Club Arnage

(http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y119/BradRWills/NurburgringMay09436.jpg)

"I'll definately make it"... Steve Zarse - Nurburgring 2009.

Oh My God.....

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Needless to say he didn't "make it" fell into the fire, and is going to require treatment on his legs....and various other areas of his body....

But I'll let him tell the full stories though :)

Where's Doris got to with "that video"....?

I believe the first pass was a success but that the return journey was the one that did the damage.


Patience Bradley.  Weds night ....

Dx

Fantastic Pic. I will post some of the burns later.

Looks like Balls of on Fire to Me....

it's hard to pretend a lack of interest

but...

no...

no...

I will wait

but buggerme it needs to be good dunnit!

Will he ever be the same again?

Should he ever...

looks like "tales to tell around a well sorted barbie", with a minimum of two bottles of Leffe or 1666 on the go.
each.

cider optional

 ???

Mmmm....

What can I say other than I am sure it was a good idea at the time....

Video should be good ;D

Maybe BobU's escapades will be forgotten...

Since when is the gimp into scarification???

Holy crap that looks painfull!

There's a prize for most appropriate comment under your avatar there!! 

He did....and he'll definately never be the same again!!

that looks bloody hot, why is all I can think of is, chestnuts roasting by an open fire :-X   

(http://www.barganews.com/wp-content/gallery/necci/mondine-roast-chestnuts-barga-026.jpg)

but did he need any encouragement? 

Jerry Lee Lewis springs to mind  ;D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IjgZGhHrYY

I cant seem to get my pics off my card.... will investigate tomorrow when I can see properly. ;)

wait 'til you're sober instead Rex

he he

must have been good tho'

I'm really not sure what to put here.  ??? It seems a bit strange writing an end of term report three weeks before Le Mans. I could do the usual "we set off on friday in a bouyant frame of mind..." stuff but if I wrote a contemporaneous commentary it wouldn't take long before those who weren't there became bemused by the complete lack of logic in the subsequent carryings-on. Nor am I sure why I've written such a long commentary tonight when I should be in bed sleeping, but I had such a great time i think it's important to write these things down and trap them in cyber space for ever so that on days you're feeling a bit blue you can look back and remember the fun you had.

Most importantly we need to record the monsterous quantity of alcohol consumed. Last night Rex and myself calculated we got through over two hundred pints of beer, six bottles of vodka, a bottle of JD plus lashings of wine, cider and literally countless Jaegermeister and RedBull shots.  :( What an utter wasteof money and brain cells, but nonetheless, I'd like to say a big thank you to The Drink for making all this possible.

I'd like also to say we didn't see any cars, just like at Le Mans, but in fact we did. The curcuit, campsite and it's surrounding were achingly beautiful, a lesson to the ACO in how to organise an endurance race. And no floodlights out on track during the night. The pink "Dunkin' Donuts Holden rocked and it was great to see a Ford GT doing it's stuff too.

But mainly our weekend was all about a bunch of absolutely fantastic if somewhat drunken people, who I'm very priviledged to call my friends, being vile to each other. Characters one and all, you were all brilliant in your own unique and individual ways.

Firstly I want to mention contribution of the lovely Melans. I never knew it could be so much fun going on a boys trip with girls! Naughty Hayley has a very sharp mind and very little gets by her, including the vodka bottle. Esther always reminds me of Meryl Streep for some reason, she has that same graceful presence and inner spirit as Meryl, only with dried sick in her hair. Poor Kelly, a new Melan, didn't know what had hit her to start with, but she was a real chatterbox until she lost her voice on day two, either that or something had gone badly wrong with her brain, it was hard to tell which. Last but not least, there's the gorgeous Rowena who started this whole ball rolling in the first place. Weena's one of life's brightest stars. Look at any photo of her and you'll see just the sparkliest smile's on her face, her sense of fun is so infectious, you can't help having loads of giggles with her around the place. If only she'd stop twisting men's nipples - really really hard mind- she'd be perfect!

Steve Pyro Brown is possibly the cheekiest man I know, he could appear from the woods at any moment grinning and carrying something else unusual to throw on the fire. We never knew what it might be next, a wooden rocking horse maybe or perhaps a turquoise leather chesterfield sofa with matching pouffe, I wonder if those folk have realised their greenhouse is missing yet?

Rex is comic genius too, his acid wit and capacity for mind-altering drink knows no bounds. Doris was, well, Doris and we all know what that means; lovely basically. How someone can drink so much and yet somehow keep us just the right side of the law is an art in itself. Thanks for the saturday chilli D!

Brad I have to say was a complete star, it was his stag weekend and whilst it's possible to say he got an easy ride you need to remember everything is relative. Suffice to say, Steve Brown found a huge sheet of PVC and ten metres of foam-backed carpet. Spreading the carpet on the floor and the PVC on top, we smeared Brad's massive torso in I Can't Believe It's Not Butter and invented a new sport called German Butter Wrestling, the PVC soon got very slippery. Enough said...

