Modern Commer Replacement

[Lord Pig-Pen]

Now is there any need for silly comments like that... they are best saved for pics like this one
It lives down the lane from me and was greeted by a tree in the storms of 86.. was a runner at the time.

Renault 12 spares anyone?

[BigH]

I've every confidence in the Zarsemobile, and wouldn't be surprised if it's being gunned down an autobahn right now. Or dissolving slave cylinder seals on a drive near Crawley.
I had a go at firing the jag up at the weekend, - what with work abroad and my two wheeled shenanigans last year it's barely troubled the odometer. Surprisingly the old girl spluttered into life on the button, and I took her for a very easy tootle around some local roads, - ones with plenty of laybys. She wasn't happy with me though, and I believe she's bearing a grudge. Every time I turned a corner the horn would sound off a few rapid honks. There's some deeply unattractive men and women, mostly vagrants, walking around these parts this morning with a whiff of Old Spice and a spring in their step. I hope to God they don't know where I live. I suspect a fault in the AE35 unit, and I must get round to scheduling some EVA.
And then of course there's the question of stickers, - not one to be ignored but it's a difficult call. The Highways Agency seem to have set the bar very high though with a set of fantastic examples that have sprung up by the roadside recently. On a recent haul up the M40 I was advised to 'Check your fuel level' no less than four times! Normally I have a guage (and a collection, admittedly small, of nerve endings under my hat and loosely between my ears) for this sort of work, but it seems it can't be trusted so I suppose we just have to pull over and shove a dry stick down the filler tube just to be sure. I have a friend who wouldn't need a dry stick, and even though it would make for a fantastic scene on the hard shoulder, I don't think I should go down that route.And then there's 'Possibility of Spray!'....................holy sh*t, no kidding, this is England, not Death Valley, of course there's the possibility of spray, along with the possibility of the sun rising in the east and seagulls crapping on my head when I'm eating a nice cornet with a splash of monkeys blood in Brighton.
Maybe some some signs on the front wing letting people know that the car is fitted with shock absorbers would do the trick.
Anyway, a terrible urge has come over me to nip into the garage and check the fuel level again....
H

[Andy Zarse]

And then of course there's the question of stickers, - not one to be ignored but it's a difficult call. The Highways Agency seem to have set the bar very high though with a set of fantastic examples that have sprung up by the roadside recently. On a recent haul up the M40 I was advised to 'Check your fuel level' no less than four times! Normally I have a guage (and a collection, admittedly small, of nerve endings under my hat and loosely between my ears) for this sort of work, but it seems it can't be trusted so I suppose we just have to pull over and shove a dry stick down the filler tube just to be sure. I have a friend who wouldn't need a dry stick, and even though it would make for a fantastic scene on the hard shoulder, I don't think I should go down that route.And then there's 'Possibility of Spray!'....................holy sh*t, no kidding, this is England, not Death Valley, of course there's the possibility of spray, along with the possibility of the sun rising in the east and seagulls crapping on my head when I'm eating a nice cornet with a splash of monkeys blood in Brighton.
Maybe some some signs on the front wing letting people know that the car is fitted with shock absorbers would do the trick.
Anyway, a terrible urge has come over me to nip into the garage and check the fuel level again....
H

The Zarsemobile is current indisposed to move. Drive cannot be engaged. However, a towrope for a drag to the scrapyard is being arranged. The voices in the kettle made me do it.

Who was that bloke in the bible as God told to kill his son and burn his body on the bonfire? Zebedabahdiah or someone he was. So anyway, he done him in and then God just pointed at him and gone off laughing. Well that's me that is. I'm having a crisis of confidence, it's all so wearisome. I'm tired of the inevitable lumbago inducing contortionism on wet grass, the skinned knuckles, the grime under my nails, and shovelling rat sh*t out of the cupboard. But mainly it's that pair of blue overalls shrunk by a boil wash which always rides up my arse crack and plays merry hell with my prolapse. Enough!

