Title: What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: Ruptured Duck Motorsport on July 17, 2003, 10:56:38 am
It's official: Masturbating good for men's health
LONDON (Reuters) - Frequent masturbation, particularly in the 20s, helps prevent prostate cancer later in life, according to new research.
Australian scientists have shown that the more men masturbate between the ages of 20 and 50, the less likely they are to develop the disease that kills more than half a million men each year.
They suspect that frequent ejaculation has a protective effect against the cancer because it prevents dangerous carcinogens from building up in the gland.
"The more you flush the ducts out, the less there is to hang around and damage the cells that line them," Graham Giles, of the Cancer Council Victoria in Melbourne, told New Scientist magazine on Wednesday.
In a survey of 1,079 prostate cancer patients and 1,259 healthy men, Giles and his team discovered that men who ejaculated more than five times a week in their 20s were a third less likely to develop an aggressive form of the disease.
The findings contradict previous studies which suggested that having a variety of partners or frequent sexual activity could increase the risk of prostate cancer by 40 percent.
But Giles said the earlier research concentrated on intercourse, whereas his study focused on masturbation. Infections caused by sexual activity could account for the different findings.
"Men have many ways of using their prostate which don't involve women or other men," he added
LONDON (Reuters) - Frequent masturbation, particularly in the 20s, helps prevent prostate cancer later in life, according to new research.
Australian scientists have shown that the more men masturbate between the ages of 20 and 50, the less likely they are to develop the disease that kills more than half a million men each year.
They suspect that frequent ejaculation has a protective effect against the cancer because it prevents dangerous carcinogens from building up in the gland.
"The more you flush the ducts out, the less there is to hang around and damage the cells that line them," Graham Giles, of the Cancer Council Victoria in Melbourne, told New Scientist magazine on Wednesday.
In a survey of 1,079 prostate cancer patients and 1,259 healthy men, Giles and his team discovered that men who ejaculated more than five times a week in their 20s were a third less likely to develop an aggressive form of the disease.
The findings contradict previous studies which suggested that having a variety of partners or frequent sexual activity could increase the risk of prostate cancer by 40 percent.
But Giles said the earlier research concentrated on intercourse, whereas his study focused on masturbation. Infections caused by sexual activity could account for the different findings.
"Men have many ways of using their prostate which don't involve women or other men," he added
Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: GeeBee on July 17, 2003, 11:12:03 am
" "Men have many ways of using their prostate which don't involve women or other men," he added "
How many for God's sake???
What company used to ask punters to send in different uses for their product? Is this going to be the same?
"1001 Things to do with a Prostate"
Just a (slightly worrying) thought.
GeeBee
How many for God's sake???
What company used to ask punters to send in different uses for their product? Is this going to be the same?
"1001 Things to do with a Prostate"
Just a (slightly worrying) thought.
GeeBee
Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: Andy Zarse on July 17, 2003, 12:09:29 pm
Dreamracer,
Where do you unearth all this rubbish? From the same skip in France as the historic photos?
What a man chooses to do with his prostrate gland is surely his own affair. And everything these days is prostate this and prostate that. We all seem to have forgotten about the only slightly less amusing Cowpers gland.
Where do you unearth all this rubbish? From the same skip in France as the historic photos?
What a man chooses to do with his prostrate gland is surely his own affair. And everything these days is prostate this and prostate that. We all seem to have forgotten about the only slightly less amusing Cowpers gland.
Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: smokie on July 17, 2003, 04:09:15 pm
You're obviously not a Times reader Andy, this was Front Page News.
There were five main stories on their front page today. Top story was the marine who'd run off with a 12 year old girl, then under that Rapes Soar by a Quarter, under that the prostate story. Then to the right "Pick one of four hospitals for your surgery". Fits well with the prostate story. Joined up thinking (of a fashion) so far...
Then, totally out of the blue, We're Still At War, says US General.
What's the link there, I hear you ask? I reckon they're subtly suggesting the guy's a w**k*r!
There were five main stories on their front page today. Top story was the marine who'd run off with a 12 year old girl, then under that Rapes Soar by a Quarter, under that the prostate story. Then to the right "Pick one of four hospitals for your surgery". Fits well with the prostate story. Joined up thinking (of a fashion) so far...
Then, totally out of the blue, We're Still At War, says US General.
