One for Mr Zarse, just found on the net, sorry about the language.

[Brian(Liverpool boys)]

ACTUAL PASSPORT LETTER:

This, apparently, is an actual letter received by the UK Passport Office.

Dear Sirs,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe how is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1988, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date.

Do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have on my pension book.

It's on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years.

It is on my National Health card.

My driving licence.

My car insurance.

On the last eight damn passports I've had.

It's on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years.

All those insufferable census forms.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that WOULD ever change between now and when I die!!

I apologise, I'm really pissed off this morning.
Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit!

You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bleeding address!!

What is going on? Do you have a gang of neanderthal arseholes workin' there?

Look at my damn picture.

Do I look like Bin Laden?

I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for sh*t sakes. I just want to go and park my arse on some sandy beach somewhere.

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a sh*t whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?

If I ever got the urge to do something wierd to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you'd be the last f**k*ng people I'd want to tell!

Well, I have to go now,'cause I have to go to the other end of the poxy city to get another f**k*ng copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of £30.

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?

Nooooooooooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense.

You'd rather have us running all over the f**k*n' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then WE have to find some arsehole to confirm that it's really me on the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic f**k*n' morons)

Hey, do you know why we couldn't smile if we wanted to? Because we're totally pissed off!

Signed

An Irate Citizen

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me?

Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 ...

I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had full security clearances over 25 of those years enabling me to undertake highly secretive missions all over the world.

However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor ..

WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN FRIGGIN` PAKISTAN!

[Grand_Fromage]

The thing is, they ask for all that stuff like date of birth, not because they don't know, but to validate your application as from you, and not some illegal immigrant on the scam.

What I object to is the question "were you born in the UK?". I happen to have been born of British parents while my father was serving in Belgium with the RAF, so I have to say NO, I was born in Brussels... leading to a gazillion more stupid questions I would not otherwise have to answer.

[Lorry]

I thinks its the civil service mentality.

An old friend of mine use to get all sorts of grief, as he was born in Kuala Lumpur, as his dad was in the Army out there.  The next question was usually, well where were your parents born?  China and USA meant he was a foreigner, which was true really, because he was Scottish, and married an American

Spike Milligan had similar problems, because although born in India, as his dad was a British soldier, it was before partition, and his parents were technically Irish, so in 1981 he became stateless, even though he'd held British passports and been conscripted.  The Irish would only give him a passport if it was green.

You couldn't make this up if you tried

[nopanic - neil]

I thinks its the civil service mentality.

An old friend of mine use to get all sorts of grief, as he was born in Kuala Lumpur, as his dad was in the Army out there.  The next question was usually, well where were your parents born?  China and USA meant he was a foreigner, which was true really, because he was Scottish, and married an American

Spike Milligan had similar problems, because although born in India, as his dad was a British soldier, it was before partition, and his parents were technically Irish, so in 1981 he became stateless, even though he'd held British passports and been conscripted.  The Irish would only give him a passport if it was green.

You couldn't make this up if you tried

told that was the reason he was not Knighted - Sir Milligan - lol

[mgmark]

And, even when you apply for your passport online and have, as a result, got a government gateway ID, this means they have collated your information so that when you then apply for a driving licence it already has your photo which it uses and it takes the payment for the licence straight away - without a separate payment authorisation screen - because it kept the details you used to pay for your passport.....call me cynical but....

MG Mark