Very cheap travel to the US

[Fax]

Don't even think about Detroit!  The local homey's would just as soon bust a cap in some crackers white ass than give them directions.

[Andy Zarse]

I didn't understand a word of that Fax but it doesn't sound too pleasant.

Don't understand this either:


Customer walks in the Henry Wenslydale's Cheese shop and walks past the bazouki player.
Customer: Good Morning.

Wenslydale: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium!

Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.

Wenslydale: What can I do for you, Sir?

Customer: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through "Rogue Herrys" by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish.

Wenslydale: Peckish, sir?

Customer: Esuriant.

Wenslydale: Eh?

Customer: 'Ee, Ah wor 'ungry-loike!

Wenslydale: Ah, hungry!

Customer: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little fermented curd will do the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and perpetrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles!

Wenslydale: Come again?

Customer: I want to buy some cheese.

Wenslydale: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bazouki player!

Customer: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!

Wenslydale: Sorry?

Customer: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too!

Wenslydale: So he can go on playing, can he?

Customer: Most certainly! Now then, some cheese please, my good man.

Wenslydale: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?

Customer: Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester.

Wenslydale: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of red Leicester, sir.

Customer: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit?

Wenslydale: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday.

Customer: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please.

Wenslydale: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.

Customer: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Bel Paese?

Wenslydale: Sorry, sir.

Customer: Red Windsor?

Wenslydale: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.

Customer: Ah. Stilton?

Wenslydale: Sorry.

Customer: Ementhal? Gruyere?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Any Norweigan Jarlsburg, per chance.

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Lipta?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Lancashire?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: White Stilton?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Danish Brew?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Double Goucester?

Wenslydale: (pause) No.

Customer: Cheshire?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Dorset Bluveny?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq, Port Salut, Savoy Aire, Saint Paulin, Carrier de lest, Bres Bleu, Bruson?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Camenbert, perhaps?

Wenslydale: Ah! We have Camenbert, yessir.

Customer: (surprised) You do! Excellent.

Wenslydale: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...

Customer: Oh, I like it runny.

Wenslydale: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.

Customer: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah!

Wenslydale: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.

Customer: I don't care how f**k*ng runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.

Wenslydale: Oooooooooohhh........!

Customer: What now?

Wenslydale: The cat's eaten it.

Customer: (pause) Has he.

Wenslydale: She, sir.

(pause)

Customer: Gouda?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Edam?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Case Ness?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Smoked Austrian?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Japanese Sage Darby?

Wenslydale: No, sir.

Customer: You...do *have* some cheese, don't you?

Wenslydale: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a cheese shop, sir. We've got--

Customer: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.

Wenslydale: Fair enough.

Customer: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale.

Wenslydale: Yes?

Customer: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!

Wenslydale: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Wensleydale, that's my name.

(pause)

Customer: Greek Feta?

Wenslydale: Uh, not as such.

Customer: Uuh, Gorgonzola?

Wenslydale: no

Customer: Parmesan,

Wenslydale: no

Customer: Mozarella,

Wenslydale: no

Customer: Paper Cramer,

Wenslydale: no

Customer: Danish Bimbo,

Wenslydale: no

Customer: Czech sheep's milk,

Wenslydale: no

Customer: Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?

Wenslydale: Not *today*, sir, no.

(pause)

Customer: Aah, how about Cheddar?

Wenslydale: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.

Customer: Not much ca--It's the single most popular cheese in the world!

Wenslydale: Not 'round here, sir.

Customer: {pause}and what IS the most popular cheese 'round hyah?

Wenslydale: 'Illchester, sir.

Customer: IS it.

Wenslydale: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.

Customer: Is it.

Wenslydale: It's our number one best seller, sir!

Customer: I see. Uuh...'Illchester, eh?

Wenslydale: Right, sir.

Customer: All right. Okay. 'Have you got any?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'.

Wenslydale: I'll have a look, sir... nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.

Customer: It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?

Wenslydale: Finest in the district!

Customer: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.

Wenslydale: Well, it's so clean, sir!

Customer: It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese....

Wenslydale: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Limburger, sir.

Customer: Would it be worth it?

Wenslydale: Could be....

Customer: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF!

Wenslydale: Told you sir....

Customer: (slowly) Have you got any Limburger?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me

Wenslydale: Yessir?

Customer: Have you in fact got any cheese here at all.

Wenslydale: Yes,sir.

Customer: Really?

(pause) Wenslydale: No. Not really, sir.

Customer: You haven't.

Wenslydale: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time,sir.

Customer: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.

Wenslydale: Right-0, sir.