What's the link there, I hear you ask? I reckon they're subtly suggesting the guy's a w**k*r!
Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: Andy Zarse on July 17, 2003, 04:24:11 pm
Thankfully they don't put this sort of disgraceful gratuitous filth in the Telegraph old boy.
Other than your suggestion re the guy being a w**k*r, I cannot think of any link. But then again I cannot think of any link, however tenuous, between this story and Le Mans, unless, did a Studebaker ever race at Le Mans?
BTW, my mate Chris who comes to Le Mans has no risk of ever catching cancer of the giblets, as he is a "three a day" man. Following our stay on MB this year, he now claims to have done it in a toilet on every campsite on the curcuit, except Bleu, somewhat surprisingly given its name and Beausejour which is too far to walk apparently.
Other than your suggestion re the guy being a w**k*r, I cannot think of any link. But then again I cannot think of any link, however tenuous, between this story and Le Mans, unless, did a Studebaker ever race at Le Mans?
BTW, my mate Chris who comes to Le Mans has no risk of ever catching cancer of the giblets, as he is a "three a day" man. Following our stay on MB this year, he now claims to have done it in a toilet on every campsite on the curcuit, except Bleu, somewhat surprisingly given its name and Beausejour which is too far to walk apparently.
Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: jpchenet on July 17, 2003, 06:09:23 pm
Following our stay on MB this year, he now claims to have done it in a toilet on every campsite on the curcuit, except Bleu, somewhat surprisingly given its name and Beausejour which is too far to walk apparently.
At least he should walk back quicker having lightened his load!! ;)
Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: Ruptured Duck Motorsport on July 17, 2003, 07:41:55 pm
Beausejour which is too far to walk apparently.
My god, I am pleased to have been in Beausejour this year then!
Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: BigH on July 17, 2003, 07:51:18 pm
Blimey Andy,
After four days with Chris in MB I'm surprised the Comma could muster any traction when it came to leaving time.
It would seem prostate cancer can be crossed off his list of things to worry about, but maybe he should add 'severe chafing'. Mind you, he must have a foreskin like saddle leather by now.
H
After four days with Chris in MB I'm surprised the Comma could muster any traction when it came to leaving time.
It would seem prostate cancer can be crossed off his list of things to worry about, but maybe he should add 'severe chafing'. Mind you, he must have a foreskin like saddle leather by now.
H
Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: Andy Zarse on July 18, 2003, 11:22:54 am
Chris advises me the shaft of his "tool" is now moulded to the shape of his hand, rather like the soft plastic grip on a bike handlebar. Apparently if anyone else touches it, and one would hope he is referring to a female other person, it doesnt feel quite right. And his right arm has the physique of a lobsters claw.
He claims that when he was at Uni, he entered a cometition and did it fourteen times in 24 hours. It seems on the last few go's, only a small gust of strange smelling gas and some white powder were emitted.
Chris wears glasses and has shares in Kleenex.
He claims that when he was at Uni, he entered a cometition and did it fourteen times in 24 hours. It seems on the last few go's, only a small gust of strange smelling gas and some white powder were emitted.
Chris wears glasses and has shares in Kleenex.
Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: jpchenet on July 18, 2003, 12:47:03 pm
Chris wears glasses and has shares in Kleenex.
Father walks into the bathroom one night and catches his son pulling one of in the bath.
Father: "Don't w*nk in the bath son, it makes your ears go red"
Son: "Don't be silly dad, people say w*nking makes you go blind, but it doesn't make your ears go red!"
Father: "It bl**dy well does if you do it in my bath!!!" SLAP!!
Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: Ruptured Duck Motorsport on July 18, 2003, 12:53:55 pm
You recall that tale very well sir! ;D The incident obviously stuck in your mind :o ;)
Father walks into the bathroom one night and catches his son pulling one of in the bath.
Father: "Don't w*nk in the bath son, it makes your ears go red"
Son: "Don't be silly dad, people say w*nking makes you go blind, but it doesn't make your ears go red!"
Father: "It bl**dy well does if you do it in my bath!!!" SLAP!!
Father walks into the bathroom one night and catches his son pulling one of in the bath.
Father: "Don't w*nk in the bath son, it makes your ears go red"
Son: "Don't be silly dad, people say w*nking makes you go blind, but it doesn't make your ears go red!"
