Club Arnage

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:
Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house
4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times
before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-paned) doesn't stop a baseball hit
by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already
too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old
Boy.

11.) Playdough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still
can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCRs do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials
show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably do NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not
like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with
or without kids.

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake
fluid.


Clorox is bleach. I'm off to TESCOs

Number 8 could come in handy next June  :laugh:

Great list.

Re no 2: What are dust bunnies?
And does anyone have any rollerblades I can borrow?

Dust Bunny. There you go, we have both learned something today

http://www.pibweb.com/bunny.html

I can vouch for no 23, but they don't have  to be dizzy

Now I know what to do with old brake fluid

What's Clorox?
Can you buy it in UK? :)

Bleach.

There is a possibility that the smoke will be vaguely chloriney. Keep upwind.

Yes, I wouldn't mind betting it gives off something like mustard gas. Have you ever seen the old footage from the first world war with those poor soldiers with bandaged eyes and their hands on the shoulder of the man in front. Be careful, but maybe you could try the smoke out on the dizzy cat from No 23 in some sort of vivisection experiment?

Andy I cant help but think your  mother knows most of this first hand. ;D

Dont Let Tom see No11 or No 8 for that matter - it would be too tempting.
(good to see you at lunch time Tom, thanks for the Beer (he fell for the opps I've got no cash routine  8) )

Just tried it. Doesn't seem to work :-\

I already did.   ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Good to see you too Ian.  I just shows it's good to have the CA Sticker.  ;)

t.

Dad,  wheres the brake fluid...???   :angel:

To be honest, I think I'll give the "smoking liquids "thing a miss.
You see, I live near some woods, around the High Wycombe area.
Probably not the best thing to be doing at the moment.

www.clorox.com

There might be the same product with a different name, the logo might be the key.

Really Nobby? Personally I can see a hilarious jape that could be played on the authorities. I wonder what their sense of humour's like at the moment?

I guess it could be like the knob-head who told the airport check-in staff that he was carrying a live bomb in his hand luggage.  They certainly saw the joke, arrested him on the spot, throw him in gaol for the night and needed to buy a new return ticket to blighty as the airline refused to carry him back. ;)

Nobby, give it a go and you can tell us about what's it like in the slammer, with a bit of luck you could be out for LM 2008 :police:

Ummm, no thanks.

at present, there are about 60 rozzers, less than a mile from my house.
Fully kitted with diggers, dumper trucks, fancy imaging equipment etc. They are digging night and day.

last report was that they had picked up nitro in bottles (last Friday) and a brief case with approx £15k in notes in it.

I don't htink they would see the joke at present.

Got them over my way too Nigel. They change shifts at 8pm and they need 9 minibuses to ship them all in and out.

One good thing about it is that it's keeping the kids on motorbikes and the fly tippers out of the woods

Very true Bob. But now I've got nowhere to throw my hedge clippings!

Nitro?  I wouldn't like to go looking for that with a spade.

Quite, I think that's why they are using this imaging equipment.

By all acounts, it gave the 2 school kids who found it, quite a scare.

  now who would own up if they found a case with £15k in it?

I would if it had 60K in it ;)