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Ruptured Duck Motorsport
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« on: June 23, 2003, 07:24:15 pm » |
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Who has the ugliest wife?
Two guys sitting in a bar arguing about who's wife is uglier. After
two hours back and forth arguing one says lets go to my house and I
will show you an ugly wife. So they went to his house and saw his wife
and the other guy says ya she's real ugly but now we got to go to my
house and see my wife. They pulled into the back of the house and
walked up the stairs into the kitchen and he moved a rug and under the
rug was a trap door. He stomped on the trap door with his foot and
then opened it and yelled honey I'm home and she yelled back do you
want me to put the bag on? and he said NO I don't want to f*ck you I
just want to show you to someone.
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Scarred old slaver know he’s doin’ alright.
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powermite
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« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2003, 09:43:43 pm » |
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Les Dawson Lives!!!!!!!!!!!!
PM
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Mark 2006 Lemons Gang
CA Veteran
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Posts: 167
2006 Lemons Gang
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« Reply #2 on: June 25, 2003, 07:35:32 pm » |
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Man: Doctor I need some more sleeping pils for the wife.
Doctor: Why ?
Man: She's woken up.
Mark
TTATL Gang
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Mark
Two Thousand And Six Lemons Gang
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fugitive4000
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Posts: 30
Every Year Since '97
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« Reply #3 on: June 26, 2003, 12:18:49 am » |
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My wife is so ugly that when I asked her what she wanted for her birthday she said "something to go in my bath" - so I got her a toaster.
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SteveB
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I'm a llamanser
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« Reply #4 on: June 26, 2003, 01:06:24 am » |
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A man and his wife go to the site of their honeymoon for their 25th anniversary. As the couple is reflecting on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asks the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”
The husband replies, “All I wanted to do was f**k your brains out and suck your tits dry.”
“What are you thinking now?” the wife asks as she undresses.
The husband quickly replies: “It looks like I did a pretty good job.”
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"If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried." - David Brent
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Stu
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« Reply #5 on: June 26, 2003, 09:58:13 am » |
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My wifes that ugly she must have been conceived on a day trip to Sellafield. She went to bed last night for her beauty sleep and set her alarm clock for November. When we got married it was a fairy tale wedding...... Grimm.
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Mark 2006 Lemons Gang
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2006 Lemons Gang
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« Reply #6 on: June 26, 2003, 07:04:53 pm » |
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I haven't talked to my wife for 3 months.
It's not that we've had a row.
It's just rude to interrupt.
Mark
TTATLG
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Mark
Two Thousand And Six Lemons Gang
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Russ
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I think this is yours...
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« Reply #7 on: June 27, 2003, 11:07:28 am » |
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My wife likes to talk when I'm banging away from behind... but it's not easy to hold a phone as well.
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Fred Dibnah Memorial
Gland in the hand worth two in a Bush Tour 2007
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Ruptured Duck Motorsport
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« Reply #8 on: June 27, 2003, 11:39:29 am » |
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Q. How do you make the wife cry during sex?
A. Phone her.
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Scarred old slaver know he’s doin’ alright.
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Russ
CA Veteran
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Posts: 365
I think this is yours...
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« Reply #9 on: June 27, 2003, 11:59:22 am » |
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Q. How do you make your woman scream during sex
A. Wipe your dick on the curtains.
Q. How do you make your wife buck like a horse during sex?
A. Slap her arse and tell her her sister is better.
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Fred Dibnah Memorial
Gland in the hand worth two in a Bush Tour 2007
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Mr. Rick
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« Reply #10 on: June 27, 2003, 01:09:28 pm » |
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Q. How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A. None, it should be open when given to him!
Q. What have you done wrong if your wife comes into the lounge to nag you?
A. Made the chain too long!
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Russ
CA Veteran
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I think this is yours...
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« Reply #11 on: June 27, 2003, 01:39:02 pm » |
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Why did the woman cross the road?
Sod the road.. what the f*ck is she doing out of the kitchen!!??
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Fred Dibnah Memorial
Gland in the hand worth two in a Bush Tour 2007
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Stu
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« Reply #12 on: June 27, 2003, 01:51:54 pm » |
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What you call a women who washes the dishes with one hand, makes the tea with the other, does the laundry with one foot and vacuums with the other foot.
A Swiss Army wife.
Their getting worse now.
Wife to husband: There's 3 flies in here
Hubby yes 2 are male and ones female.
How do you know that says the wife.
well 2 are on the can of beer and ones on the phone..
And the old chestnut:-
2 married women go out for a night on the town and get wasted.
On the way home one says,'I'm dying for a wee' the other says so am I, I'm bursting. I won't make it home, Lets go in that Graveyard. So of they go and do the business behind the grave stones. Hell says one, I havn't got any thing to clean myself with, I'll just have to use my knickers and throw them away. I'm not using mine says the other, they cost me £40, I'll use this bunch of flowers. So they clean themselves and go home.
Next morning hubbys are talking. Thats the last time I let her go to town. Last night she came home with no Knickers on. Thats fuuk all said the other. Mine had a card stuck up her arse that said, 'We'll never forget you'
Thats it Goodnight.
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« Last Edit: June 27, 2003, 02:01:00 pm by Stu »
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Russ
CA Veteran
Sr. Member
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Posts: 365
I think this is yours...
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« Reply #13 on: June 27, 2003, 02:08:15 pm » |
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How do you make a woman cum?
...Who cares!!
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Fred Dibnah Memorial
Gland in the hand worth two in a Bush Tour 2007
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Mr. Rick
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« Reply #14 on: June 27, 2003, 02:22:34 pm » |
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Why do women fake orgasm ..... because they think men care!
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