A Hypothetical Lap of Silverstone

[Steve Pyro]

There you go then...... 4 people in an MGF = QED

Surely they would have been better off in a helicopter?

[BigH]

Surely they would have been better off in a helicopter?

So would I Steve, or even an MGF...

[Steve Pyro]

Can I suggest one of these H,

[smokie]

Wow, with one of those who needs a tent?

[SteveZarse]

...or you could try the new 1409LM, which also includes breakdown recovery (physical or emotional) and a built-in sh!tbox. Oh, and it's white so you look more like the michelin man than a tellytubby

[Ferrari Spider]

I like the idea of Hard Soles for better traction, I'll have couple please Mr Brown

[Steve Pyro]

Non skid traction - no less 

[Ferrari Spider]

What every Vulcan needs

[Lorry]

I prefer this http://www.anchorsupplies.com/suit1.jpg

[Ferrari Spider]

Don't know if you are into diving but it is possible to have a pleasure dive in the old style hard hat suits.

http://www.portlandoceaneering.com/diving.htm

not done it myself and to be honest i think you have to be mad.  absolutely no chance of getting back to the surface on your own steam

[BigH]

Can I suggest one of these H,

Holy Sh*t Steve!
So that's what you get up to in the garden shed during those long winter nights, I'd recognize those beady eyes anywhere.
It lacks a gimp mask, but I still reckon it would go down a treat at Sunday morning Mass, stepping into the confessional in one of those and clearing your throat would strike fear into the heart of any Man of God. I see the front zipper is corrosion proof, a wise move, but the lack of a zippered patch at the rear has got me worried. How many movements do you reckon would fit in there before it started to leak out from around the adjustable spray shield around the face?
Talking about movements, did anyone share the same experience as me in the squatters at LM this year? I don't know if it was the diet or the weather, or, God forbid, the company, but I remember slipping into one in an initially buoyant frame of mind on Sunday morning. You know how it is, you drop your shorts and assume the position and start straining. What followed was a new one on me, there wasn't really much action at first, then the gattling gunning started, armour piercing ball bearings shooting out at rapid, though uneven intervals and richocheting around the cubicle, I could have done with some safety goggles and was lucky to get away with a couple of small nicks. By now, you're getting a little knackered, and your legs are starting to shake so you try and compensate by taking your hands of your knees and pressing them to (the very near) walls. Sweat beads are forming on your brow. The bullets must have been a "plug", as the real action now started, and images of Boscombe Bay came to mind, and if there'd been a Post Office nearby, it would have been swept away. I can confirm that removing your shorts completely is a good idea, as is training up your thigh muscles, I was shaking like a leaf and grimacing like a monkey in a NASA centrifuge by then, and any thoughts of clearing up just weren't entertained.
And yet, you, or at least I, manage to exit the cubicle, not looking good, but with a straight face, nod to the next guy in the queue and say "it's all yours, mate"
Hours of endless fun, ones toilet.
H

[Andy Zarse]

Can I suggest one of these H,

Holy Sh*t Steve!

 The bullets must have been a "plug", as the real action now started, and images of Boscombe Bay came to mind, and if there'd been a Post Office nearby, it would have been swept away.

This is also known as "the safety car pulling into the pit lane"; once the lights on the roof go out, you know the race is about to begin in earnest...

Anyhow, it seems you certainly "Won the Golden Ticket", i.e. you were afforded lots of mischief in the chocolate factory.

[Lorry]

Going back to the hypothetical lap, I'm sure it didn't happen, because security is so tight, like at Brands Hatch, where about an hour after lighting a bonfire, it exploded.  It was like the starship Enterprise going into warpdrive, all these little lights shooting past, but red not white.  Anyway, about half an hour later security came along to tell us off for the bonfire, and by then even the crater had stopped smouldering so we told them to f**k off.  One or two of the tents looked like lace curtains.  We still don't know how it happened.

[Dark Warrior]

I don't know about movements in Boscome Bay, H, but I was involved in a movement his year on Saturday morning that Charles Clarke should ban... I wandered from our encampment very, very, very hungover with that slightly loose feeling round the midrif and nether regions that one gets first thing the morning after the night before and I joined the queue for the traps at the bottom of MB...

As we all know, at LM it can take some time before one can sit down, grasp the the straining bars and take care of business of a morning but, as with the rest of the gents there, I waited patiently in line...

10 mins then 20 mins go by... and I began to realise my 'Leave Tent, Wait, Dump' timing is very severely awry... The front of the queue was still a good 10 minutes away... when the turtles head slowly but surely forced its way into the subdued light of my shorts.... Cloth was being touched by his little nose... There was no way he was going to be denied his bid for freedom...

Things were looking decidedly embarrassing for me and unfortunate for all around me... when hallelujah, there appeared an empty trap.. in the ladies block and there were no ladies in the queue...

Apologising to all around me I hastened my way (in a gait used never before or since) to the trap... where the turtle completed his escape... and bejesus the animal life behind him...

He's making a swim for it, when there was a sound that was akin to the noise made by a flock of pigeons exiting their basket on the long flight back to the loft... coupled with a massive physical sense of relief...

I go on record now if there were any CA'ers (or anyone else for that matter) there that morning, the need was genuine... and I didn't leave a mess for any of the fairer sex...

There is a footnote to this sorry tale, I had an MRI ticket... If I had had my wits about me I could have walked up there and used their traps... I am embarrarassed to this day....

DW

[Andy Zarse]

Hubble bubble, toilet trouble! DW, it's a great tale and one we can all identify with. I think we've all been there, when we know what we need to do but the brain is not capable of working out the best way to do it.  Some of you may remember me recounting my episode in the German's tent in Parking Rouge some years ago.  I think they're still looking for me.