Club Arnage

Got this in my e-mail today, hope you like it (with apologies to our friends from Liverpool ;))

The Ferrari F1 Team fired their entire pit crew yesterday. The announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British governments
'Work for the Dole ' scheme and employ scousers. The decision to hire them
was brought on by a recent documentary on how unemployed Liverpool youths
were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew can only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech gear.

This was thought to be an excellent, yet bold move, by Ferrari Management. As most races are won and lost in the pits, Ferrari would have an advantage over every team.

However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for at the crew's first
practice session, not only were the Scousers Pit Crew able to change the tyres in under 6 seconds but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, rebadged and sold the vehicle over to the MacLaren Team for 4 bottles of Stella, a gram of speed and a quick shifty at Coulthard's bird in the shower.

Can they do the same with Subaru Imprezza's????

This was taken and revamped from our local internet  newspaper, The Geordie Citizen and originally featured out local riff raff and not those thick liverpool people ( which will no doubt please Brian, Ian and Chris). The original can be viewed here. (http://www.citizennews.co.uk/default.php?itemID=1101)

Apologies if this has previously been nicked.

Stu

Love you to SHOWERMAN!!!!!!!

Liverpool young people seems to be mechanic genius...

... they not only are able to change tyres so fast but also shows ability in setting up shower system and attract ginger girls in their place !!!

I'm packing right now and move to Liverpool !!!!!!!

 ;D

we have the oldest chinese community here in Liverpool but I don't think we have a large recognised French community. Gilles your welcome to start one
           Regards

                 Ianb

Not to mention, The City of Culture 2008, ( that should piss Stu off good style.) as we nicked that from Newcastle also. It was gone before they noticed it missing, the thicko's had even hired a plane with a banner declaring Newcastle as the winner's and had to send it down to Liverpool to fly over our city, good job it did not land or we would have had the wheels off that also.
Luv ya really Stu.
Thick sliced.
Brian.

before to establish a french community in Liverpool I want to know a little more about Liverpool Girls... Do they look like all British Girls ?? Is a crosscultural mixture conceivable ??  ???

Not sure if the cross cultural mix is conceivable but certainly something would be conceived. I guess it depends if you like girls who wear track suits and walk around the streets smoking, with a couple of babies in a pushchair. Usually, one baby is black, the other white). Mind you a lot of them have French names like Chantelle and Chardonnay.

PS

Q. Why don't Sussex girls go to orgies?

A. It would take too long to write the thank you letters.

Andy, you missed one Brittany.

Gilles,
Ians idea of a cross-cultural mixture is a Baileys, Brandy and Scotch, washed down with a Kronenbourg.
And who am I to disagree?
H

Kronenbourg ?? What an awful idea !!!! It's one of the worst beer in the world !!!! The best way to get ill !!!!

You Englander have no better beer to mix ??

could this change the whole of motorsports pit crews....
regardless of the event, F1, Rally, touring car etc... the pit crews will be all liverpudlians male and female all family related change any componant in record time, apprentices will be in their prams and fully qualified by age 5.
world motorsport may evolve due to the skills of the french/liverpuds.
oh golly gosh what a thought!!

I here for the city of culture there bringing in turnstile free events.
Apparently you just leave the money in your pocket and a tracksuited scouser will take it without you even knowing.
 ;) ;)

Rhino, not all Scouser's wear trac suits. You do see the odd one in suit shirt and tie, normally they are known by the word. The accussed.
Keep your hand on your wallet.
Brian.

How many more before I get my fourth car?

10 more as you stand at the moment Brian. (240)

I'm waiting to see if I get a fifth at 400??

Brian,

Was that you I saw on the telly at Silverstone this afternoon, running down the Hangar straight pissed, dressed up as a leprachaun?

If not, which CAer was it??

Andy Z, me old mucker, I think it may have been Smokie, thought I could just make out on one of his placards. A.C.O be warned if I don't get 300 camping passes for MB, next year this is what you can expect.
I may have been mistaken though.
How's the Commer? fit and well I hope.
Take care.
Brian.

Hi Bri,

I couldn't make out the writing myself as I had lost my contact lenses! And I was with Chris (see Pile of W*nk thread) who is virtually blind.

The Commer is currently dead (or just resting) awaiting a new fan belt when I get time.

See ya round mate!

For fan belt fast repair, we recommend to use the panties of your wife... is it just a French idea to repair like that ?

Probably you gonna have to take it to Liverpool to be repaired...  ;)

My wifes bloomers are far too big for repairing a small commercial vehicle. But they were in great demand during the recent Iraqi conflict for replacing worn out fan belts on Challenger tanks.

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Andy good to hear this, but tell me are those black things between her knees( not the two kids, before you all start) anti chaff pads.
Brian.
Yippee near my forth car.

Is it really how all british girls are dressed up ? I understand your annual pilgrimage.

You need to be black to shag a barbie-lookalike Liverpoolian Girl ?

1. Sort of, some of them are good lookers but struggle in the sartorial elegance stakes. Sometimes I wonder who first suggested that leggins make your thighs look small.

2. It's a bit more subtle than that.

Could you tell me a little more ?

And I'm also asking the Liverpool boys of course (out of subject thanks for the 2003 tape, my English sounds more understandable on VCR than in reality !!!)

Gilles, your voice was dubbed to make you understandable, we hired big H to do the voice over one morning we were lucky that he was sober or you would not have been so clear.

Looking at the results of the past pregnancies(the two little ones) and her present condition and considering her age...... the pads are there to utilize the most inexpensive form of birth control. Just before you succumb to the temptation of sexual pleasures, you place a coin or a monetory note between your knees. If it falls out at any time during your sexual activities ...... POP GOES THE WEASEL.