It wasn't me, honest.

[BigH]

Whilst working out a strategy of how I can avoid one of Savs Brazilians, the idea of lying and extravagant excuses came to mind.
Racing drivers, it seems to me, are right up there in Division One when it comes to excuses, and I reckon hardly a race goes by without one driver or another trying to share their own version of reality with everyone else. With Mansell, not only did he describe them verbally, he could go into little charades and pantomimes so there was no doubt left in our minds that the man was entirely genuine. Who could forget his thespian efforts after he was beaten to the line by Senna in Monaco. God knows what these guys tell their partners when they've had a little too much to drink and develop a joint where they shouldn't have one, and have to try a 'feeder'.
From personal experience, I'll never forget Brundles description of the localised shower that made him stuff the Toyota GT1 in the middle of the night at LM. I was at that corner at the time, and if there was a shower it was pretty damn localised.
At the ELMS race at Silverstone this year I'm sure I heard a driver bemoaning the 'lack of mirrorbility'. Lack of composure more like it.

Ok guys, whats the best excuses you've heard?
H

[chrisbeatty]

Frank Biela - Le Mans 2003:

“...coming out of the Porsche Corners, a Panoz was in front of me and all the way through the fast Esses. I was trying to keep my momentum and attempted to pass him on the left, but I was surprised by his acceleration and found myself blocked as the Panoz was beside me and I couldn't turn across to the pit-lane, which meant I had to start another lap."

It's an endurance race Frank, you could have slowed & slipped into the pits behind the Panoz  

[tink]

not not strictly a racing driver's quote but:

R Cutler - Le Mans 2004

'i was on the motorway between caen and le mans when the fuel light came on. just as i noticed this i ran out of fuel'

[hgb]

Not an excuse but a statement which plunged everybody around in deep laughter. During the 24 Hours of Spa 2003 it was raining all the race long. Neil Cunningham was in the Morgan when the windscreen wipers failed to work in the pouring rain. Later on he was interviewed and was asked what he did when the wipers didn't work. He said: "When it's raining the correct procedure is to grap the wheel harder and to sigh 'oh f*ck, it's raining'". The Morgan retired because some Porsche hit it in the back on the Kemmel straigt.

[Andy Zarse]

Paul Newman said of Nigel Mansell, "He's the best damn actor I've ever seen". Kinda sums it all up really.

I once retired from a road rally due to total brake failure, which I discovered barrelling into a downhill 90 right at about 70mph. We got away with it by doing the wall of death on a Herefordshire hedgerow but it quite shat me up. I reckoned that was fair enough reason to call a halt to the nights proceedings.

[Bob U]

Not an excuse but a quote nontheless
"I still have it in me to be world champion"
David Coulthard.

[Andy Zarse]

Shouldn't that post be in "The (Unrelated to Le Mans) Joke thread?  

[Fax]

The worst I've ever heard when it came to excuses was Mario Andretti.  I have nothing but respect for his talent and achievements but the guy absolutely refused to ever admit he screwed up.  It didn't matter how obvious  the mistake was, it was always someone else's fault.  It was the car, the other driver, the TV commentator, etc.  Used to drive me nuts, just be man enough to admit a mistake...kinda reminds me of our president on second thought?
Mansell may have been the biggest drama queen in the history of the sport and some of Senna's press conferences were mind-boggling, the one he had at Adelaide in '89 going on and on about his beliefs and values...Just shut the f**k up!  You drive racing cars for Christs sake, your not a god damn head of state.
Fax

[Bob U]

Shouldn't that post be in "The (Unrelated to Le Mans) Joke thread?  
[No, not the joke thread, it's no laughing matter when somone is that mentally unstable.

[BigH]

Hi Fax,
Those were the great days of press conferences alright, the Mansa/Sensell/Prost era.
Three miserable guys would be sitting there looking, as my grandmother would say, as if they'd just seen their own arses, when in fact they had just finished on a GP podium. Cheer up lads, it might never happen.
Except of course, in Sennas case, it did. Unless you believe the alien theory.
H

[BigH]

barrelling into a downhill 90 right at about 70mph. We got away with it by doing the wall of death on a Herefordshire hedgerow

Blimey Andy,
I think you've just described a fairly typical trip home from the pub on a Friday night when I was a young'un.
Now, I know all the whippersnappers reading this will throw their hands up and scream "irresponsible sociopath" or perhaps just "what a tw*t" or maybe even "what the hell was Billy-Joe doing on the Tallahachi Bridge anyway?". Truth is, before breathalysers were around, and even when they were to begin with, drinking and driving was part of every night out and pretty well everyone did it. I find it hard to believe now that there were times when my mates loaded me horizontal into the car, as I was unable to walk, so I could give everyone a lift, or a race to the next pub. Jeez, I thank the Lord, sitting on this numb right hand, that I never killed anyone.
It used to be pretty much the same with rape.
Gone are the days when a few drugged nights in a dried up well on a lonely escarpment in the Dales could be considered as part of the wooing program. These days it's All Bar One and expensive Chardonnay. I suppose we must embrace progress.
H

[smokie]

Sometimes I worry about you H.

Not this time, but sometimes I do...

 

[Andy Zarse]

H
You must be a bit older than me, cos when I were a callow youth, we were all pretty good boys and girls when it came to DD. Not saying it never happened, a friend actually spewed up whilst driving, but it was very rare. Being sober didn't stop us driving like utter idiots though, hairing around the country lanes like it was our personal race track. Which I suppose in a way it was. Having mates in hospital with broken legs and multiple contusions was seen as an occupational hazard.

Having said that, when I was learning to drive, my Dad told me the most important thing to remember about driving was always to reverse into the parking spot in the pub car park so as not to make a fool of oneself when leaving a few hours later.

Drink driving these days seems to be the preserve of balding, middle aged, businessmen....  DOH!

[Fax]

I still wake up in a cold sweat remembering some of the motorized stunts we got away with in our mis-spent youth.  When we were in school the drinking age was eighteen over here and drinking and driving was just no big deal, slap on the wrist and sir can you come get your son.  The fact that my school mates and I are all still alive and in one peice is nothing short of a a miracle in itself.  Riding home from the pub on the roofs of cars, hill hopping on motorbikes, and the sh*t we used to pull in the snow! Ironically the only time a ever got really hurt was riding my pushbike home from my girlfriends house one night pissed to the eyeballs.  Was flying down a hill in the dark and clipped a truck parked on the side of the road, shattered my knee-cap and fractured my tibia...Bang! Ouch!
John

[Chris (Liverpool Boys)]

Reading the previous posts sends a cold shiver down my spine to there was on particuloar coutry lane we used to use as our own personal drag strip at night. who could do it fastest with lights and without lights on. Pulled a few cars out of ditches how anyone never got killed is beond me.

Have taken up less dangrous persuits now and ride a bike(hmmmmm!!!) maybe not then.