Talking of road signs, years ago there was a great one in Birmingham on the ringroad. It was an experimental model of those dotmatrix things they've now got on the M25 which implore you, with spelling errors, not to Drink and Dive or suggest you Take a Beak. Well the Brummy one was terrific, as it only had the letter G. One day it would say GGG G GGGGG G G GGGGGGGGGGGGGG GG G. The next it might be more succinct; GG GGGG G or maybe GGGGGGGG. It was like that for months, until they took it away after a motorcyclist crashed into it and killed himself. I always felt quite sorry for the poor sod; death by GGGGGG. It's no way go in my book.

[amazing 1]

The Zarsemobile is current indisposed to move. Drive cannot be engaged. However, a towrope for a drag to the scrapyard is being arranged. The voices in the kettle made me do it.

Say it is not so!

It is a true LeMans tradition.
LeMans will not be the same without it.

I say you take one last time.
Then BURN IT!

I remember a song we sang around one of Sebring,s after the race bon-fires many years ago.
It goes something like this.
In my best Tom Jones[Welsh as I]
LITTLE PIECE OF sh*t TRUCK AND THROW IT IN THE FIRE !
LITTLE PIECE OF sh*t TRUCK AND THROW IT IN THE FIRE !
LITTLE PIECE OF sh*t TRUCK AND THROW IT IN THE FIRE !
Etc.etc.

[Lorry]

Sounds like the pushrod from the slave cylinder to the operating lever has tried to escape and jammed.  Should be easy to fix by removing the slave cylinder.

Stuck clutches are far more fun.  Warm up the engine.  Stop it.  Put it in first and restart the engine so that it it all starts to move.  With left foot, depress left pedal and then with right foot stamp on the other two alternately.  It will either free up or you run out of road.

Classic like this need to be driven regularly, and not to the scrapper

[nopanic - neil]

3 more for you Andy, all on sleazybay.

1965 Commer civil defence ambulance Camper motorhome


and
 
commer camper motorhome,


and
 
classic commer camper 1970 tax free great festival van


Funny these things must be like buses, you wait to see one for ages and then 3 come along at the same time.

[nickliv]

Dads Mog had a stuck clutch. To unstick it we took the hapless implement out of the garage, jacked up the back wheels, started it, revved it, and dropped it off the jack repeatedly until the poor thing cried enough and agreed to play again.

[Lord Pig-Pen]

The lads that bought the Rickman Ranger I aquired with a 2.8 V6 with a horribly stuck clutch had it running for an hour, turned it off, jacked it up on the diff, started it in second, left it running again for half an hour with the wheels trundling round.... 2 got in... got it revving and dropped the jack.
Huge wheelspin, big crack and all was free.
They got to drive it home... I had only been towed in it

[Steve Pyro]

You had a Rickman Ranger 

[Lord Pig-Pen]

I was given it by a mate to use around the private lanes... but could never get the clutch free.
Now comes the boring bit.... it was built by a Rickman employee with double thickness 'glass all round, galv chassis, RS struts with fancy koni shocks, koni at the back, RS2000 prop, mexico bits... and the motor was "built" with a kent cam, some fancy manifold and a big fat carb.
Sold it as bits on ebay with buyer to remove but some lads got together and bought the lot as a whole.
Last report I had was that it was one of the most evil things anyone had ever driven...
The folder of receipts that went with it totalled around 15k so someone loved it...

But they are horrid and I WAS given it

[Canada Phil]

Sounds like the pushrod from the slave cylinder to the operating lever has tried to escape and jammed.  Should be easy to fix by removing the slave cylinder.

FREE the SLAVE Nobody knows the trouble i've seen......

Canada Phil

[mgmark]

The Zarsemobile is current indisposed to move. Drive cannot be engaged. However, a towrope for a drag to the scrapyard is being arranged. The voices in the kettle made me do it.

I'm having a crisis of confidence, it's all so wearisome. I'm tired of the inevitable lumbago inducing contortionism on wet grass, the skinned knuckles, the grime under my nails, and shovelling rat sh*t out of the cupboard. But mainly it's that pair of blue overalls shrunk by a boil wash which always rides up my arse crack and plays merry hell with my prolapse. Enough!

