What a load of cobblers. You're all George Formby's, you dress the same and are about as funny. And
TIGHT AS A NUNS when it comes to sticking your hands in your pockets at the bar..
Ecky thump.
That's original. Socio-demographic profiling a speciality of yours, is it, Andy? You are clearly a bigot with a dead pig fixation.
I would have taken your views on the quality of George Formby's art seriously, had you not admitted to being a Jack Douglas fan.
And what do you get if you cross George Formby with Eddie Murphy?
......."Turned out nice again, Motherf**cker".
No I'm a pig with a dead bigot fixation. I was flamin' you bro and up north is lovely, in fact I'm going there next week.
Just to kiss and make up in cyber sort of a way, here are Peter Kay's Universal truths:
1)Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4)You're never quite sure whether it's OK to eat green crisps.
5)Everyone who grew up in the '80s has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6)Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7)Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel manly.
8)You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
9)Nobody ever dares to make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
10)You never know where to look when eating a banana.
11)It's impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
12)Prodding a fire with a stick also makes you feel manly.
13)Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
14)You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
15)Everyone remembers the day a dog got into their school.
16)The most embarassing thing you can do as a schoolchild is call your teacher mum or dad.
17)Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
18)Every bloke at some stage, while taking a pee, flushed halfway through, and raced against the flush.
19)Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
20)It's impossible to look cool whilst picking up a frisbee.
21)Driving through a tunnel makes you excited.
22)You never ever run out of salt.
23)Old ladies can eat more than you think.
24)You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
25)There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
26)No one knows the origins of their metal coat-hangers.
27)Despite constant warning, you've never met anyone who has had their arm broken by a swan.
28) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
29)People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
30)You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin bit of wood to stir paint with.
31)Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
32)Bricks are horrible to carry.
33)In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
34)Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
