Club Arnage

Come on then, stories (both good and bad) of when we met our heroes and what embarassing things did we do and/or say?

I'll set the ball rolling by saying that when I met Jacky Ickx a few years back, made a complete arse of myself by trying to speak French to him for some reason known only to the parts of my brain that seem bent on making me look like a pratt. He sort of looked at me then spoke in English!!!!!

A couple of years ago when Mario Andretti was driving a Panoz, I spotted him signing and passing out autographed photos and patiently waited to speak with him.
My turn came and, just as he handed me a signed photo, some little French s**t kid (no offence) tried to snatch it out of my, and his, hand.  I was so surprised, I (accidently) trod on the kids toes, making him promptly let go and run off.

I met Tom Walkinshaw at Donnington Park in the mid eighties, after a European Touring Car race. He had been driving the Jag XJS. I was standing in a doorway by the pits and the ginger haired megalomaniac wanted to come through. I didn't actually speak to him, but he spoke to me. He said "Shift!".

Lovely stuff.

Not exactly racing, but racey. I stood at the counter in the Ann Summers shop in Bayswater 2 feet away from Patsy Kensit and I was speechless (suprising for me) at what she was buying. Thought of a thousand things to say after the event as usual but as someone said to me once, ' Wimin.......they all love it up them' ( which I could argue about. Cue marriage jokes.)

Now come on Stu, you not getting off that easily! What exactly was she, and you, buying?

Catalogue ref. nos. will do.

H

 i got told to F**k off by van morrison, mind you I think everyone does

A couple of years ago,  some of our group took advantage of the fact that one of our number is a commercial pilot… and we hired a 6 seater plane to be flown by the erstwhile, Captain Pud… Great idea… Leave early Blighty Friday 08.00, get to Maison Blanche Noon… On the way back, get onto the bus at the corner of the airfield, where you’re taken to your plane… home and in the bath by 20.00 Sunday… Unfortunately, I am most definitely not the worlds greatest flier… I tolerate it, but hate it… and believe me if you’re not a great flier… small plane, big sky, long way down… it’s bloody horrible…

Anyway, having had a quick spin up with Captain Pud earlier that year to test my resolve, I thought I’d be able to handle a couple of hours airborne in what was in my opinion, a flying Cortina… provided that I had a large number of stiffeners prior to getting on board and constant supply of ale en route….

All was going to plan… We’re up in the blue yonder, across the Channel having just looked down on the D-Day beaches, I was managing to keep a hold of my nerves…  great…

However, the ale going in and the lack of Moto’s, Little Chefs, lay byes etc several thousand feet up was causing me a problem… Nothing for it but to p155 into an empty bottle and empty it out of the little window… which I did… It was a little unfortunate, however, that as it was being emptied out, some of the copious amounts exiting the bottle were blown against the door, which wasn’t exactly a great fit… resulting in a very fine spray of my very own special brew being blown into the back of our sky chariot… The lads in the back saw the funny side… eventually… ;D

The previous entry wasn't really a driver story but LM related... sorry...  but another  springs to mind... Was at the FOS in 2000 and was looking at a Ferrari which used to be driven by Didier Pironi...

Anyway, there was this chap in fireproofs sitting in the cockpit... he looked like an Italian racing driver type,... good looking, tanned...

Opening with 'Didier.. what a fantastic looking car, are you going to be driving it up the hill later ?' was met with 'Sorry mate, but I'm not Didier...'

Cue an embarrased retreat... I never did find out who he was...

Andy, you may be able to get your own back on Walkinshaw in the future. You may well bump into him in another door way. Stating hey ar*ehole, shift your crappy sleeping bag and begging cup and take your dog with cardboard im skint sign with you.
Brian.

I'm too much of a gentleman to tell you that she got a pink marble vibrator ( hard not flexy), some love lube and a video. It was around the time of her first split with Liam and I was working in Whitelys shopping centre next door on one of my many types of employment. I, of course was in asking for directions ( or getting that 3 phase power supply that my wife asked for).

Also not Le Mans but on a flight to France I sat behind the great Dave Allen who sat in exactly the same manner all through the flight as he did on the TV. Knee crossed, glass of finest whisky in one hand but no ciggy. Had a few grovelling words with him at the baggage carousel (along the lines of  'We're not worthy') and he then went to the bog the same time as my mate and stood at the stall next to him. Which starts the new thread/tangent....... Anybody had a celebrity Slash?.

Lords Taverners Xmas Lunch at The Grosvenor Park Lane 1995

Current Aussie skipper George Gregan one side... John Eales (then) Aussie skipper the other...

