Club Arnage

Hi everyone,

I know - I've left it really late and now we're panciking... But does anyone know of a spare ferry space for one car and three gorgeous girlies... Ideally the Thursday evening crossing from Portsmouth - Caan, returning Sunday eve (yes, I know its the most popular crossing too)...

If anyone can help - it would be much appreciated.  Would take over someone's spare tent pitch too if available - but not essential as I think we can get sorted in Camping Bleu...

Thanks in advance,

Nicola  :-*

Not more girls...that'll be five at LM this year then...

If you can't get Portsmouth then do Dover - Calais. It's only 250 miles of easy drive the other side...much MUCH less atmosphere on the boat but at least you'd get there...and for me the door to door time is actually quicker, due to the fact that they never open the throttle on the ferries on the Portsmouth route

PLEASE STOP!!!!I dont think the Liverpool Boys can take much more of this girl talk.
If we get many more,the wanking sock will become redundant and theres not much work out there for a worn out WS.Just think of his family..Father Stained Pants and Mother Slimy Crutch,how will they survive??Like many retail outlets,they rely on the income from LM weekend to see them through the rest of the year!!

PM

Mrs Dreamracers (better known as HTG on other forums, who may appear here is you chaps are nice) is attending this year - does that make the total 6?

Try Transmanche ferries, Newhaven-Dieppe.  

http://www.day-tripper.net/bestferryfares/zxoftransmanche.html
They still have plenty of places for most crossings.

I object to all this talk about the liverpool boys getting over excited. Please beware I am the young'un they so like to refer to me as!!! and if anyone is going to get excitied it should be me. Thna is of course after I have made the coco and taken their slippers off!!!!.

IF THAT DOESN'T WAKE THEM UP  NOTHING WILL !!!!

Just a warning ig going Transmanche - Newhaven to Dieppe do ensure its running!  Last year it was a new service and its timetable was variable!  Its also worth checking the tide times as well.   Somehow the ferries have a funny habit of grounding at low tide, whether its the channel hasn't been dredged properly, or the ferry is out of channel is anyones guess!

The other thing with Ne-Di seacats is that they're not too good on the rough seas; they don't sail if it's moderately rough or worse (i'm sorry but i don't know what Gale Force rating this is!) but even a slight swell sends the old girl a bumpin' and a crashin'. Me & the fam came back from holiday on that route last summer and it was a tad windy; during the crossing me and about half the other passengers left our lunch behind in their over-used toilets!! On the flip-side however, if it's calm the crossing's a beaut, 2hrs beach to beach and the crossing times were favourable. A bit of a gamble i know, but probably worth it.

I'm afraid, you've got to swim. However, I'd be happy to rub you dry once you reached the other end.

Nothing like the Sea-Cat for speed in good weather, but not so good in poor weather!

The seacat is hoverspeed, the good thing with transmanche is you dont have to pay till the day, and i have tickets!

And one must hope Rhino that you have the good sense to pack a sick bag as well. I'd take your own, a black bin bag should do the trick. You could wear it to keep every other f**k*rs spew off you.

As I may have hinted at previously, we went on a seacat last year, called the Pompey Scummers Express to Cherborg - P&O Motto "Retch for the stars". I may have explained some of the unpleasantness involved and even that I slipped over in vomit in the gents toilet. But I don't think I explained how or why. So if you will indulge me...

On entering said lavvy, I was surprised to see what appeared to be a perfectly good portion of scrambled egg on toast lying in the middle of the floor. On closer inspection, I realised it had not half an hour previously belonged to someone, who had washed it down with (my best guess) a large latte. With two sugars. Anyway, the pitching of the boat had seemingly induced a slight feeling of queeziness upon the owner of the eggs. No doubt to be on the safe side, he had set off to the bogs, just in case.

Now walking about on a boat when suffering from motion sickness is not a clever idea. I reckon a massive wave of nausea struck his guts, and the hapless fool picked up his step in a vain attempt to reach the relative safety of the gents. Clearly, the inevitable had happen a short four paces from the lavvy bowl. A personal disaster for the poor chap and I expect it was splashed all down his trousers and shoes.

Anyway, there it was parked on the floor. I examined it closly wondering what it could possibly be, but recoiled in horror when it became acutely apparent that it was, in it's purest sense, unadulterated sick. It had a bubble in the top which I'm sure winked at me.

I was trying to give it a wide berth, when the boat pitched violently. It was at that moment I trod in an unseen line of what I can only descibe as digestive mucus, no doubt done by somebody who had nothing else left to hew. It had the friction properties of silicone grease. In a movement that Laurel and Hardy would have been proud, I was on my arse in a trice.

Not realising what had happened I glanced down at my left wrist. I was a little disappointed to note that it sitting in the pool of cold sputum. And someone elses to boot. It was all stuck in my watch strap and arm hair. Talk about heave! And the egg-sick was laughing at me I swear! All I can remember thinking was  "I'm ACK never GERKKK going on this GGWWWEEERRRPP fukin' sh*t tub HONK again!" Or words to that effect. And I bloody meant  it, by Huey and Ralph!

Thanks Andy, i meant the Seacat is Hoverspeed, and Transmanche are just normal ferries, weren't to bad last year and realatively quiet, except for the french truckers looking for there next victim.

Thanks Andy, I'm crying with laughter!!!

Have you ever thought of teaming up with Ben Elton to co-write the next Blackadder??

Superb dialogue mate, cheers!! Very descriptive. Too descriptive!

PS - if Bath are not you favoured oval-ballers, who floats the Zarse boat then?

"Retch for the stars" Love it!!!!

Amazing. So descriptive.

I think I'll give up logging on and reading at lunchtime though. These egg mayo sandwiches have suddenly taken on a more sininster appearance. Now they look almost the same as those offered for sale by our friends at Brittany Ferries. Yeuch...