Club Arnage

Brothers and sisters,
I mentioned earlier that I'd had enough of Islam, and after a brief dalliance with atheism (despite Stu's concerns), I can now say that I have indeed Seen The Light.

Christianity truly is a wonderful thing, and although we must surely all have friends in cheeses, you're missing true fulfilment if you're not warming the pews with the vicar on a Sunday morning. The Lord actually said this, I'm not kidding, this Christianity is a marvellous thing and I'm beginning to suspect that either he, or the maniac who wrote the Bible was also an endurance racing fan. I've not got to the end yet (it doesn't half go on a bit in parts), but already I can see a career in the church, or maybe Argos looming up. Just get a load of this children:

"And in hell he lift his eyes, being in torments...and he cried and said...have mercy on me...dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame. The smoke of their torment ascendeth forever and ever; and they have no rest day or night."Luke 16:23,24; Revelation 14:11.

If this is not Brian from the Liverpool Boys on Friday night after drinking barbeque lighting fluid (while alight) and collapsing in the paddling pool, I'll eat my hat, and maybe even the bishops mitre. There's even a reference to the Morgan pit crew for chrissakes!

Now, you can talk your talk of the overthrowing of Sodom, and Gomorrah, Admah, and Zeboim, which the LORD overthrew in his anger, and in his wrath, but you'd be missing the point.

"The same shall drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out without mixture into the cup of his indignation; and he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels, and in the presence of the Lamb; And the smoke of their torment ascendeth forever and ever; and they have no rest day or night." Revelation 14:10,11.

Now come on!! Lamb kebabs burning on the campfire, no rest day or night, pissed up Jimmy's pyre of tyres burning on the other side of the track (personally I think that the wrinkled old retainer who translated this got it all wrong, tyre and bridgestone would make much more sense). Clearly, an audience with the pope is not far off for the Morgan boys either...

Remain as disbelievers and pagans if you wish, but the wicked will not receive eternal life or eternal punishment, you will die, die I tell you, which means to perish! perish in eternal Carnation! Throw scorn on this brothers:

... Hath he not sent me to the men that sit upon the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?
- Isaiah 36:12

I have pictures of this!! Pictures! Dicko and Savaloy by the Ford chicane! For it was written, and behold! it was so!

I don't want the Lord our God to get really p*ssed off with this fine website, but there's a couple more that are just waiting to be beheld, if you ask me:

Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanliness, lasciviousness.
- Galatians 5:19
"and lusted after her paramours there, whose members were like those of donkeys, and whose emission was like that of stallions." (Ezekiel 23: 21, NRSV)
Little children, it is the last time: and as ye have heard that antichrist shall come, even now there are many antichrists; whereby we know that it is the last time.
- 1 John 2:18  

If that's not the Brethrens party on Friday, then I'm a Dutchman.

In closing, I have to admit, there's a couple of bits (well, actually a hell of a lot, but I'm not really worthy of true enlightenment yet) that I'm having trouble getting my newly tonsured head around..

"You shall not round off the side-growth of your heads, nor harm the edges of your beard. You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead, nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the LORD. "
- Leviticus 19:27-28

On the face of it, Leviticus seems to have been a complete f*cking head case, most of his stuff's like this, but I'm working on it.

Praise the Lord and Mary Lou!!

Rev. H

Bloody hell H, have you been at the parsnip brandy again.

I'm glad to see you've got religion.  No doubt you'll be turning wine into water and expelling the Sodomites very soon.

Praise be Reverend H,
I look forward to the evangelical sermons for the converted at the champagne bar next year.
Do you intented to take baptisms, 'cause we are ready to join your flock.
Rusty

Jesus H God Dancin' Christ on a Bike!

I'm shocked to the quick and terrified.

Remember,

"The Lord My God is an angry and vengeful God."  :D

I think he'll be quite cross with you H if he reads this, as I did, as being a somewhat light hearted interpretation of the Good Book.

Still if the Good Lord hadn't meant us to have a laugh then he wouldn't have given you your wry sense of humour. I'm ntrigued though why you failed to mention Onan, in the context of my friend Chris? What better biblical signifier do you want?

Oh dear H!  I fear that thy days in this mortal existance may be numbered.  Fire and Brimstone might be thy reward, or then again it could be just another week at lemons.  ;)

And The LORD Spake!!

"Jeez, Onan, put your tool away and log off now for chrissakes"

But it was too late for Onan, for God is sometime fickle and smote him down, laying his vengeance upon him. And St Nick blessed him with a touch of his Red Right Hand, before attending a hill climb at Shelsey.
H(allelujah).

Ah Gibberish, but you yourself seemed to be a bit lavisiousnessed up when I spoke to you last night, your speech was quite slury.

My dear zarse, it was the end of about a seven hour session, and i was indeed less than holy.  I can only just rember talking to you.  what on earth did you wnat anyway?  I seem to recall that rick & I might have to take some gear for you.

Damned beer!!  Gets me every time  ::)

I hope you're both going to behave yourselves this weekend as I don't want to make you sign the pledge and abstain from all things immoral and unrighteous!

 :o :o Does this mean someone will have to ride on the roof.
There will probably be 4 of us in the car now as my mate Andy (of cobras and PQs is 99% probably coming along)

Sorry Steve.  Got the first beer planned for just after breakfast on the ferry over................. :D

Oh lord, another pissed Brit at Le Mans.  ::)  What is the world coming to?

I was going to have a travelling beer on the M20 (sh*t I'm driving).

I'll keep the camping fridge nice and cold so that we can have some travelling ales.  :P

That could be a bit tight.  I'm working it out at the moment Steve, but it could get tricky.  How much space have you got?  Rick gear is coming to me tomorrow morning, courtesy of one of his mates.

Should be a bit of room in the glove box if I take the gloves out  ;)

(http://www.mgnet.karoo.net/driving%20gloves.gif)

Put the camera in there, Steve. I want to see some photographic evidence of your escapade. You lucky, lucky chaps... have fun and enjoy the weekend.

What!!!! You're not coming  :o

I assumed you'd be first there.
Oh well, see you in August at silverstone.

Thank God it was just drunkeness. Such was the slurring of your words, you sounded a bit like Mr Teesy Weesy and I was concerned that you may have suffered a minor stroke.

Sadly not... will have to work this weekend.   :-\

I think Chris has got an industrial condition called White Finger (caused by continuous vibration), also Canary Fist (cause by Boddingtons) and now Red Right Hand. Never mind Joseph and his Technicolour Coat, it's Chris and his Arthrhitic Rhubarb and Custard wanking spanners.

I don't suffer mild ailments.  This was serious over refreshment.   ;)

Do you need me to collect anything to take over with us on Friday?