Well not quite slash .. celebrity shower!

The first time I ever played a full round of golf was at a pro-celeb days organised by a sub-contractor when I was myself contracted to British Gas (bless 'em). Anyway, all sorts of names in attendance, but I played my first ever round, other than my local pitch and putt with Kenny Lynch as a playing partner. Feck me, did he take the piss out of my game, although he let up (but only slightly) when he heard I'd never played before! (Favourite put down was "I thought this was the nearest the pin competition, not nearest the county").

Anyway to cut a potentially VERY long story short, we obviously hit the showers at the same time and feck me is it true in his case .. jeez!!!

Later had dinner and shared a taxi home with Anna Walker who had worn jodphurs to play golf in and was in the group ahead of us, no wonder my game was shite, although I can't use that excuse 10 years later, coz I ain't improved much!

Respect is due Sir!! A double ender!!!

Rickmeister... Anna Walker... luverly....

Once shared a lift with Emma Forbes at the LWT building on the south bank... I still get an uncontrollable stirring thinking about it even now... she was absolutely beautiful...

Two weeks ago I whent to the Bentley owners club meet at Silverstone with my to kids. My 7 year old daughter Amy, had a whale of a time.

1st she got to sit in "Old Mother Gun" wich I belived raced (or did it win?) at Le Mans, then a little sit in a Lotus 11.

We found the EXP8 No 8 Bentley wich they were demonstrating, parked in a garage. my three year old son, JJ, tryed to lift the Le Mans trophy that was just happend to be there! Wich made the Benley crew LOL.

Then we wanderd down to the Britling stand were the vitorious Bentley No7 was parked up. Guy Smith was hanging around talking to a few pepole wih handel-bar mostasches. JJ and Amy were having a look in the car, he wanderd over to JJ and asked if he would like to sit in, he went all shy, but Amy jumped at the chance. The speed she got in the car was so quick that Guy asked if she was avablible for next year!!!

Nice chap that Guy Smith.

Amy was grinning from ear to ear for the rest of the weekend. Dad was green.....

DW I have recently been told that the drinks bottles half full with yeelow liquid found on the roadside (and most eloquently described by BigH in a recent post), are known as "Lorry Driver's Cider". What does this make yours called? PP Pee?

DW as you probably know ex Le Mans winner Pironi is no longer with us. He perished in a powerboat accident of the Needles IOW several years after recovering from that horrific accident in a GP Ferrari.

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Andy

There are occasions when we've all made monumental, but absolutely unintentional faux pas... at the time I didn't know... the mate who was was with me pointed it out...

To say that I felt awful would be a massive understatement. Absolutely no disrespect was intended.

DW

None taken DW, just wasn't sure if you knew, that was all.

Joan Bakewell, game old girl - never knew she had it in her (so to speak!!). Respect is due!

Was once know as the thinking mans crumpet. I always see her these days as the thinking mans fire hydrant.

During a Lloyd Honeyghan fight I went to the gents and had a leak next to Jimmy White. Once he'd finished I expected him to chalk the end of his todger before he put away. But no, just a couple of shakes.

H

Andy,

Lorry Drivers Cider... Top one ;D

Not sure about the PP Pee... But a visit to a health specialist was needed by the boys affected... ;D

Motor racing of sorts,  a few years go whilst working in Eton, Prince William and his driver decided that they wouldnt wait for me to get out of the road and so  went zooming past me ( inch's to spare ) as if Murray Walker himself was giving him an ego boost . ..Bloody Royals, if yo udrive like that dont do it in a Range rover ,try something smaller , like a VW polo.

Well how about a Mercedes? In a Paris tunnel? Have I gone too far this time? Oh. Thought so.

John Brewer (aka Fax) has met more racing celebs than soft mick. Trouble is, his sincere wishes of good luck and long health invariebly lead to the driver's untimely demise. We have a bit of a joke about Fax's "Hand Shake of Death".
We believe he is responsible for the early 'checkings out' of none other than Bob Wolleck, Michaelli Alberetto and several US club racers.
David Brabham's card is marked and no error - and as for Ron Fellows - he had his f**k*ng photo taken with Fax at Road Atlanta last year. He's on borrowed time, I'm tellin ya!

Many a word spoken in jest etc...

Thank feck I have never met this so called Fax, it is worse than the Curse of the Commer. eg. I used the C to drop my brother at the airport this AM for his flight to the West Indes, it needed a run. I kid you not, I hadn't driven 200 yds down the ramp at Gatwick and it said on the radio there was a hurricane heading right there! It's the Curse, be warned.