Father: "It bl**dy well does if you do it in my bath!!!" SLAP!!
Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: Steve Pyro on July 18, 2003, 10:05:05 pm
He claims that when he was at Uni, he entered a cometition and did it fourteen times in 24 hours. It seems on the last few go's, only a small gust of strange smelling gas and some white powder were emitted.Chris wears glasses and has shares in Kleenex.
Help, I've just pissed myself laughing and ruptured my prostate. :-[
Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: BryanC on July 18, 2003, 10:55:25 pm
To quote Viz, also known as-
'Working from home' or 'relaxing in a gentlemenly manner'
Regards
Bryan C
'Working from home' or 'relaxing in a gentlemenly manner'
Regards
Bryan C
Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: jpchenet on July 19, 2003, 10:33:12 am
Or a date with Mrs thumb and her four beautiful daughters!! ;)
Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: Pidgeon on July 19, 2003, 06:34:18 pm
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Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: rex on July 19, 2003, 07:16:51 pm
Hi everybody,I'm back from Le mans at last.No i didn't take a wrong turning when leaving.but enjoyed a few more days in the sun.Good to meet you guys at the shampoo bar(though not much being drunk).Got my confirmation of request for tickets for next year.The blue touch paper has been lit,stand back for11 moths and hope !!!
Reason for posting was reading the other posts reminded me a witty limerick Iheard.
There was a young man from Bombay
Who moulded a c**t out of clay
But the heat from his dick
turned the clay into brick
and rubbed all his foreskin away!! ???
Reason for posting was reading the other posts reminded me a witty limerick Iheard.
There was a young man from Bombay
Who moulded a c**t out of clay
But the heat from his dick
turned the clay into brick
and rubbed all his foreskin away!! ???
Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: Andy Zarse on July 21, 2003, 11:39:09 am
He claims that when he was at Uni, he entered a cometition and did it fourteen times in 24 hours. It seems on the last few go's, only a small gust of strange smelling gas and some white powder were emitted.
Chris wears glasses and has shares in Kleenex.
Chris wears glasses and has shares in Kleenex.
I have this morning received a letter from Chris's lawyers asking me to apologise for the terrible stain I have cast on his good character (although I bet it's not as big as the stain he's cast on his bed sheets).
I am happy to set the record straight. I now accept that to say he won the competition with a score of fourteen is wholly inaccurate. The correct score was eighteen.
EIGHTEEN!! In 24 hours! Jesus!
I have no hesitation in offering an unreserved apology for the professional distress and hurt feelings I have cause. I have offered to pay substantial sum in damages to Chris, who has asked me to pay them to the charity of his choice. He has nominated RoSPWISBaS. (Royal Society for the Prevention of Wrist Injuries and Snapped Banjo Strings)
I consider the matter closed, just like Chris's fist.
Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: BigH on July 21, 2003, 04:20:55 pm
Eighteen in 24 hours!
Now, it's not motor racing I know, but it's endurance to say the least. Le Vingt Quatre Heures du Glans I'd say. It brings to mind the Brunsport Porche that expired on the last lap in 1989. Whether Walti was busy cranking the last one out on the virage Ford at the time when smoke started belching out the cockpit, I can't say. But you couldn't blame him, he's a man after all, with lusts and desires. Anyway, those cockpit cams soon put paid to that sort of carry on.
When you mention a dry gust on the last go, I can't help thinking of a snake caught in a dust storm clearing its throat with a kind of hacking cough, maybe he should have fed it a little linctus.
And as for his 'handlebar grip', at least he'll know when he's met the right woman. Like King Arthur and Excalibur, they'll be as one, a perfect fit. 'And as I hold this Knob, I take my place as the True, and Righful, Queen of all of Englande'.
H
Now, it's not motor racing I know, but it's endurance to say the least. Le Vingt Quatre Heures du Glans I'd say. It brings to mind the Brunsport Porche that expired on the last lap in 1989. Whether Walti was busy cranking the last one out on the virage Ford at the time when smoke started belching out the cockpit, I can't say. But you couldn't blame him, he's a man after all, with lusts and desires. Anyway, those cockpit cams soon put paid to that sort of carry on.
When you mention a dry gust on the last go, I can't help thinking of a snake caught in a dust storm clearing its throat with a kind of hacking cough, maybe he should have fed it a little linctus.