The Stig - AKA Richard J Cutler - gave us a masterclass in aggressive motorway driving, even seasoned motorway hacks like me we're surprised with the veracity of the progress we made. So thanks for driving Rick, that car's amazing, five up and all the gear and then returning 43.8mpg at an average speed of 148 mph.

Last but not least is Steve Zarse who needless to say, was the complete c**t. If you've never seen a half-naked man failing to leap over a bonfire then I do recommend it. As can be seen from the above photo it was a thing of immense grace. Imagine a World Champion diver taking a run up at a springboard and you'll have a flavour of the thing. Word soon got round the campsite and people put down their packing-up to come and watch, I think there were several hundred of them, standing in silent anticipation of the great moment.  He came pounding in, launching himself sky high and hurtling above the fire in one fabulous leap, as can be seen, racing up and through the terrible flames. It was beautiful man.

I'm not sure what happened, whether he realised he possibly wasn't going to completely make it or maybe it had dawned on him that his velocity seemed to be suddenly and catastrophically falling away, but just after the halfway point - and I could be imagining this - his face seemed to be indicating that he was having second thoughts about the whole endeavour. At this point his arms started flailing around like aeroplane propellers in a vain attempt to regain some altitude. It didn't work, clearly, so he changed tack and took on the demeanour of a long jumper hurling his feet forward like Bob Beaman in the Mexico Olympics. Regretably none of these tactics worked desperately well.

He landed on top of the bonfire, crashing through a burning wardrobe, one leg instantly becoming wedged in the white hot drum of a spin-dryer Steve Brown had found, the other leg trapped in the molten and twisted steel frame of one of those really complicated plastic picnic tables that nobody can ever put up and which collapse as soon as you sit on them. I can only imagine that from Seve's point of view it must have been like being in a Bessemer Converter. If you can imagine a cross between the sound of a monkey with a habenero chilli wedged up it's jap's eye and the terrified shrieking of an escaped pig in an abbatoir, then you're halfway there. The flailing arms started again and to my mind he looked like somebody having a terrible dream who'd became all tangled up in the bed clothes. Fortunately we all poured beer and weeweed on him as his charred remain were dragged out of the inferno, his legs looked like pork crackling.

Then we came home.

Andy - your report - Priceless.

Had me in stitches.

As for Steve, hope his legs are Ok in the long run, and I can never eat pork scratchings again, which is good really.

Raise a glass  to all you mad people.

Thanks Andy, I'm glad someone has written up the trip for posterity. Now we just need to see the pics  :)

Nice write up; made my morning as I was spluttering out coffee at various points ;D


Photos? or better yet, video?

Andy
Great report, humour, erudition and correct grammar!
Made my morning!

Steve

Fine words Mr Zarse.
Can I just say thanks to everyone for such a fantastic weekend ;D

The first event that made it obvious it was going to be a blinder was going for brekkie on the ferry and being told by the girl serving "I know YOU"... "No you dont!".... "Yes... you're Rex, you were at Vickys party"... spooky... but she gave me a large portion. ;)

It was the first jolly of that type that I havn't had to organise and drive to so it was so good to be able to take a back seat.. literally and watch the world go by (at break neck speed). Andy's excellence of horn and headlight control ensured a clear road ahead and Ricks smooth driving meant that no one spilled their beer.
Conveniently all services sold cold beer so no one had to drink warm ones and I was introduced to Hogarden Raspberry... mmmmm ;D (Cans were too small though)
Andy enjoyed Big Nuts in Belgium, as did claire when I got home.

It was soon lunchtime and the first Bar/Restaurant we found was superb... and called MAISON BLANCHE :o Fine food and beer had by all.

Then we hit site and the rest is history... well will go down in History ;)

Thanks again all... Fine travelling companions.

We wont mention Rubbish Trailers, VW Sumps, Sleeping bags, Sleeping with beer etc hehe ;D ;D

Glad my sports report has caused a titter on here, events did at the time too.

Ah yes, all that and more Rex. I also omitted to say anything above about me, but needless to say i was my usual witty and urbane self, only covered in indescribable filth. So I'll own up to sleeping with beer. On the first night I was perishing cold and damp all night and could hardly sleep. I'd forgotten I'd gone to bed with an open pint bottle of beer in the inside pocket of my jacket...  >:(

Oh and finally, BobU no doubt will be pleased to note that a certain somebody has stolen his "shitpants" mantle. If I tell you that the pants concerned had a black fishnet back sown onto a leatherette penis cosy at the front and that the wearer sometimes also carries a sex knife then you might be able to guess who it was. He'll need a new sleeping bag for Le mans.

[/quote]


Oh and finally, BobU no doubt will be pleased to note that a certain somebody has stolen his "sh*tpants" mantle.

[/quote]

YEeeeeHhhhaaa Free at last.

