Men v Women

[Steve Pyro]

1.  NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Charlie, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Sh*t-Head and Four-eyes.


2.  EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


3.  MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.

A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.


4.  BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.


5.  ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


6.  CATS
Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.


7.  FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


8.  SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


9.  MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.


10.  DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book and get the post.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


11.  NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


12.  OFFSPRING
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in his house.


13.  THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.


14.  LANGUAGE ISSUES.
What a woman says:

C'mon...This place is a mess. You and I need to clean. Your pants are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do the laundry now.

What a man hears:

C'MON ... blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah

[wilford]

This is quite a battle between the male and the female..Quite interesting huh?
I could say that men are greater than women, not because I am a man, but because I can see a difference between the two..

There are still things that a man can do that a woman cannot..

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 <SPAM links removed - Steve>

[termietermite]

Sorry Steve but these two people bear absolutely no resemblence to either Mr or Mrs Termite.
1.  I forget everybody's names - Mr T always remembers everybody and hates nicknames.
2. I always leave a tip, and always divide bills equally, so does Mr T.
3.  There are plenty of things we both want and we buy them if we can afford it - and often if we can't.
4. Mr T has twice as many bizarre products than me in the bathroom but doesn't seem to use any of them much.   What do men do in there?
5.  We are both right, all the time.
6.  You couldn't possibly kick 3 cats called Cooper, Lola and Chevron now could you?
7.  I never wanted or expected to get a husband, I just sort of acquired him in the local pub (think the talk turned to sports cars at some point and that was it)
8.  Neither of us has ever earned as much money as we can spend.
9.  If we wanted to change one another, there's divorce.
10.  I never dress up for anything if I can avoid it. Mr T even gets changed to go to the shops, for God's sake!
11.  True, I'll grant you.  But I never look that great at bedtime either.  Mr T is in his late 50's and  still looks 20.
12.  Never wanted any of these, ta.
13.  Mistakes?  What mistakes?
14.  Clean the house, are you kidding?  Dull women have tidy homes...