Club Arnage

Little daughter is now at Birmingham Uni. She had tickets to see Ross Noble at the Hexagon Reading tonight (I was jealous!) so she got the train down, and I've just returned from taking her back.

Well I've been enjoying immensely the 3.2 Vectra which recently replaced the Omega, and I was trying for a record time for the round trip - which was going pretty well, I have to say.

So I'm haring down the A34 towards the M4, just coming up behind a lorry, and there is this goat-like creature standing right across the outside lane, looking at me. Suffice to say, I doubt he'll ever be looking at much else - I hit him pretty damn hard (90+mph)

I pulled over into a dark layby and damage didn't seem too bad - loose bumper, power steering fluid all gone, missing foglight etc - and did the rest of the journey at a more sedate 70 mph (still managing 3h 40m for a trip from home, to Reading centre, to Birmingham centre and back)

Just had a look at the car in the limited light outside my house - what a mess! Bits of fur stuck in crevices, wires and pipes hanging down underneath, and bent plastic and metal.

I suppose I really should count myself lucky in a number of ways - still here, damage not that serious and fully insured, airbag didn't go off - but why oh why do stupid animals just watch a pair of lights approaching them at speed instead of moving out of the way??

Hi Smokie,
                Count your self lucky to have survived.
 In Canada ... the deer you take home while the tow truck takes the car to be repaired. Moose they take both the car and the driver to the morgue.

Canada Phil

wtf? perhaps it was a unicorn Smokie... ;D were you drinking?

Damn, sorry to hear about that, Smokie. However, you should count yourself lucky that nothing worse happened and you still managed to get home.

Umm .... isn't the national speed limit still 70 mph?  :police:

Since Smokie is unharmed, my sympathies are with the goat like creature and its family.    :'(

That sucks, especially in a shiny new car.  When it's unavoidable, I suppose it takes some of the guilt out of it.  Glad you're alright.

I hit an extraordinarily large Raccoon at about 75mph in my Golf last year, resulting in $1,800 worth of damage and a week in the shop.  It left the scene on a flatbed trailer.  The Raccoon did not.  ;D

did it look this BRFORE you killed the poor wee beastie

I hope the beast is now in your freezer.




Ingredients

two venison haunch steaks
1 leek
Butter
Oil
Notes

Pan Fry, grill, or barbeque Venison Steak with leek julienne


Preparation Time: 0 Hours & 10 Mins


Cooking Time: 0 Hours & 15 Mins


Cut a leek lengthways into thin strips, wash and pat dry.

Pan fry half the leek in equal amounts of butter and oil until brown and crispy. drain on kitchen paper.

Take the other half of our leek and cook with butter in a saucepan with the lid on till soft.

Pan Fry, grill, or barbeque two venison haunch steaks to your preferred state of cookedness.

We recommend rare to medium rare as the lack of fat in venison means it toughens if you overcook it.

Let the meat rest for five minutes before carving slivers off the steak.

Serving Suggestion

Place the slivers of venison on the green leeks and then sprinkle the crispy leeks on top.
 

Muntjacs are vermin - listen to The Archers!

Glad to hear all is well Smokes, hopefully all your parts are still functioning.

Bad Luck Smokie, when I was 18 I hit a Goat in my Mk1 Cortina, he suddenly appeared out of St Pauls Church gate, I think it was actually a Devil incarnate that was been driven out of the Hallowed ground. Neither Goat or Vehicle survived, I had to sue the Vicar for the damage to my car - Claim for Vehicle repairs = £198, Counter claim (from Vicar) value of Goat £40, loss of Goats milk, 2 pints /day for x days at x value = £192. Needless to say it was quite an amusing court session and I got paid

We were at The Hexagon last night to see Ross Noble, your daughter didn’t have a flashing Tiara on did she?
He was very good in the first half, totally random lines, very funny, we though the woman with the exploding virgina and the Bum faced child lines went on a bit in the second half though.

 

 8) 8) Not by the time I picked her up... wouldn't fit with the Goth image...

Sorry to hear that Smokie, but glad that you are OK.

My neighbor hit a wild boar whilst driving home through France a few years ago. His car (A Merc 450) was totalled, he escaped OK, but his wife was in hospital for several weeks.

He still refuses to eat Pork  ;D

I would make a point of eating it, then atleast there would be less of the blighters in this world!

Whilst I am of the same opinion as yourself, if you had seen the mess which was left by that pig, and the mess his wife was in, I can fully understand his unwillingness to consume said beasties.

One of the nastiest to hit is a porcupine, hit the critters at speed and the quills can go through metal. Happened to a friend of my brothers.

Glad to hear that you're OK Mr Smokes. Cars repair better than humans. Years ago when I worked for our local electirc board, my foreman hit a deer in the works van. No one around so straight in the back. Back at the work shop it was hung up in the equipment cage with a dustbin underneath. On gutting it, the insides fell out, missed the bin and landed on the floor. The workshop stank for weeks.
On another note,  Ross Noble, come on Smokie, he's about as funny as hot welding rods down my japs eye.

Smokie, I'm glad your OK. 

Hitting anything at speed is nasty. 

My tip is if you hit a Skunk Drive on.

Belive you me, you can smell 'em for miles.

t.

A .243 bullet makes less meat damage. I hit a Roe on the A9 a few years back what a f--king mess that was. I am glad you are OK.

Sorry to hear about your new car Smokie but what on earth is a "goat-like creature"? Surely it's either a goat or it isn't? Maybe you're covering up the fact that it was an innocent victim of devil worship dressed up as a goat having escaped the ritual human sacrifice and trying to flag down a motorist  to get help. I know it all sounds a bit Dennis Wheatley but you never know in that part of Oxfordshire.

Anyway, having comprehensively f**cked a goat, I think you're entiltled to wear this fetching number. Smokie the GILF Hunter!!

(http://www.foulmouthshirts.com/T_SHIRT_D/PW/images/gilf.jpg)

The bill for the deer is currently running a little over £2500. The power steering pump (is that what I mean?) was MISSING - no wonder it wasn't working...! £500 for replacement.

Car should be back with me by Wed. Currently running round in a brand new Focus 2.0 which is actually a surprisingly good car.

... and you'll wonder why when your insurance premium goes up next year  ::)

I recommend your buy this - £19.95

http://shop.countrysmallholding.com/cmlsh/product.asp?pf_id=1%2086126%20824%206

(http://shop.countrysmallholding.com/cmlsh/assets/product_images/goathealthandwelfare.gif)