The customer takes out a gun and shoots the owner.

Customer: What a *senseless* waste of human life.

[Fax]

Andy,
I lived in a rather mixed area of Cincy for a few years and got pretty familiar with homeboy speak...especially when they whip out a 9 mil.  Just before  I moved a crack deal went bad right in front of my house one afternoon resulting in a double homicide, never a dull moment in that hood.
Fax

[Snoring Rhino]

I went to DC last October on Business, extended the trip for a few days for myself to look around so had to move out of the $170 a night hotel to a cheaper one. Raddison Hotels in the UK are fairly good but $65 Raddison Hotels in DC are NOT. Even the cab driver said "Sh*t man, How the F*ck did you get out here, just don’t walk - when you go out order a cab and wait for it inside! It was the same every time I got in a cab - "You wana go where"?

I think all the other rooms were on a time share basis, the doors would slam at hourly intervals all bloody night! Some poeple were making a good living!

Downtown was OK though quite busy, Did the Smithsonian Aerospace, the white house is actually quite small, the congress building is impressive, go to the National Art Museum, I know stuff all about Art but the East wing is dedicated to Piccaso - its only by seeing his paintings in the flesh that you can see what why he is rated so highly and in the West wing they have Leonardo De Vinci's "Ginevra de' Benci", just blows the other works away! Closest big mall was out at the Pentagon Mall across the river, almost had to bribe the cab drive to take me back to the hotel though - wouldn't even stop at a store to get some beer! Worth a trip if its free.

[Andy Zarse]

Andy,
I lived in a rather mixed area of Cincy for a few years and got pretty familiar with homeboy speak...especially when they whip out a 9 mil.  Just before  I moved a crack deal went bad right in front of my house one afternoon resulting in a double homicide, never a dull moment in that hood.
Fax

Bit like where I live in Sussex, Fax. The other week, someone did a double smashed car window over a turnip deal that went wrong. All the locals were up in arms about it, a vigilanty group was formed and they set off into the woods with burning torches chanting "Kill the beast!". The police arrested a local youth (local scapegoat more like) and order has been restored.

It's damn tough on the streets, eh?

Stay safe mate.

[Canada Phil]

Give your head a shake guys he is talking about
Frikin' February in DC
Fax the best thing in Detroit is the Bridge to Canada
When in DC area stay in Arlington across the river in beautiful Virginia.
Canada Phil

[smokie]

I've sent a letter of complaint requesting they review my ticket allocation and asked them whether I can have the ticket I originally requested, or a ticket to Florida for March. I think they will say no to this.

I heard yesterday that "airport tax and insurance" comes to around £200 which isn't such a free flight anyway. Also it may not be a direct flight. And I may just have to take whatever they offer in the way of return flights. So from sounding like an excellent offer, this is starting to sound like a stitch up.

Hoover made a similar offer a few years back - I'm sure most Brits will remember the bad publicity around that.

Who was it that said there's no such thing as a free lunch?

[Matt Harper]

Wow - buy a couple of bottles of El Plonko and get a free trans-atlantic flight! That's got to be the best deal since the Hoover free flights debacle.
I can't help feeling there must be a catch - but that's just the miseable cynic in me. Perhaps it's one way to Anchorage AK - or Detroit.

It did seem to have "too good to be true" emblazoned all over it. I spent a few years working in an ad agency and sales promotions like this must always have some restrictive terms and condits.
Can't really argue with the airport taxes, but at least you didn't have to splash-out on something pricey (like a vacuum cleaner). Stope procrastinating Smokes - we'll see you at Sebring as usual!

[Canada Phil]

Hi Smokie,
                Good luck 0on the free flight. Pre Race planing meeting for Sebring: Anchor Bar Daytona Bech
 Sunday night/Monday morning Patty will look after us eh!
Canada Phil

[smokie]

What a temptation Phil...how can I say no?


For everyone's info...

Spring Break is up and running around Daytona at that time, where thousands of college kids holiday and party. I stayed in a central Daytona hotel and Phil and I went to the Anchor Bar, which is a Biker Bar. Daytona Bike Week finished a couple of weeks before I arrived.

Patty served us pitchers of cold beer for about $6 (which seems awful cheap, maybe it was more) until 2am or later. There were just the three of us. She would tell any Spring Breakers that she was closed and refuse them admittance. Which was a shame in some of the more attractive cases ! She said that she made enough money at other times of the year that she could afford to turn away business - and she didn't need their kind of business anyway - vomiting, breaking things etc. And many of them weren't old enough to drink anyway

Phil and I had a *great* time there...'nuff said