BTW Matt, long time no chat. Guess you have been busy/bored of CA. I may be forced into your neck of the woods in late Nov. Be sure to hide... the Curse...

Hi Andy
The hurricane is headed in my bleedin' direction. The stuffed-shirt weather forecasters here get it wrong so often that when they start issuing warnings about stockpiling non-perishable goods or running for the hills, nobody takes any notice. This storm looks a bit scary and is tracking straight at central FL, as I write.
Let me know if you are heading over here, it would be great to put a face to a name. Not a hell of a lot of track action in Nov. Some club stuff at Sebring and Daytona and drag racing everywhere. That said we do like an occasional beer for medicinal purposes, have insane cars and bikes and it's still warm enough to check out the flange at the pool.
Just stay a respectfull distance from Fax'n' Figures - he's a Jonah!

I crossed urine streams with Mauro Baldi at Sebring a couple of years back - does that count for anything?  

Actually, dear old Fax has #3 to his tally too from Rolex before his demise at Daytona.  Brilliant Bob didn't stand a chance once Fax gave him the ice-cold touch at the Petit prior to his bike accident in Sebring.

Fax clearly is the Grim Reaper of autosport.  The picture I took of him with Ron Fellows strangely only had Ron Fellows in it.  Could never quite work that out.  And how the hell JJ, McNish and any of the Dyson folks are still walking, I'll never know....

Stick to the threds guys!
 
Lets talk about drivers we have met not ones who have gone. Even if it is the touch of someones hand. I lost a great friend, a great racing driver too, and I am sure he was not touched by the hand of FAX (who ever you may be)

Yes drivers lose the lives in our chosen sport, but do not make light of it. These are our heroes

Think Senna, Hawthorn, Collins and many more...........

 

Why can't we make light of it?  I thought this forum was about fun (the definition of Le Mans for most I hope).  I've got some great James Hunt jokes if you want to hear them...

Go easy Bobblehat.  Nothing malicious meant here.  I feel very honored to have met these great men before their passing.  Over here the paying public has a great deal of access to the competitors so its quite easy to meet the participants.  Mario has always been fun to stop and shoot the BS with.  Rick Mears has always been one of my favorites, he would stand and sign autographs until someone from Penske racing would physically drag him away.  Same with Emmo, always a smile on his face.  Took a slash with Mike Andretti a few years ago in Gasoline Alley at Indy, had a good laugh standing there.  My personal favorite though was having a cold Budweiser with Paul Newman back in '82 at Mid-Ohio.  It was over the Can-Am weekend and his team was there with a young driver from Louisville KY, a guy named Danny Sullivan.  Over the years met all three Villleneuve's, Gilles, Jacques & Jacques.  Also met JYS on several occasions.
Somebody mentioned Didier Pironi earlier.  I was actually a great fan of Didier's and to this day I wear one of his watches around.   Met Christie Brinkley at Indy back in the mid eighties.  Woof!!
Fax  

Had the good fortune to attend the 'Company Car In Action' day at MIRA test track 7 or 8 years ago. It's a bit like the Motor Show, but it's meant to be for Company Fleet Managers and the like.
All the manufacturers have their cars on show. You can get into them, look under the bonnet and even drive most of them.
If they have anything a little bit lively, they send you out with a 'proper' driver; letting him display the cars merits.
I paid a visit to the Audi stand and was particularly taken with the RS4. What a piece of kit I thought.
Anyway, sat myself down in the drivers seat and started gripping the steering wheel and fiddling with the controls.
It did cross my mid that the car was a bit scruffy on the inside and bloody filthy on the outside. Been driven hard I thought, everything else was gleeming.
A bloke walks up and is standing there, along side the open drivers door. Cheek thinks me, bit keen isn't he? "Excuse me" he says. "Yes, just a minute, won't be long" says me, not bothering to look up at him.  Trying to turf me out so he can have a mooch around the RS4. "Take your time in that case" I think to myself.
A few seconds later, he looses his patience............
"Can i have my my f**king car back please".
Johnathan Palmers own car............nothing to do with the Audi display.

Back in the late 80's, thru my dads work we used to get free tickets to Thruxton, this also somtimes involved lunch.
Therefore I was lucky enough to have a meal with Murry Walker, 'John Winter', Dave Price  & Derek Bell. Not all the same time! but pretty good I reckon.

We also once had a chance meeting at LM with a work contact of my dads that led to full hospitallty from 3M (where we met several French people who where famous but not to me), including, Pit passes, Pit Boxes, and the best part a pre race lap in a coarse car.