OK then

what's it worth to ensure the picture never sees the light of day?  >:D

(not  that there IS a picture of course, 'cos the Messy Houx Annexers Code of Honour dictates/requires that we.......... )

I still blench at the very memory of it

It was indeed an amazing weekend, with a fantastic bunch of nutters. Can you believe we'll be doing it all again 2wks from today?!  ;D

Kelly's asked me to ask if anyone picked up her old skanky red jacket? it didn't return from Germany and apparently she's very attached to it.

I think Rick's got the red jacket, we found it after you lot had buggered off and left us with the clearing up  ;)

We also found Esther's tin opener, she must be starving by now, no tarka daal for brekky! Again I think it's with Rick.

Let me know what to do with the jacket, could post it or pass it on at LM?

Ahh... The Mystery red jacket. Send me Kelly's number and I will tell her where it is?
Was there something important in the pockets? ;) ;D >:D

All sorted. Row has been informed and all will be taken to Le Mans.

excellent to hear your stories :D

so looking forward to Le Mans :)

Mr Z,

All I can say is what an absolutely outstanding sports report - such is the quality of the prose and deeds being described, it is worthy of being read against the introduction music "Out of the Blue", which has been the BBC sports report music for around 60 years - composed originally for a pre-war RAF display at Hendon aerodrome, and the deeds that occasioned your prose are worthy of a good Friday night in any Mess.  To add a touch of class next time (if there is one) might I suggest that the obstacle is a burning piano?

MG Mark

Cheeky! i think you'll find we were sent packing by you lot with a tea spoon of sugar  ;)

you needed that sugar to help the medicine go down ;)

Well it did the trick as we got to the port early  :P :) :P

He had a big off during practice

(http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs089.snc1/4636_105152310714_533530714_3211450_2836515_n.jpg)



Limbering up

(http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs089.snc1/4636_105152220714_533530714_3211438_3033492_n.jpg)

It went off in his hand!

Drink more Pineapple Juice! ;)

Eat more celery    ;)

Dx

Maybe someone should explain the Mary Poppins references in some of this ;D

Hayley:  Brad you drive like an utter C***

Brad:  No I don't, you just can't keep up

Hayley:  Of course we can't - Mary Poppins drives at 55 mph everywhere.....

Or something similar..... it appears to have stuck :)

Oh I see, I thought it related to this...

(http://img38.imageshack.us/img38/7914/zarse.jpg)

Indeed, it was an absolute fab weekend.  Huge thanks to everyone who put up with my compulsion to ferret about and burn stuff.

The cheap Lidl beer seemed to do the job - the only drink related side effects I suffered was a Red Bull caffiene headache from the Jager bombs  ::)

Cheers to Mr Z for so eloquently summarising the highlights of the weekend - in fact, it was ALL one big highlight.

Ich habe  ;D

Andy, Rex, Brad, Steve, Rick, Doris, Ro, Hayley, Est, Kelly viel dank für ein großes Wochenende  ;D

The perspective on that picture is just wrong, the butter takes it to another low  :-X
Your not playing with my boy again.

Sorry to drop the bomb Ian.... but we are all there at the main event on Saturday ;D
Did your little boy forget to tell you!
Dont worry about Steve being a nuisance, Andy will be pushing his wheelchair so absolutely nothing can go wrong ;)
He will have his ball gag strapped up tight to avoid outbursts and so we can eat all his food.
You dont have to worry about all the rest of us..... we are nice boys >:D

I mentioned it in the other thread, but great report AndyZ.  I'm still waiting to see the video Doris?

LPP, I can't believe you bumped into Georgina on the ferry.  Glad she managed to give you more food for your money, shame she wasn't working the bar eh?

I didn't recognise her but I must have made a lasting impression for her to remember my name!
I think she fancied me judging by the way she looked at the sausage while serving me ;)

she's ben ladens girlfriend, they'll be at the party on the 4th july

From here on in, she will be known as Georgina not of the naughty tent..... despite our best efforts and falling on my arse over the guy rope of her tent as we tried to tempt her.....

This is where it all started to go badly wrong...

surprised he didn't come back in an urn looking at that photo  :)

It would have been less painful than the state he did come back in.

Dx

Good point Mark, there's other music that comes to mind. Fire by The Crazy World of Steve Arthur Brown being just one of them.

Andy,

I hope that they will be running this event again in 2009 - I believe it might offer the perfect opportunity.........venue, class, fire, good music, a good cause etc etc....

MG Mark   

Burn M****r F****R Burn by the Blood Hound Gang springs to mind.
He sent me a photo of his burns last nite but I cannot come up with a fitting description for the mess... Unless you have seen Cannibal Hollocaust and the body on the stake scene. Horrible ;)

LPP. post the photos and let all of us decide whether they are worthy of comment.

Are there no limits to the depths we will sink to here???

Hey Smokester! You're in charge here!

I've just seen his bandages. They're big and weeping!

Has anyone got a photo of the typhoid thingy too? (you had to be there)

I cant... Scenes in a Korean dog skinning video are lame compared to his injuries. Awful beyond belief... weeping open sores. This time they ae on his legs. ;D

OMG.... Photos extracted at last..... Ghastly scenes await the unwary. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEwwwwwwwwwwwww