:57:11 pm » |
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A drunk bloke walks past a man repairing a car.
"What's up?" says the drunk.
"Piston broke", says the mechanic.
"Ha ha" answers the drunk, "Me too!"
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Canada Phil
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« Reply #2364 on: May 17, 2014, 03:00:25 am » |
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Missing wife ..
A husband went to the police station to file a "missing person" report for his missing wife:
Husband :-I lost my wife, she went shopping & hasn't come back yet.
Inspector :-What is her height ?
Husband:-I never checked.
Inspector :-Slim or healthy ?.
Husband:-Not slim can be healthy.
Inspector :-Color of eyes ?
Husband :-Never noticed.
Inspector :-Color of hair ?
Husband :-Changes according to season.
Inspector :-What was she wearing?
Husband :Not sure whether it was a dress or a suit.
Inspector :-Was she driving?
Husband :-yes.
Inspector :-tell me the number,name & color of the car ? . .. . . .
Husband :-black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode.And it has full LED headlights,which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door.….and then the husband started crying...
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Inspector:-Don't worry sir,... . .We will find your car.
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Jules G
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« Reply #2365 on: August 15, 2014, 01:14:50 pm » |
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What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
A: I wouldn't pay £100 to have a lentil on my face.
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Kev_mk3
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« Reply #2366 on: August 21, 2014, 09:40:33 pm » |
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What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
A: I wouldn't pay £100 to have a lentil on my face.
reminds me of this - Whats the difference between Jam and Marmalade? You cant Marmalade your c**k in a girls a**e............ |
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landman
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« Reply #2367 on: August 24, 2014, 06:56:02 pm » |
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The Environment Agency are about to issue a hosepipe ban as 63,000,000 gallons of water have been wasted by people doing the Ice Bucket Challenge.
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Crouch..........bind..........set
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Kev_mk3
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« Reply #2368 on: September 10, 2014, 09:46:08 pm » |
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Michael J Fox selfie:  |
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lofty
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« Reply #2369 on: September 17, 2014, 08:52:24 pm » |
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speed hump
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J.E.D.I.
i dont want to be in a club
i want to be in a gang
or perhaps a drinking order
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