Title: Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: Ruptured Duck Motorsport on June 23, 2003, 07:24:15 pm
Who has the ugliest wife?
Two guys sitting in a bar arguing about who's wife is uglier. After
two hours back and forth arguing one says lets go to my house and I
will show you an ugly wife. So they went to his house and saw his wife
and the other guy says ya she's real ugly but now we got to go to my
house and see my wife. They pulled into the back of the house and
walked up the stairs into the kitchen and he moved a rug and under the
rug was a trap door. He stomped on the trap door with his foot and
then opened it and yelled honey I'm home and she yelled back do you
want me to put the bag on? and he said NO I don't want to f*ck you I
just want to show you to someone.
Two guys sitting in a bar arguing about who's wife is uglier. After
two hours back and forth arguing one says lets go to my house and I
will show you an ugly wife. So they went to his house and saw his wife
and the other guy says ya she's real ugly but now we got to go to my
house and see my wife. They pulled into the back of the house and
walked up the stairs into the kitchen and he moved a rug and under the
rug was a trap door. He stomped on the trap door with his foot and
then opened it and yelled honey I'm home and she yelled back do you
want me to put the bag on? and he said NO I don't want to f*ck you I
just want to show you to someone.
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: powermite on June 23, 2003, 09:43:43 pm
Les Dawson Lives!!!!!!!!!!!!
PM
PM
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: Mark 2006 Lemons Gang on June 25, 2003, 07:35:32 pm
Man: Doctor I need some more sleeping pils for the wife.
Doctor: Why ?
Man: She's woken up.
Mark
TTATL Gang
Doctor: Why ?
Man: She's woken up.
Mark
TTATL Gang
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: fugitive4000 on June 26, 2003, 12:18:49 am
My wife is so ugly that when I asked her what she wanted for her birthday she said "something to go in my bath" - so I got her a toaster.
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: SteveB on June 26, 2003, 01:06:24 am
A man and his wife go to the site of their honeymoon for their 25th anniversary. As the couple is reflecting on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asks the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”
The husband replies, “All I wanted to do was f**k your brains out and suck your tits dry.”
“What are you thinking now?” the wife asks as she undresses.
The husband quickly replies: “It looks like I did a pretty good job.”
The husband replies, “All I wanted to do was f**k your brains out and suck your tits dry.”
“What are you thinking now?” the wife asks as she undresses.
The husband quickly replies: “It looks like I did a pretty good job.”
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: Stu on June 26, 2003, 09:58:13 am
My wifes that ugly she must have been conceived on a day trip to Sellafield. She went to bed last night for her beauty sleep and set her alarm clock for November. When we got married it was a fairy tale wedding...... Grimm.
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: Mark 2006 Lemons Gang on June 26, 2003, 07:04:53 pm
I haven't talked to my wife for 3 months.
It's not that we've had a row.
It's just rude to interrupt.
Mark
TTATLG
It's not that we've had a row.
It's just rude to interrupt.
Mark
TTATLG
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: Russ on June 27, 2003, 11:07:28 am
My wife likes to talk when I'm banging away from behind... but it's not easy to hold a phone as well.
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: Ruptured Duck Motorsport on June 27, 2003, 11:39:29 am
Q. How do you make the wife cry during sex?
A. Phone her.
A. Phone her.
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: Russ on June 27, 2003, 11:59:22 am
Q. How do you make your woman scream during sex
A. Wipe your dick on the curtains.
Q. How do you make your wife buck like a horse during sex?
A. Slap her arse and tell her her sister is better.
A. Wipe your dick on the curtains.
Q. How do you make your wife buck like a horse during sex?
A. Slap her arse and tell her her sister is better.
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: Mr. Rick on June 27, 2003, 01:09:28 pm
Q. How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A. None, it should be open when given to him!
Q. What have you done wrong if your wife comes into the lounge to nag you?
A. Made the chain too long!
A. None, it should be open when given to him!
Q. What have you done wrong if your wife comes into the lounge to nag you?
A. Made the chain too long!
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: Russ on June 27, 2003, 01:39:02 pm
Why did the woman cross the road?
Sod the road.. what the f*ck is she doing out of the kitchen!!??
Sod the road.. what the f*ck is she doing out of the kitchen!!??
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: Stu on June 27, 2003, 01:51:54 pm
What you call a women who washes the dishes with one hand, makes the tea with the other, does the laundry with one foot and vacuums with the other foot.
A Swiss Army wife.
Their getting worse now.
Wife to husband: There's 3 flies in here
Hubby yes 2 are male and ones female.
How do you know that says the wife.
well 2 are on the can of beer and ones on the phone..
And the old chestnut:-
2 married women go out for a night on the town and get wasted.
On the way home one says,'I'm dying for a wee' the other says so am I, I'm bursting. I won't make it home, Lets go in that Graveyard. So of they go and do the business behind the grave stones. Hell says one, I havn't got any thing to clean myself with, I'll just have to use my knickers and throw them away. I'm not using mine says the other, they cost me £40, I'll use this bunch of flowers. So they clean themselves and go home.
Next morning hubbys are talking. Thats the last time I let her go to town. Last night she came home with no Knickers on. Thats fuuk all said the other. Mine had a card stuck up her arse that said, 'We'll never forget you'
Thats it Goodnight.
A Swiss Army wife.
Their getting worse now.
Wife to husband: There's 3 flies in here
Hubby yes 2 are male and ones female.
How do you know that says the wife.
well 2 are on the can of beer and ones on the phone..
