Chavalier

[Lord Pig-Pen]

After winning the lottery last week I have been lucky enough to buy a one owner from new gold H plate chavalier for £250.
As I work in Portsmouth I need the car to fit in with the locals.... any tips???

[mike(liverpool boys)]

Huge racing spoiler from halfords,bolt on exhaust trim,chrome look wheel trims and a stick on bonnet vent and you should be sorted 

[nickliv]

Vinyl roof, flames on the front arches to disguise the rust, 3 alloys and a space saver, black bin bag over the passenger rear window, tons of kenwood stickers, a hole smashed in the silencer (s?) with a mash hammer, blue light washer jets, twin headlamp conversions done with gaffa tape. Questionable sun strip, and wobbly hand painted GT40 stripes.

And a CA sticker, so everyone who matters knows you're taking the piss.

[mike(liverpool boys)]

And the air box missing to make it sound "powerful"

[Leftie]

Very essential:-



Plus a few minature shirts in the back window.  Kanu, James etc.

[Lord Pig-Pen]

Vinyl roof, flames on the front arches to disguise the rust, 3 alloys and a space saver, black bin bag over the passenger rear window, tons of kenwood stickers, a hole smashed in the silencer (s?) with a mash hammer, blue light washer jets, twin headlamp conversions done with gaffa tape. Questionable sun strip, and wobbly hand painted GT40 stripes.

And a CA sticker, so everyone who matters knows you're taking the piss.

You seem to know alot about this... did I see you in an Astra GTE matching most of the above this afternoon.... Perhaps not as this one had a massive but badly fitting sound system, so everything rattled as it cruised past with driver with baseball cap at a jaunty angle smoking a big roll up cigarette. Class!

[nickliv]

Nope. I'm from the arse end of west Cumbria, but I have spent a while on the south coast, and it struck me that some of the 'cultures' are similar.

I was thinking about a gargantuan set of bass bins, but usually the kenwood stickers make up for the lack of a genuine sound system.

Are there loads of council diamonds under the drivers seat? (Remnants of a window that lost a fight with half a brick?)

[alibongo]

Hey you guys forgot the two blue washer jet lights

[Lord Pig-Pen]

Nope. I'm from the arse end of west Cumbria, but I have spent a while on the south coast, and it struck me that some of the 'cultures' are similar.

I was thinking about a gargantuan set of bass bins, but usually the kenwood stickers make up for the lack of a genuine sound system.

Are there loads of council diamonds under the drivers seat? (Remnants of a window that lost a fight with half a brick?)

Luckily my Chav has spent all its life with one old dude in Burley in the New forest so has not suffered the things that happen in areas of "culture". Sure if it had come from pompey it would be a different story... diamonds, bass bins, "Rockford Fosgate" stickers (is that gear still cool/stealable?) and the like. I will however be avoiding the blue LED washer jets that have been mentioned a couple of times.... I think they will mesmorise the Deer I meet in the drive most nights even more than the headlights do... dont want to dent the old girl do I!!

[alibongo]

Hey you have just got to have a shopping list down each door 

[Lazy B'stard]

You can do what you want to the car but you'll never get the look right unless you have that slightly inbred runt look with a good smattering of acne. Dress is important too- think track suit, big white trainers and a cap placed above the head- not quite on it. Very important that one. You will also need to spit constantly, 'tap' fags and have one hand permanently down the front of tracksuit bottoms. To finish off you need a bottle blond bird who would not look out of place on Jeremy Kyle.
 Result!

[garyfrogeye]

I think you'll fine that hand down front of tracksuit is now passe.
This years look demands hand up tracksuit top feeling gut. Please remember to touch knuckles when greeting others and incorperate a rythmic limp when walking. Never walk fast except from the scene of a crash and make sure you have no MOT or insurance on the car.
It goes without saying that you won't tell DVLA that you are the new owner.
Gold jewellery (hopefully knocked off) both on the body and in the mouth are de riguer.
Remember that the car boot sale is your friend.

[Robspot]

Quality thread but don't forget the ultimate finishing touch

http://tinyurl.com/2tah9r

It's even got a St George symbol on it so you can "stamp" people when you punch them

[garyfrogeye]

QUALITY BLING
Is it available in all branches or do I have to specially order it.

[mgmark]

With all of this attention to detail over the appearance of the car and the occupant, don't forget that the "lived-in" look inside the car is just as important. 

Think empty fag packets, lighters, pop bottles, tins of red bull, crisp packets and Mcdonalds packaging.  Loose selection of CDs (no cases) scattered around.  Fag burns on the upholstery.  Loose wires dangling from under dashboard in vicinity of ignition key barrel.  Screwdriver. 

MG Mark