My dear friend,

Please stop this lily-livered, pansy, snivelling, pathetic, snot-dribbling whining and tell the kettle to f*** off.  Shoot it if necessary.  Then either buy yourself a new pair of blue overalls, or wear the current ones in "mechanic style" i.e. oil/grease-spattered CA T-shirt with the overalls worn as trousers with the arms tied round your waist.   Put some stirring music on the domestic PA system full blast (some stirring Russian anthems from Red Square parade days should do the trick) light up a full strength Marlboro and get spannering.  In short, show her who is boss, before I decide to pay a visit with a few of the boys and convene a summary field courts martial for LMF.  Or I'll get a Soviet tank commander to show you how field repairs are done, before incarcerating you summarily without recourse to appeal in the Gulags for treason. 

Certainly, the MGA will not be happy if the Commer doesn't come out to play and I'm damned if she's going to sling some sympathetic wobbly on me going out to La Sarthe because of some trifling problem like the Commer's malfunctioning clutch.  Anyway, why do you need a clutch?  Start her in gear, crash the gears, and I'd warrant that she'd still get you there and back .       

MG Mark

[garyfrogeye]

All that Mark just said plus a slapped thigh with a wet birch branch.
At worst, buy a 4 x 4 and tow the thing protesting to France.

[BigH]

Well the Brummy one was terrific, as it only had the letter G. One day it would say GGG G GGGGG G G GGGGGGGGGGGGGG GG G. The next it might be more succinct; GG GGGG G or maybe GGGGGGGG. It was like that for months, until they took it away after a motorcyclist crashed into it and killed himself. I always felt quite sorry for the poor sod; death by GGGGGG. It's no way go in my book.

It's a tragic story Andy, and such a dismal choice of consonant, - a terrible epitaph but easy work for the stonemason I suppose. Wasn't there a sign for East Grimstead for a while on the M23?Anyway, before you start peeling your gulags as Mark has suggested, or sacrificing dear relatives to Zippydedoodah have you checked out the local scout troop and the timing of the next Bob-A-Job week? It's very good value and a week of hard scrubbing, fixing and polishing will do them the world of good. Get them to sign something first.

Bollox to Land of Hope and Glory, the Amazing1 campfire song should be our next National Anthem!!
H
 
PS - Jeez, it's hard work posting these days, is the server solar powered?

[Andy Zarse]

Okay, you lot win. Against my better judgement I relent, and I'll not go with Randy's Viking Funeral idea, which I must admit has it's attractions. So I'll give it an afternoon, don my Village People overalls, put Mahler's 18th symphony (The Unendurable) on the 8Track and if I can get the clutch to close it's jaws and bite again, I'll approach the MOT man with his annual bottle of scotch and 200 Embassy Regal. I just want Lorry to know that making flippant suggestions about classics needing to be driven is cheap and easy; but it's not Lorry who has to risk life and limb driving the wretched things.

H, it will always be East Grimstead to me, and many local folk need no signage to know where Whorley is located. One day I'm certain that that sign in Birmingham actually worked, it said "GGGG GGGG GG Granville Street Closed Ahead ", and similar to the Commer, it's as if the thing had suffered a stroke. Talking of which mate, last time I saw you it was as we were departing MB after the race last year; you'd just got up. You too appeared to have suffered some sort of terrible cerebral incident or trauma. You'd seemingly been struck dumb, capable only of making a basic grunting/snorting noise through your adenoids, your sense of balance had been compromised, and looking into your eyes one could clearly see the confusion going on within.

Without being rude, you appeared to be rehearsing method acting for a role in the remake of The Night of the Living Dead, or perhaps the lead role as the idiot-savant in Rainman. As we drove off towards the exit by that concrete lavatory block where the firemen all hang around, I glanced in the wingmirror and saw you tumble over your tent's guy rope. This is exactly what you looked like:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZK_70HgNx0

And as this is the Commer thread;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95v5rDhqEGs&feature=related