Me, me! Oh I'd love to come Mr Spider, really I would! I don't think I need to send a photo as I met you just the other month - I saw the way you looked at me and smiled that day, just like I saw your look of sadness while I was being openly rogered from behind by that @!$#, Norbert. Anyway, I've been working out since then in the hope that I'd see you again...

I should be chosen because:

Je suis vendredi fille, I can do crosswords, and I'll bet you've never had a bear zarse on your leather!