Oh dear, I think I may have caused a bit of a mess.  I had a lot of lettuce left over from the doner kebabs and there was all the boxes that the fish and battered sausages were in.

Maybe I should have swept it into a better heap.  I'm sure the locals will sort it out though 

Wasn't the Colour Purple a Tom Hanks movie?

I think this may have been where I was camping, it certainly was in the middle of a forest with lots of strange looking mushrooms.

I think the campsite ticket I bought from a bloke down the pub was a wrong'un.
The site looked nothing like I was expecting, it said Maison Merde on the ticket but wasn't much better than Beausejohn.

The chip van got bogged down and someone stole my spare frying oil.  The battered sausages turned out to be vegetarian pretend meat and my plan to sell sushi back fired as the fish came ready cooked.
Still, all in all, a reasonable weekend, I only got assaulted once by the Gimp.

Yes yes yes.

That old stereotype of salty sea dogs being a bit lonely and without female company and having to make do with a "Fisherman's Friend".

I'm sure Captain Haddock's boner is in tip top condition, however, I was a bit worried when he sent me this picture ..... what should I do, I don't even know Captain Birds Eye!

http://www.plokta.com/plokta/issue12.5/image37.gif

Mr Chenet, I am rather concerned that you are attempting to invade my product line and provide fried commestibles to the masses.

However, as long as you don't attempt to cook anything with gills or fins (or anything battered and ressembling a sausage) I will endeavour not to cook any feathered birds (although I did manage to score some very cheap chickens when I was over in the Far East).

With regards to the peanut oil, will HO-46 be okay?

I always use my sextant and my set of old Admiralty charts.  They haven't failed me yet (although I did run aground once off Sidi Birani).

... and a hearty yo ho ho to you, Mr Spider.

Yes, I found Iceland to be too damn cold, it was never like that when they used to be Bejam.  I tried Aldi but the place just didn't have any atmosphere ...... a bit like Mars apparently!

I've been looking all over for that bloody cat, turn my back for 5 minutes and he's in the fish box, looking for fur fish pie.

I've had him microchipped now, I think that means he has an inbuilt GPS system and will be able to navigate me to Le Mans.

Left turn at Le Havre and down the Seine if I remember correctly?

Well pull my trousers down and paint my bottom blue!

Another opportunity to shift some fine nautical cooking, Felix stylie.

I'll have to bring the portable fryer and my tricycle.

Good news, good news.

As it looks like there will be plenty of entertainment, I've devised a cunning plan to sell lots of battered sausages.

I'm going to put a red cross with tomato sauce on them, double the price and call them "St Georges Battered Sausage".

I'm on to a winner 


Some of my 'clients'



 

Yo ho ho,

I've managed to stumble upon a whole box full of Maison Blank passes (strangley, they have Korean writing?).

I also have some prime Cambodian dog fish - the fish are in fillets not whole, as they were caught the traditional Filipino way with dynamite.

Not sure what the face value is as the writings a bit foreign 

Highdely ho, ship mates.

You may have noticed I've been away a bit recently.  That's because I've been on a Japanese whaling ship, learning the finer arts of sushi.

I can now even do those little bits of raw fish with the crumbly rice piled up on top. 

Any road up, if I have my menu this year as mainly raw stuff, I won't need the fryer.  However, I'm not sure whether my french punters will go for that kind of thing, seeing as they predominantley only eat bits of frog and goose livers.

So, I understand there may be an opportunity to ponce some good old 240 volts from the Dutch chaps (do they eat sushi?).  That way, I can bring the van with the fryer (remind me to do an oil change) and not have to worry about a generator.

I dropped into Office World a couple of days ago and have managed to knock up some flyers (not low ones though) and have my trusty MB pass from 1978.

Therefore, can Ricky and his pals make some space for me in the Hairy Triangle (I think I've got that right), as I intend to arrive on Sunday afternoon.

This year, I'll be joined by Captain Haddock.

Don't forget to splice the mainbrace.

Felix

I cast off for Le Havre on Monday, then up the Seine and LM bound.

Don't forget to save me my customary space.

Battered Tartiflete anyone?

Please e-mail your requirements early to avoid disappointment.

That camper would make a good conversion to a mobile chip van.  All that wood and cupboards could be ripped out and burned.  Then a nice piece of granite effect Formica could be fitted along one side with a shiney stainless steel grill and deep fat fryer on the other side.

The toilet could be used for the fridge for the battered sausages.

I haven't seen the little bugger for a while.  Maybe he'll show up in time to help me fillet the fish to take to Le Mans.

Gilles, what sort of fish are in the River Sarthe as I'm worried that I may run out.