Title: Euro Twats?
Post by: Andy Zarse on June 22, 2004, 04:00:54 pm
Has anyone else noticed all players at Euro 2004 seem to have been Twated, like our Wayne? Seen the yellow sticker on his arm?
Title: Re:Euro tw**ts?
Post by: Andy Zarse on June 22, 2004, 04:03:12 pm
Someone's written on Beck's neck too. Although I never noticed any of the footy squad at the poo bar saturday night, i was totally lashed, so who knows, maybe David was there hidden amongst the Twats. He'd certainly blend in well and a big hangover would explain the poor penalty kick against France.
Or has Amy been to Portugal and gotten busy with the marker pen?
Or has Amy been to Portugal and gotten busy with the marker pen?
Title: Re:Euro tw**ts?
Post by: gibberish on June 22, 2004, 04:04:03 pm
Damn TWATS get everywhere ;)
Title: Re:Euro tw**ts?
Post by: bird on June 22, 2004, 04:10:32 pm
we were talking about this during the Swiss game. Buggers. ;D
Title: Re:Euro tw**ts?
Post by: Steve Pyro on June 22, 2004, 04:12:56 pm
Has he got marker pen on his c*ck though?
Or has he used the sandpaper already ;)
.
Or has he used the sandpaper already ;)
.
Title: Re:Euro tw**ts?
Post by: bird on June 22, 2004, 04:17:12 pm
;D
Title: Re:Euro tw**ts?
Post by: Andy Zarse on June 22, 2004, 04:26:06 pm
Has he got marker pen on his c*ck though?
Or has he used the sandpaper already ;)
Or has he used the sandpaper already ;)
Ask his nanny! ;D ;)
Title: Re:Euro tw**ts?
Post by: Nobby Diesel on June 22, 2004, 06:16:49 pm
More of a Rooney thread than a Tw*ts thread, but it made me laugh.
One for all the Liverpool Boys.
One for all the Liverpool Boys.
Title: Re:Euro tw**ts?
Post by: Nobby Diesel on June 22, 2004, 06:17:36 pm
That didn't work!!!
How do you attach pictures ???
How do you attach pictures ???
Title: Re:Euro tw**ts?
Post by: rcutler on June 22, 2004, 06:36:44 pm
Dont preview
or add [im*g] Before the weblink and [/img*] after the link.
WITHOUT THE *** THOUGH
or add [im*g] Before the weblink and [/img*] after the link.
WITHOUT THE *** THOUGH
Title: Re:Euro tw**ts?
Post by: Nobby Diesel on June 22, 2004, 06:39:41 pm
Try this
Title: Re:Euro tw**ts?
Post by: jpchenet on June 22, 2004, 06:40:24 pm
Nice one Nobby ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re:Euro tw**ts?
Post by: Nobby Diesel on June 22, 2004, 06:41:42 pm
On a Heskey tip, there's this one........
Title: Re:Euro tw**ts?
Post by: jpchenet on June 22, 2004, 06:56:46 pm
On the Heskey front, this from Laugh FC.
Take this test to see whether you are indeed Liverpool and England lump Emile Heskey or infact a half-decent player who actually produces the goods that your position requires...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. You are through on goal with only the keeper and a defender left to
beat. The last defender is only 5'3" and seven stone. What happens next?
a) You round him easily and take the keeper on one-to-one, then calmly
chip the ball over his head into the empty net.
b) Take the defender on for speed and skin him, then round the keeper
and walk the ball confidently into the goal.
c) The defender accidentally blows on you as he gets within three
yards...and you fall over, flat on your great big fat hairy ar5e. Then
it's both arms up and face pulled in the hope that the referee will give you the most unlikely penalty ever awarded.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
2. Would you describe yourself as a prolific goalscorer?
a) Yes.
b) No, but you have scored more than your fair share in your career.
c) Would you f*ck. If you're a prolific goalscorer then Mandy Smith's a beached whale.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
3. You are walking down the street one day when a bird sh1ts on you
from overhead. How do you react to this?
a) Smile and see the funny side of it.
b) Wipe it off gingerly and look to the skies in disgust.
c) Fall over on the spot as though you've just been snipered through the head with a hunting rifle. Then roll over and demand that the bird be sent off.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
4. How quickly can you run the 100 metres?
a) Very quickly, with a best time of 10.3 seconds.
b) Quite fast, though you can only manage it in just over 11 seconds.
c) "Run"? What the f*ck is that? You mean waddle along like a big fat sack of sh1t on a skateboard....?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
5. During a match, a high ball is crossed to you in the penalty area.
How do you head the ball?
a) With extreme power and accuracy.
b) Quite powerfully and with some degree of accuracy, though heading has never been your strongest point.
c) With your ar5e...because you've been upended again by some three-foot dwarf defender from West Brom.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
6. A long ball is played up to you from defence. It's a fair distance
ahead of you, so what do you do?
a) Get your head down and set off at full pace, reaching it just before it goes out of play for a goal-kick.
b) Try to make it to the ball, because the cause is never lost. It's always worth making the effort.
c) Nothing. Just stand there like a great big fat soft-ar5ed tw*t.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
7. During a match you are involved in a bruising challenge with a
smaller player from the opposition. Which of these is the most likely
outcome?
a) The player bounces off your huge frame and knocks himself out, has to leave the field and is out through injury for several weeks.
b) The opposing player is slightly shaken, though not badly hurt, and from then on he makes sure he doesn't do it again.
c) You are incongruously bounced fifty feet in the air and land in Row Z, where you suffer a broken face, three dislocated teeth, etc.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
8. Your nickname at your former club was "Bruno". Why was this?
a) Because Bruno is such a macho sounding name and goes with your
hulking appearance.
b) Because your aggressive approach reminds you of the old St Bernard
dog off the St Bruno adverts - big, strong, relentless and tough as old
boots.
c) Because of the boxer, Frank Bruno, and the fact that he was useless
tw*t who kept falling flat on his ar5e for no reason as well.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
9. What has been the biggest effect since your transfer to Liverpool?
a) The higher profile and the greater expectations of the fans.
b) Just the fact that you are playing for one of most famous clubs in
history.
c) Earthquakes in the Merseyside area have increased by 3,000% because
of your great big fat ar5e hitting the deck so many times. Much more of it
and they'll be pulling the stands down due to foundation damage.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ANSWERS:
Mainly a: You're not Emile Heskey.
Mainly b: Neither are you.
Mainly c: Well done, you are Emile Heskey and you're f*cking crap.
Take this test to see whether you are indeed Liverpool and England lump Emile Heskey or infact a half-decent player who actually produces the goods that your position requires...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. You are through on goal with only the keeper and a defender left to
beat. The last defender is only 5'3" and seven stone. What happens next?
a) You round him easily and take the keeper on one-to-one, then calmly
chip the ball over his head into the empty net.
b) Take the defender on for speed and skin him, then round the keeper
and walk the ball confidently into the goal.
c) The defender accidentally blows on you as he gets within three
yards...and you fall over, flat on your great big fat hairy ar5e. Then
it's both arms up and face pulled in the hope that the referee will give you the most unlikely penalty ever awarded.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
2. Would you describe yourself as a prolific goalscorer?
a) Yes.
b) No, but you have scored more than your fair share in your career.
c) Would you f*ck. If you're a prolific goalscorer then Mandy Smith's a beached whale.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
3. You are walking down the street one day when a bird sh1ts on you
from overhead. How do you react to this?
a) Smile and see the funny side of it.
b) Wipe it off gingerly and look to the skies in disgust.
c) Fall over on the spot as though you've just been snipered through the head with a hunting rifle. Then roll over and demand that the bird be sent off.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
4. How quickly can you run the 100 metres?
a) Very quickly, with a best time of 10.3 seconds.
b) Quite fast, though you can only manage it in just over 11 seconds.
c) "Run"? What the f*ck is that? You mean waddle along like a big fat sack of sh1t on a skateboard....?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
5. During a match, a high ball is crossed to you in the penalty area.
How do you head the ball?
a) With extreme power and accuracy.
b) Quite powerfully and with some degree of accuracy, though heading has never been your strongest point.
c) With your ar5e...because you've been upended again by some three-foot dwarf defender from West Brom.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
6. A long ball is played up to you from defence. It's a fair distance
ahead of you, so what do you do?
a) Get your head down and set off at full pace, reaching it just before it goes out of play for a goal-kick.
b) Try to make it to the ball, because the cause is never lost. It's always worth making the effort.
c) Nothing. Just stand there like a great big fat soft-ar5ed tw*t.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
7. During a match you are involved in a bruising challenge with a
smaller player from the opposition. Which of these is the most likely
outcome?
a) The player bounces off your huge frame and knocks himself out, has to leave the field and is out through injury for several weeks.
b) The opposing player is slightly shaken, though not badly hurt, and from then on he makes sure he doesn't do it again.
c) You are incongruously bounced fifty feet in the air and land in Row Z, where you suffer a broken face, three dislocated teeth, etc.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
8. Your nickname at your former club was "Bruno". Why was this?
a) Because Bruno is such a macho sounding name and goes with your
hulking appearance.
b) Because your aggressive approach reminds you of the old St Bernard
dog off the St Bruno adverts - big, strong, relentless and tough as old
boots.
c) Because of the boxer, Frank Bruno, and the fact that he was useless
tw*t who kept falling flat on his ar5e for no reason as well.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
9. What has been the biggest effect since your transfer to Liverpool?
a) The higher profile and the greater expectations of the fans.
b) Just the fact that you are playing for one of most famous clubs in
history.
c) Earthquakes in the Merseyside area have increased by 3,000% because
of your great big fat ar5e hitting the deck so many times. Much more of it
and they'll be pulling the stands down due to foundation damage.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ANSWERS:
Mainly a: You're not Emile Heskey.
Mainly b: Neither are you.
Mainly c: Well done, you are Emile Heskey and you're f*cking crap.
Title: Re:Euro tw**ts?
Post by: jpchenet on June 22, 2004, 06:58:10 pm
And an old favourite, reworked to fit today's hero!!
Ronaldo, Luis Figo and Wayne Rooney are standing before God at the throne of Heaven. God looks at them and says; "before granting you a place at my side, I must first ask you what you believe in."
Addressing Ronaldo first he asks, "what do you believe?"
Ronaldo looks God in the eye and states passionately, "I believe Football to be the food of life. Nothing else brings such unbridled joy to so many people from the slums of Rio to the bright lights of Madrid. I have devoted my life to bring such joy to people who stood on the terraces supporting their club."
God looks up and offers Ronaldo the seat to his left.
He then turns to Luis Figo , "and you, Luis , what do you believe?"
Figo stands tall and proud, "I believe courage, honour and passion are the fundamentals to life and I've spent my whole playing career providing a living embodiment of these traits."
God, moved by the passion of the speech offers Figo the seat to his
right.
Finally, he turns to Wayne Rooney , "and you, Wayne , what do you
believe?"
"I believe" says Rooney "you're sitting in my seat."
Ronaldo, Luis Figo and Wayne Rooney are standing before God at the throne of Heaven. God looks at them and says; "before granting you a place at my side, I must first ask you what you believe in."
Addressing Ronaldo first he asks, "what do you believe?"
Ronaldo looks God in the eye and states passionately, "I believe Football to be the food of life. Nothing else brings such unbridled joy to so many people from the slums of Rio to the bright lights of Madrid. I have devoted my life to bring such joy to people who stood on the terraces supporting their club."
God looks up and offers Ronaldo the seat to his left.
He then turns to Luis Figo , "and you, Luis , what do you believe?"
Figo stands tall and proud, "I believe courage, honour and passion are the fundamentals to life and I've spent my whole playing career providing a living embodiment of these traits."
God, moved by the passion of the speech offers Figo the seat to his
right.
Finally, he turns to Wayne Rooney , "and you, Wayne , what do you
believe?"
"I believe" says Rooney "you're sitting in my seat."
