Modern Commer Replacement

[BigH]

Thanks Andy.
You're quite right, I spent most of my time at LM last year shot to pieces. In a sort of crazy Commer parallel it took a long time to get me started, and when I did I just sort of weaved around with virtually no brakes or steering to talk of. Two drinks, at any time of the day, left me legless and talking to inanimate objects. And of course explosive incontinence was never very far away. Mostly it's a blur.
It didn't help my disorientation that we had to pitch up in a 'strange' spot, I needed our familiar ground badly. This year's going to be different, but with luck I'll still be staggering around like George A Romero on a Picolax overdose, so the difference will be very subtle.
That's a brave decision on the Mahler Overalls, a little bit of a Viennese walzing should finish the days work nicely. Have you considered working nude?
H

[Lord Pig-Pen]

Sat rotting in a garden.... nice paint

Rex, where is this van mate?

Went passed it again today and it had moved accross the road to sit by the Mk2 Granada saloon and MK1 Hearse. Its quite scabby....

[Andy Zarse]

Thanks Andy. This year's going to be different, but with luck I'll still be staggering around like George A Romero on a Picolax overdose, so the difference will be very subtle.
That's a brave decision on the Mahler Overalls, a little bit of a Viennese walzing should finish the days work nicely. Have you considered working nude?
H

It's a free country and if you chose to stagger around like an Alf A Romeo on Citramag or whatever, then that's a personal desision for you, but I think on balance I'm glad we're on Houx Annexe this year. Free-basing on Class A osmotic laxatives is a one-way street and it's not a good one; have you not seen the state of Amy Winehouse these days? It's not filthy scag she's shooting up her veins you know, so hey kids, Just Say No to phosphate enemas (unless of course you actually want an arcing jet of banana yellow... anyway I'm sure you all get the picture).

Whilst it's been amusing enough getting my teeth into the CA Good Toilet Guide, I can tell you Team Zarse is gloomily awaiting the stinging reality of the rectal hell that is contemporary Le Mans.

Naked mechanics? Why not, naked housework is such fun isn't it!

[mgmark]

Andy,

Aaaahhh.  Back to talk about booze, incapacitation, and lower tract problems, with the odd side swipe at the Commer's recalcitrance.  Now that's much better than all that LMF, defeatist, white feather carrying clap-trap! 

I await the progress report on the Commer eagerly, and imagine that the essence of it, with musical accompaniment from the 8-track, could well go something along the lines of:

1)  Trying the clutch again after talking nicely to it didn't work  (Dvorak -New World Symphony)
2)  Freeing off stuck bits gently didn't work (Holst - Planets)
3)  Hitting stuck bits with large hammer didn't work (Tchaikovsky - 1812 - Cannon section)
4)  Swearing copiously and throwing things at it didn't work (Wagner - Ride of the Valkyries)
5)  Pause for drinking bottle of Scotch - (Berg - Wozzeck)
6)  Assessing the problem, dismantling the offending parts, and refurbishing/replacing them did work (Elgar - Nimrod, then Land of Hope and Glory when the Commers moves under her own steam)

Only I know that you will describe that process with such greater eloquence and humour, and that is what I look forward to the most.....

Good luck,

MG Mark

     

[Andy Zarse]

I'll give it a go. Have you considered a new career as a Radio 3 presenter, they've got a vacancy now Andy Kershaw been banged up in the nick, and that other woman's gone AWOL. Your suggested musical accompaniment is inspired, but I can't help feeling the finale is always destined to be Chopin's Marche Funèbre in C minor... 

[mgmark]

I'll give it a go. Have you considered a new career as a Radio 3 presenter, they've got a vacancy now Andy Kershaw been banged up in the nick, and that other woman's gone AWOL. Your suggested musical accompaniment is inspired, but I can't help feeling the finale is always destined to be Chopin's Marche Funèbre in C minor... 

Good Man!  Chopin might be a possible alternative, but you're getting all "glass half empty" again.... and I'm not sure that Ravel's Pavane would fit, in that I cannot really grasp the concept of the Commer as a dead child.  More a seriously and dangerously wounded Giant perhaps.  Which puts me in mind of the various movements of Greig's Peer Gynt Suites, offering some interesting insights and possibilities for an epic tale of Wagnerian stature:

Morning Mood - a glorious sunrise. Andy wakes.

The Death of Åse - a tender lament, as Andy draws back the curtains and the sight of the Commer reminds him of day's task.

Anitra’s Dance - A swirling melody as Andy steels himself to face the tribulations of the day.

In the Hall of the Mountain King - Now Andy really has started work, the dance with the Commer begins with tentative steps, but as he becomes more confident the music builds to a crescendo as the mighty Commer continues to stubbornly resist attempts to resolve the non-functioning clutch.  Cymbals crash and drum rolls sound as Andy reaches apoplexy and starts using the heavy hammers.

