Club Arnage

 >:( >:( >:(

I was in my local fish and chip shop on friday evening and whilst awaiting my haddock to be cooked, in walked a seemingly nice looking forty-something well-spoken middle class woman. She made her request for a small cod and chips by opening her sentence with the hideous words "Can I get...". Grrr, what a horrible pig ignorant bitch! I was appalled and whilst recovering from the shock of hearing such a vile phrase, ten seconds later in walked another similar woman who strolled to the counter and said; yes you've guessed it... the can-I-get phrase. The weasel-faced cow had all nasty blue veins running down her neck and I had a barely controlable urge to grab her by the back of the head and smash her stupid ugly face through the glass of the hot cabinet and into a red hot Pukka pie (chicken and mushroom). Then I was going to get hold of the original woman and inflict an act of severe VBRJ over the fruit machine; that would have learnt 'em some manners. Of course instead I just stood there and said nothing.

Anyway, if ever there was a phrase that annoys me more than "can I get" I've yet to hear it. It's so blood rude and stupid; no you can't f**k*ng get it, but I can get it for you though and if you want it you can f**k*ng well ask me properly. Bastards!  >:( >:( >:(

I sympathize. It is a truly appalling expression. And I can't help feeling that the situation was exacerbated by the fact that it was being said by people old enough to know better/too f++king old to watch 'Friends' all the time.

Do you know that someone sent me an email a few months ago suggesting we organise some 'face space soon.' I suggested that if he used an expression like that ever again then I would have to kill him.

 ;D

What did you expect in a fish & chip shop? There's me thinking that you had a finer pallete than to eat greasy chav food. I suppose you washed it down with a bottle of Irn Bru

And talking of "Can I get" havn't you ever heard "Can I get a witness" by Marvin Gaye? A finer piece of Motown magic would be hard to find.

Truly appalling - as bad as when people use 'learn' instead of 'teach'   :-\ :-\ :-\  Hope it didn't spoil the haddock   ;D ;D

I read an article in a paper years ago of this chap, disturbed from his sunday repose every week by the chimes from an ice cream vendor's van, decided to strike back.  The next time the ice cream van came round, he walked to the head of the long line of kids waiting to be served, and said the the vendor "Would you give all these kids whatever ice cream they want?"  "Yes", said the vendor, and promptly dispensed ice-creams to all.   When he asked the chap for the money, the chap said "I asked if you would GIVE them all ice creams, and you agreed to" and he then walked away.

Thank you kind Sir.

Randy

Hi Randy, don't worry; it's pronounced pucker not puker.  :)

Pukka Pies are a national brand of industrially manufactured meat pies. To be fair they don't taste too bad, though the origin of the ingredients are sometimes questionable. I once had to throw up out of the car window into a roadside gutter because my chicken and mushroom pie contained a hen's beak and comb with a few feathers attached to the remainder of the skull.

I hope some day you come to England so you I can buy you one! With a large chips and curry sauce and pickled egg after kicking out time at the pub. :o ;)

http://www.pukkapies.co.uk/about-us.html

The country has gone to the dogs and no mistake.

Its a sad day when a gentleman can no longer visit his local Fish and Chip outlet without having to suffer fools who struggle with the Queens (god bless her) English and grammer.

Mind you our local chippy is run by a Chinese couple, nice people but they can't fry a decent chip nor batter a cod. Their English is pretty decent and I am sure they would have shown the people you encountered the door.

Yes but this was in Haywards Heath for heavens sake and these women should have known better! It used to be everso hanky-up-cuff, and now look at it.  :(

Which area is your local chippy, so I know to pass on by? Anyway, I expect they haven't got the oil hot enough, that's normally half the trouble.

Yes but Marvin was an American, and they don't know any better  ;)

I've been looking at the new Becker Mexico retro stereo for the E type but it doesn't say if it is positive or negative earth so I wrote to a supplier. He replied first of all that batteries have both terminals so I replied and patiently explained in detail what I meant by positive or negative earth. here is his reply; I need a translation please....................

I See!! Just havent head of this being done for years.
>>
>> Its possable if you car has no fans and is just a standard car - In most
>> cases this would involve a rewire to swap over the palaroty on the
>> dinamo.
>>
>> In 25 years i've only ever heard of this being done once. Bit of a
>> nightmear to what i hear.

What a nightmare, fancy not knowing that trick to reverse the palaroty of a dinamo by hitting it with a hammer. I'd say the ignorant lout needs his face pushing into a boiling pie, leaving it permantly scarred by scalding gravy and succulent chopped and shaped chicken chunks. A bit of VBRJ won't go amiss on someone like him either.

Has anyone else noticed that since the start of the olympics the English language has aquired a new verb?

The verb to medal.


"She is the first British woman to medal in this sport for 20 years"

"We fully expect more of our athletes to medal overnight"


I would expect a hoity toity horsey type like Claire Balding to know that you win medals there is no such thing as an act of medaling.

Old but good

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUaWCcDlI5s

I wouldn't meddle if I were you Bob.

Might I also be so bold as to point out the insidious use of the words Coulda, shouda and woulda.
As in Coulda tried harder at school, shouda got a qualification and woulda got a job intead of being on benefit.