And as for his 'handlebar grip', at least he'll know when he's met the right woman. Like King Arthur and Excalibur, they'll be as one, a perfect fit. 'And as I hold this Knob, I take my place as the True, and Righful, Queen of all of Englande'.
H
Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: Andy Zarse on July 21, 2003, 11:08:25 pm
I'm not sure if cockpit cranking is still against the rules these days. Should I ask the ACO or the British Board of Wanking Control?
I know about the Porsche incident but who remembers the infamous episode with the Moskevitch team in 1963? Beautifully driven by Janka Bollokoff and Sven Onansson, and although leading the under 2000cc class, the drivers foolishly tried to get the Ferrari pit crew involved in a w**k circle behind the old pits complex. It is rumoured Enzo Ferrari, in a fit of pique, had them disqualified for using illegal magazines and lubricant. It is well known Enzo was no stranger to the pleasures of the palm, indeed this is why he became known as "The Old Man"; it has nothing to do with his age.
A messy business, of which no one has ever gotten to the bottom of. Best to just leave it, I say.
Finally, last word on the subject, Chris has very kindly offered to give CA forum members a wanking Masterclass at next years race. He will help you amateur players iron out the bugs in your grip and swing and show you tips on how to avoid the dreaded w**k*rs block. I am sure we would all be thrilled and honoured to attend this premiere event. Let me know if you are interested.
I know about the Porsche incident but who remembers the infamous episode with the Moskevitch team in 1963? Beautifully driven by Janka Bollokoff and Sven Onansson, and although leading the under 2000cc class, the drivers foolishly tried to get the Ferrari pit crew involved in a w**k circle behind the old pits complex. It is rumoured Enzo Ferrari, in a fit of pique, had them disqualified for using illegal magazines and lubricant. It is well known Enzo was no stranger to the pleasures of the palm, indeed this is why he became known as "The Old Man"; it has nothing to do with his age.
A messy business, of which no one has ever gotten to the bottom of. Best to just leave it, I say.
Finally, last word on the subject, Chris has very kindly offered to give CA forum members a wanking Masterclass at next years race. He will help you amateur players iron out the bugs in your grip and swing and show you tips on how to avoid the dreaded w**k*rs block. I am sure we would all be thrilled and honoured to attend this premiere event. Let me know if you are interested.
Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: jpchenet on July 22, 2003, 12:22:59 pm
Good to see you back Rex. Hope the building work went well and that the break afterwards was relaxing!!
Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: Pidgeon on July 22, 2003, 02:16:31 pm
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Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: Andy Zarse on July 22, 2003, 02:28:10 pm
Hiya Pidg!
Seems some traditions persist at Ferrari.
Seems also you attend some fairly strange parties given your previous jpeg offering. Wonderful!
Seems some traditions persist at Ferrari.
Seems also you attend some fairly strange parties given your previous jpeg offering. Wonderful!
Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: Pidgeon on July 22, 2003, 03:41:17 pm
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Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: gibberish on July 22, 2003, 05:32:34 pm
With all this ejaculation in various public toilets I'm glad i took my own personal convenience this year. 8)
Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: Andy Zarse on July 23, 2003, 04:55:02 pm
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Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: Pidgeon on July 23, 2003, 05:43:59 pm
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Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: Andy Zarse on July 23, 2003, 06:15:17 pm
Pidge,
You'll probably never see it but if anyone is on the A27 Chichester bypass, look out for a company called Beaver Tool Hire. There is an advert on the side of the building which you can see from the road. It says something like -
"Trim your bush with a chopper from Beaver Tool Hire"
Well it amused me the other day when I was stuck in the traffic.
You'll probably never see it but if anyone is on the A27 Chichester bypass, look out for a company called Beaver Tool Hire. There is an advert on the side of the building which you can see from the road. It says something like -
"Trim your bush with a chopper from Beaver Tool Hire"
Well it amused me the other day when I was stuck in the traffic.
Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: Andy Zarse on July 24, 2003, 02:02:39 pm
"Trim your bush with a chopper from Beaver Tool Hire"
I think I've remembered what the sign says.
"Cut your bush with a Beaver Trimmer"
Title: Re:What a pile of w*nk!
Post by: Canada Phil on July 25, 2003, 05:55:10 am
I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner ::)
Canada Phil
Canada Phil
