PORTSMOUTH EXPRESS

[engineerjim]

  :(If any body is going to PQ this weekend and is booked on the Portsmouth Express form Portsmouth to Cherbourg be warned that I have just found out that it has been taken out of service.  P&O say it should be back in service by end of MAY!!!

I hope so.

[Andy Zarse]

Good. I hope it f**k*ng sinks. This vomit vessel should be scuttled off the Needles without further delay.

We went to the race on it last year and I have to say it was one of the most unpleasant experiences ever. There was a bit of a rough sea and within thirty minutes of sailing from Pompey, the whole boat was awash with sick. The acidic stink was absolutely unbelievable. Parties of skool kids were spraying it all over their teachers, who were drenched to the socks in bile and half digested baked beans and tomato skins. A bloke a few seats away spent an hour holding it down and when the pressure got too much, with an almighty heave, he projectiled all over the seat back in front of him producing a multicoloured fountain of puke. It sounded like Whhherrrpppaarrgghhh! Splash!

I was very impressed with the impeccable manners of a  elderly woman several seats away on the other side. She did it in quite a gentile way, pouring it into a sick bag without making any retching noise. It sounded just like a tin of tomatos being emptied into a saucepan. Very considerate but I think you'll agree it's not very nice when you're trying to eat, it nearly put me off my fried breakfast.

The crowning glory was when I slipped over backwards in a pool of spew in the toilets. Well I say spew, it was really more like a long streak of dog slother with all bubbles in it. My hand went in it and it was stone cold. GAKK!!

I could go on....

Even the duty free shop shut as bottles were crashing to the floor.

I hope you've got the picture. Never ever again!

Andy Z

[Alfa Dave]

That reads just like an advert for Eurotunnel.......

I shall be mostly crossing on a train.

[Pidgeon]

Good. I hope it f**cking sinks. This vomit vessel should be scuttled off the Needles without further delay.

We went to the race on it last year and I have to say it was one of the most unpleasant experiences ever. There was a bit of a rough sea and within thirty minutes of sailing from Pompey, the whole boat was awash with sick. The acidic stink was absolutely unbelievable. Parties of skool kids were spraying it all over their teachers, who were drenched to the socks in bile and half digested baked beans and tomato skins. A bloke a few seats away spent an hour holding it down and when the pressure got too much, with an almighty heave, he projectiled all over the seat back in front of him producing a multicoloured fountain of puke. It sounded like Whhherrrpppaarrgghhh! Splash!

I was very impressed with the impeccable manners of a  elderly woman several seats away on the other side. She did it in quite a gentile way, pouring it into a sick bag without making any retching noise. It sounded just like a tin of tomatos being emptied into a saucepan. Very considerate but I think you'll agree it's not very nice when you're trying to eat, it nearly put me off my fried breakfast.

The crowning glory was when I slipped over backwards in a pool of spew in the toilets. Well I say spew, it was really more like a long streak of dog slother with all bubbles in it. My hand went in it and it was stone cold. GAKK!!

I could go on....

Even the duty free shop shut as bottles were crashing to the floor.

I hope you've got the picture. Never ever again!

Andy Z

What an advertising executive you would make for the cruise lines, You sure can tell it like it is.  
Pidgeon

[Matt Harper]

Andy
Waaaaaay too much information on the up-chucking antics of your shipmates. I was always less uncomfortable with P&O - I figured Sealink were the horror story of the channel and shunned them unless I had no other option.
Is it just that the Portsmouth Express an old tub - or was the weather the main culprit? A bit of a 'chop' was always good news, in my opinion - much smaller queues at the bar.
Before I left UK, I had taken to using the tunnel - far less stressful - even though it was a slightly longer drive on the French side. It also disciplined me not to get hammered before the deathride to the circuit, as I shamefully used to, when using the ferry.

[Andy Zarse]

Hi Matt

The P&O Pompey Express is one of these high tech  twin-hulled catamarans, constructed of alloy and plastic. It is designed to travel at 35 knots and gets to Cherboug in about two hours forty five. Which is fine when the channel is like a mill pond but don't even go there if it blows over a force 2.

It's definitley not for those who suffer from motion sickness!

Andy Z

PS Sorry if I made you feel ill, but think what it did to me.

[powermite]

Andy Z
Me and Mrs PM had one of the best laughs for a long time reading your description.I can still hear her chuckling out in the kitchen now!!

PM

[engineerjim]

I must admit that last year it was a bit choppy .  The trouble is that the express has an outside deck the size of a postage stamp so therers nowhjere else to go to chuck up.

I think this yearI had better wear my wellies and all weather gear.

[BigH]

Pidge! Welcome and Hello there, I thought we'd lost you, man overboard from the old site!
Yes, Andy's description cracked me up as well, we've all being there.
Straying, somewhat emetically from the Le Mans theme, the worst crossing I ever had was on the Hoverspeed, organs got re-arranged on that one. As no-ones passport had a picture of a green person in it, I'm surprised they let anyone off the craft. The old boy next to me went through the same procedure as the old lady described by Andy, and then went fishing about in the bag for his teeth! The violent tossing around, from peak to trough, had turned the river of puke on the floor, to a fine haze suspended in the air. Just the time to order a tin of Guinness!
H

[Andy Z]

Hey PM

Is Mrs PM in the kitchen chuckling or chucking?

When we were kids, my dear old Grandad used to use a saying at Christmas dinner to upset my mother. "Lads" he'd say, "Lads, if you were up to your neck in a barrel of sick and somone tipped a bucket of flem on you, would you duck?" As kids we loved to see my mothers reaction; berzerk! Quite a few merry xmases ruined by that one I can tell you. I still use it today if there is ever a need to break the ice at a party.

Final word on the subject, I hate sick as much as the next man, more probably. But I seem to be cursed by it, it's everywhere I go! Only in February, I slipped over in some going to an important meeting in Edinburgh. Fortunately, it  was frozen to the pavement, so no harm done.

Andy Z

[smokie]

That reads just like an advert for Eurotunnel.......

I shall be mostly crossing on a train.

Mostly? What about the rest of you then?

[Alfa Dave]

Fast show reference - or should it have read moistly?

[Andy]

Bloody entertaining read that were, and for a lot of comments like BigH's...
i am booked on the twin tub for the June Jount, so i will comare stories of it at the big meeting at the shampoo bar on saturday night of the race.
bon vommiting