And don't get me started on "Would you borrow me a ......."

Well, "you should of borrowed me" takes it to a new plane I feel.

I received an email this morning starting

"Hello
 
Please bare with me while i try to explain as briefly as possible my situation."


I replied saying I would need to see a photograph before I would consider undressing with a stranger but that I would be happy to bear with her while she found one.

On another forum I frequent (ok, to stop the suspcious thoughts it's for Capri owners!....there....shamed!)......too many people for my liking refer to having problems with their 'breaks'.   Something to do with stopping the car by all accounts.   ???

I should of told you befoor that ill never borrow you that peace. My dinamos palaroty is not in question but I am upset that my car has no fans. I like it anyway.

Another one I read today was someone writing about an "hairlewm" passed down through the family!

I so agree with this >:D

Who decided to allow so muchly mangeliseing of a bootifule langwidge


My favourite hate?

"should of"

what the hell does "should of" mean?

what illegitimate abuser of the tongue invented that abortive effort?


OR MAYBE IT ISN'T SUPPOSED TO REPLACE


Should have

AFTER ALL

off for a quiet "hide in a dark room" 'til the world gets naice again...

How about iatoo?

As in "Iatoo run for the bus today"

Heard in Birmingham once; Breakfasts's's (pronounced brek/fus/sus/is) As in "We 'ad we brekfussuses"

All perfectly charming, unlike can-I-get  >:(

Can I get a Ham on brown WTF. I don't know about everyone else but I prefer my sandwich filling inside two pieces of bread not on top.

My pet hates are:

(Normally heard when two teenage girls are talking to each other) "And she was like, and I was like, and she was like, and I was like oh my God"

The other irritating improper use of English (especially up here in North Lincolnshire) is when someone responds to a statement like - "I was going to go to the pub" with "Was yer".

My wife works in a local secondary modern school and if you'd seen a letter sent to a parent by the Head of English you would either die laughing or die of shame.

What on earth is happening?

To continue in this vein, Gary Glitter is on his way back to Blightly  :o

Thats current BBC talk, like 'she has medalled'.

It's the new BBC language we all must learn.  Where the f*ck is English?

I don't fancy his chances of passing through imigration

I notice Peter that you went to the same skool as me for spelling.

BTW, if she 'medalled', what in? Drugs maybe.

Everything!

As I said, same skool of spelling mate. I quote ' as ever, foot/shot/gob gomes to mind'.  :D

On the subject of emails and frying.... I received a forward from the contractors working for us that happened to have a comment a few mails below. "He has a whole basket of chips on his shoulder" was enough for her to get threatened with dismissal.... but she had not yet attended "Diversity" training...
I thought it was rather funny as I had obviousy riled her a little.... and I bet her ass twitched when she was confronted >:D He He! ;D

Well my spelling and grammar is not that good.  I'm not sure where to put the apostrophe in many cases.  My spelling is atrocious. But you don't need good English to mow lawns.  None the less I think the BBC should use the correct grammar etc in the Factual and Current affairs programs.    Just because I can't spell I don't expect the rules to change to accommodate my problems.

IF they are going to change the rule then lets start spelling Fish:  Ghoti.

t.

Speaking of the BBC and their use of language ...

I was listening to Radio 5 the other night on my way home from Cardiff.  The news came on and it was reported that "A woman who survived the plane crash at Madrid airport last week died in hospital from injuries sustained in the accident."  (paraphrased)

Surely if she died due to injuries sustained in the accident she didn't survive it did she?

Dx

This was the exchange between the landlord of my local and a dozy chav bint last night. Made me smile and think of this thread.


Girl.  "Can I get 2 Bacardi Breezers and a white wine?" 

Landlord. "No, that's what I do"

Girl.  "Huh"

Landlord.  "That's what I do, You ask me for a drink, I get them for you, you pay me"

Girl. "Yeh?"

Landlord. "So would you like me to get your drinks for you?"

Girl>  "Yeh cool"

When she got back to her mates I heard her say "Wos is fakin problem"


The Landlord tutted and rolled his eyes.

Bob, you've just put me in mind of my pet hate whilst I'm working behind the bar ...

Customer:  "What white wine do you do by the glass?"

Me: "Pinot Grigio, an oaked Chardonnay, and an unoaked Chardonnay."

Customer: "Do you not do a Sauvignon Blanc by the glass?"

Me (in my head): "AAAAAHHHHHHHHH"

Dx

Doris

Just tell them that it comes in a big glass, exactly the same size and shape (and, most importantly price) as a bottle.

See Bob I told you; it's a phrased used by sub-human scum. I'm surprised you didn't smash her in the face with your bottle of WKD Blue.

To continue in this vein, Gary Glitter is on his way back to Blightly  :o




Apparently he's househunting up here atm. Now, where did I put my firearms certificate application form?

He was brought back weeks ago wasn't he?

Lock up your daughters!!  ;D

"Do ya wanna touch me there, where, there, yeah"

Slightly off topic but just a heads-up
M & S are now selling advent calendars so you'd better get in quick. Time is running short ???