The Abduction of the Bride Strings and crashing cymbals herald Andy ripping open the Scotch bottle, followed by a slow lament.  Solo violins rise, as he slumps against the wheel arch of the Commer in depressed exhuastion, and the remainder of the orchestra swells, as the CA community collectively offers further encouragement.

Arabian Dance - A kettledrum beats, as Andy recovers and purposefully returns to the task. Moments of calm, thoughtful periods emerge, along with the inspiration to return the Commer to her rightful place as Queen of the Road.

Solveig’s Song - A soulful melody with joyous dance sections, as Andy alternately counts the mental cost of repairing the Commer and rejoices in the prospect (after bribing the MOT man) of bowling along the open road to France in mid-June.

I think that should do the trick   

MG Mark

[Perdu]

"How unlike the home life of our own dear Queen"

Blarryell Mark
talk about waxin' soddin' lyrical

what did you have on the stereo dashing round Marham t'other day?

Andy

another incentive for you

Have the Commer on the boat with us and I'll buy the first pint at the bar

howzatt!?

[mgmark]

Blarryell Mark
talk about waxin' soddin' lyrical
what did you have on the stereo dashing round Marham t'other day?
howzatt!?

Bill,

'Twas the glorious sound of a BMC 4-pot of 1622cc capacity through twin SUs and a tubular exhaust, accompanied by the mechanical thrashing of valvegear.  Anything else is just drowned out by the kettle drum nature of the coupe bodyshell.  But I might have been mentally humming Mars from the Holst's Planets suite, or Wagner's ride of the Valkyries....

And today has a touch of ennui de travail about it, hence the waxing lyrical....

MG Mark

[BigH]

Well, I think you're all a bunch of pseuds!
What's wrong with the Ace of Spades and Tiger Feet?
H

[Andy Zarse]

Peter, there is nothingchildlike about the Commer, she is too serious for that. In fact she detests children.

Mark, can you suggest a movement for that bit between the Death of Arse and Anita's Harris's Dance or whatever, you know, the bit where you take the Daily Express off to the smallest room in the house?

I guess it would depend what you'd had to eat the day before. Too many Liquorice Allsorts might lead to the Sourcerer's Apprentice, pickled eggs surely  gives rise to something with a nice canntralto, whilst drunkenly eating a Troy's large donner with extra chilli would inevitably take us back to our old friend Tchaikovski and the full-on 1812 extraveganza. Heaven forbid I should ever require the services of the Warsaw Concerto!

[Steve Pyro]

Not that I'd want to appear to be the harbinger of doom, but how about Antonio Salieri's Requiem in C minor

[mgmark]

Peter, there is nothingchildlike about the Commer, she is too serious for that. In fact she detests children.

Mark, can you suggest a movement for that bit between the Death of Arse and Anita's Harris's Dance or whatever, you know, the bit where you take the Daily Express off to the smallest room in the house?

I guess it would depend what you'd had to eat the day before. Too many Liquorice Allsorts might lead to the Sourcerer's Apprentice, pickled eggs surely  gives rise to something with a nice canntralto, whilst drunkenly eating a Troy's large donner with extra chilli would inevitably take us back to our old friend Tchaikovski and the full-on 1812 extraveganza. Heaven forbid I should ever require the services of the Warsaw Concerto!

Andy,

In moments of such intestinal stress requiring a delicate and balanced approach, I caution that careful eating the day before would be prudent.  You really must save Mr T and the cannons with fireworks for those large sledgehammer modification moments.  Smallest room moments should be reserved for the likes of Beethoven's "Morning" for those really contemplative times, or if you really can't manage without something more challenging to the digestive tract, then might I suggest Handel's Zadok the Priest or Offenbach's Orpheus in the Underworld as being approproate depending upon mood, consistency, effort required to exhaust etc?

Well, I think you're all a bunch of pseuds!
What's wrong with the Ace of Spades and Tiger Feet?
H

H,

Nothing at all mate.  A few others to sprinkle liberally into the equation could be The Final Countdown, Paranoid, Highway Child and Stairway to Heaven.  Oh and a bit more AC/DC and some ZZ Top and Guns n' Roses probably wouldn't go amiss either  .  

MG Mark  

[amazing 1]

LITTLE PIECE OF sh*t TRUCK AND THROW IT THE FIRE !   

[Steve Pyro]

LITTLE PIECE OF sh*t TRUCK AND THROW IT THE FIRE !   

You'll only go and upset him again 

[mgmark]

LITTLE PIECE OF sh*t TRUCK AND THROW IT THE FIRE !   

You'll only go and upset him again 

It's not Andy that he should be worried about upsetting, it's incurring the wrath of the mighty Commer that is likely to produce the problem, spanning continents in a single leap before wreaking terrible vengeance upon the infidel unbeliever...........

MG Mark