Have to admit to 'undertaking' on several occasions
I'll just add:-
each journey
Bloody Aberdeenshire.
Necessary requirements to receive an Aberdeenshire driver's licence...
1. A face to put on the licence
2. Money to pay all required licensing fees
Basic skills taught by Aberdeenshire driving instructors...
1. It is absolutely crucial to slam your brakes on if you see any flashing lights ahead of you or on the side of the road.
2. It is absolutely crucial to slam your brakes on if you see brakes lights less than 1 mile in front of you.
3. It is necessary to test your brakes no less than 3 times during each 5 mile stretch of road.
4. Bright sunlight and driving is a deadly combination, reduce your speed by 45MPH on sunny days.
5. Rain and driving is a deadly combination, reduce your speed by 55MPH on rainy days.
6. Snowy roads can only be successfully navigated by Sport Utility Vehicles at high speeds.
7. Indicators are used by other drivers to warn you that they want to cut you off, speed up to avoid this situation.
8. Indicators are unnecessary in Aberdeenshire. Use of signal lights may cause a collision with other cars.
9. If another uses his/her horn to alert you to their presence, they are an idiot. Show them a vulgar hand gesture.
10. When approaching a junction, it is legal to run a red light if an approaching car is more than 50ft from your car.
11. At a junction where an approaching car is less than 50ft from you, ease into their lane to make them stop, then proceed.
12. Give Way signs are placed in areas where incredible collision dangers exist. Stop and take a good look around before proceeding.
13. When preparing to turn, alert drivers behind you of your intentions by applying your brakes 5ft before your turn.
14. If you decide to indicate before making a turn, don't wear down the bulbs, signal as you turn.
15. Cars are equipped with headlights to aid visibility, if you can see, then using headlights is an unnecessary waste.
16. If an approaching car flashes his headlights at you and you do not have yours on, they didn't mean to do it.
17. Drivers attempting to pass you on a two lane road are criminals and must be kept behind you at all costs. Speed up!
18. Any driver approaching rapidly from behind on a highway is trying to trick you into moving over. Show him you're not fooled.
19. If making a right-hand turn, position your car to prevent other drivers from going by on the left to keep them safe.
20. Fire engines and ambulances coming from behind with sirens and lights flashing are just showing off. Ignore them.
21. Mirrors are put on car doors to make them look good.
22. When changing lanes on a dual carriageway, if you cannot hear any cars next to you, it is safe to go.
23. A policeman that has another driver pulled over cannot hear well outside, reduce your speed by 55Mph.
24. Articulated Lorries are large, dangerous, and unpredictable. Do not make any lane changes when one approaches from behind.
25. Always remember that you are the smartest & best driver on the road.
