Club Arnage

Disaster in Barnsley
An Appeal for Your Help



A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of Tuesday morning. Epicentre: Close to Barnsley, England.

News of the disaster was swiftly carried abroad by the town's 35,000 racing pigeons, as victims were seen wandering around aimlessly.

The earthquake decimated the town, causing £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearic Isles and the Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historical burnt out cars were disturbed.

Many locals were woken up well before their Giro arrived. Radio Barnsley reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Barnsley.

One resident, 15 year old mother of 3, Tracy Sharon Braithwaite said: "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Madonna came running into my bedroom crying. The twins, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy the next morning".

Locals were determined not to be bowed, as looting, muggings and car crime carried on as normal.

So far, whilst the British Red Cross has managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to relieve the suffering of stricken locals, rescue workers searching through the rubble have found large quantities of personal belongings including, benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos, and bone china from Pound-stretcher.


Can You Help....?
Please respond generously to our appeal for food and clothing
for the victims of this disaster.

Clothing is needed most of all, especially:

·   Fila or Burberry baseball caps

·   Kappa tracksuit tops (his or hers)

·   Shell suits (female)

·   White sports socks

·   Rock-Fort boots or any other product sold in Primark

Culturally sensitive food parcels are harder to put together, but your efforts will make a difference.
Microwave meals, tinned baked beans, ice-cream and cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew are ideal.

Please do not give anything that requires peeling.

Remember:

·   22p buys a biro for filling in compensation claims

·   £2 buys chips, crisps and a blue fizzy drink for a family of 9

·   £5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm a child's nerves

Urgently required: Tinned whippet food. Bones for Jack Russells

Please do not send tents for shelter.
The sight of such posh housing will cause discontent in the surrounding South Yorkshire communities.

That's so funny, I don't know what...... So hilarious, in fact, that I'm stunned that I've never seen it 50 times before over the last 10 years. This clearly deserves a thread all of it's own. I think I'll send it to every one of my friends without delay!

Hehe - just in case you aren't up to date with the news Matt, it may not be new, but it *is* topical - there was an 5.2 earthquake last week (wasn't Barnsley though!). I happened to be in a hotel near the epicentre (40 miles?) and went to bed only 45 mins before it started but heard nothing!!

Heavy sleeper then Smokie ! (No pun intended LOL !) I am a 3 hour drive away and it even made my walls shake quite alot and things move about on my computer desk. First thought was "Thats not normal !"

5.2 at 12kms?  We get them deeper and harder at home.   ;)

Dx

I can't help feeling that an old joke warmed up and re-hashed from last year's tornado in Birmingham should, with the greatest respect, be in the Jokes thread.

This is a LM forum FFS! Mods please do your job!

The Damage was indeed extensive, one poor chap had his restored Hillman Avenger crushed by a wall which fell on it.
 However the bright side is that it  is now worth more as scrap than it ever was before.

hopefully Pakistan have started up a disaster fund like we do for them
PM

Very, very funny Lefty. Myself and the barrel of monkeys (all Barnsley born and bred- and proud of it! ) will be popping over to your tent come june to congratulate you on your wit and thank you personally for your contribution to the recovery fund.

Dr S,  You and your team will be most welcome to partake in Y Ddraig Gogh's acyivities.

Cheers Leftie. Make sure you've got plenty of White Lightening in. Keep an eye out for us, we'll be wearing fake CA T-shirts and addidas trackies. Got any tabs? 

Liverpool, now Chelsea- who will take on the mighty reds next?? Not laughing now eh????

 ;D

Perhaps we have to divert the fund to Chelsea!!!

I'm prepared to bet a packet of snide Barnsley Bensons that they go no further!! you've had your pay days, the team will think they can win now instead of having nothing to lose. ;) ;) Think Pompey will do it.

I have no doubt you are right. Barnsley folk should be used to a disapointing anti-climax by now, but all that blue fizzy pop affects the memory. Its 1912 all over again down there no doubt.

Play up Pompey  ;D

I had a great weekend:-

Chelsea lost......Big congratlustions to the Barnsley lads.

http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa64/jjkt15/logo1.gif (http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa64/jjkt15/logo1.gif)

We beat Man U.... ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

And Wales beat Ireland.

http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa64/jjkt15/thirstydragon.jpg (http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa64/jjkt15/thirstydragon.jpg)

All we need to do now is slaughter the frenchies at Cardiff. For them to retain the title, they have to beat us by 20 points!!!

Congratulations to the Scottish as well.