And the old chestnut:-
2 married women go out for a night on the town and get wasted.
On the way home one says,'I'm dying for a wee' the other says so am I, I'm bursting. I won't make it home, Lets go in that Graveyard. So of they go and do the business behind the grave stones. Hell says one, I havn't got any thing to clean myself with, I'll just have to use my knickers and throw them away. I'm not using mine says the other, they cost me £40, I'll use this bunch of flowers. So they clean themselves and go home.
Next morning hubbys are talking. Thats the last time I let her go to town. Last night she came home with no Knickers on. Thats fuuk all said the other. Mine had a card stuck up her arse that said, 'We'll never forget you'
Thats it Goodnight.
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: Russ on June 27, 2003, 02:08:15 pm
How do you make a woman cum?
...Who cares!!
...Who cares!!
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: Mr. Rick on June 27, 2003, 02:22:34 pm
Why do women fake orgasm ..... because they think men care!
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: Russ on June 27, 2003, 02:42:39 pm
Butterface (n). A woman with a great figure, but the face of a darts players' wife. From the phrase "A good body, but her face...".
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: jpchenet on June 27, 2003, 03:00:04 pm
Why do women get married in white??
To match the rest of the kitchen appliances!!
To match the rest of the kitchen appliances!!
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: Russ on June 27, 2003, 03:22:27 pm
What do you call a woman who can suck a golf ball through a 50ft hose pipe?
Darling.
Darling.
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: jpchenet on June 27, 2003, 06:01:44 pm
When I take the wife out, I always refer to her lovingly as "My Treasure" as most people ask me "God, where did you dig her up from??"
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: Russ on June 27, 2003, 06:19:58 pm
How do you turn a fox into a dog?
Marry her.
Marry her.
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: Mr. Rick on June 27, 2003, 06:21:06 pm
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey,
you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving
that you are blind - that you should know five things:
1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 120 kg blonde woman with a black belt in
karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional
weightlifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional
wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that
joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,
"Nah . . . Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey,
you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving
that you are blind - that you should know five things:
1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 120 kg blonde woman with a black belt in
karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional
weightlifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional
wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that
joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,
"Nah . . . Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: Russ on June 27, 2003, 06:31:09 pm
Blonde walks into an electrical shop. She walks over to pick up a small TV, takes it to the counter and says to the chap "how much for the telly?"
The chap says "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes"
Utterly shocked, she leaves it on the counter and walks out. Desperate not to be out done, she goes home and dies her hair completely black.
The next day she walks into the same shop, picks up her TV and takes it to the counter. "how much for the telly?" she says.
The chap says "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes"
Outraged she shouts "But I've got black hair!!!"
The chap replies... "Yes, but that there is a microwave"
The chap says "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes"
Utterly shocked, she leaves it on the counter and walks out. Desperate not to be out done, she goes home and dies her hair completely black.
The next day she walks into the same shop, picks up her TV and takes it to the counter. "how much for the telly?" she says.
The chap says "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes"
Outraged she shouts "But I've got black hair!!!"
The chap replies... "Yes, but that there is a microwave"
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: SteveB on June 27, 2003, 11:18:48 pm
Just some to be getting on with !
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: What does a door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: What does a door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: Gilles on June 28, 2003, 10:40:10 pm
Man: Doctor I need some more sleeping pils for the wife.
Doctor: Why ?
Man: She's woken up.
Mark
TTATL Gang
Doctor: Why ?
Man: She's woken up.
Mark
TTATL Gang
Mark,
if yoy are fed up with yours, can I have her phone number ??
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: Ruptured Duck Motorsport on June 29, 2003, 09:32:06 am
You hear about the chap who f**k a Princess? He burnt his pecker on the exhaust pipe....
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: Russ on July 02, 2003, 11:03:47 am
What do you do if a Bird craps on your car...
Ditch her!
Ditch her!
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: Peter on July 02, 2003, 11:31:51 pm
In oppostion to all these (very funny) jokes a feminist one! (sometimes I like to contact my softer side!)
3 women discussing their love lives.
First one says "My sex life is like a Ferrari, thrusting, urgent and powerful"
Second one says "Mine is like a Rolls Royce, smooth, spohisticated and deceptively fast"
Third says "mine's like a ride on lawn mower, I have to start it by hand and jump on quick before it stops"
Oh well, please yourselves....
3 women discussing their love lives.
First one says "My sex life is like a Ferrari, thrusting, urgent and powerful"
Second one says "Mine is like a Rolls Royce, smooth, spohisticated and deceptively fast"
Third says "mine's like a ride on lawn mower, I have to start it by hand and jump on quick before it stops"
Oh well, please yourselves....
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: Kpy on July 03, 2003, 12:58:00 am
Man: Doctor I need some more sleeping pils for the wife.
Doctor: Why ?
Man: She's woken up.
Mark
TTATL Gang
Doctor: Why ?
Man: She's woken up.
Mark
TTATL Gang
Mark,
if yoy are fed up with yours, can I have her phone number ??
Gilles - perhaps you should first bring Mark's joke to his wife's attention, and then ask HER the same question!
See you all under the same tree, same Friday, next June?
;) ;)
Title: Re:Who has the ugliest wife
Post by: Mr. Rick on July 03, 2003, 09:49:56 am
Gilles - perhaps you should first bring Mark's joke to his wife's attention, and then ask HER the same question!
If she's woken up again yet! ;D
