Club Arnage

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Don,t think much of yours,but what are it's mates like?

Wishy

I hope that's not a jar of apple sauce, on the side behind you!! :o :o

You are a VERY sick man Zarse.  I wonder what the lovely little porker thought of it all :-X

Is that you Andy? you look sober, mind you the pig looks stiff, was it just about to be spit roasted

Probably.......if Andy had his way. Don't know who he was going to share her with though!!   :-X

Andy, despite this charming company you don't look too happy.

Andy, what a beaut!!

She's a stunner and no mistake mate. You're a very lucky man.

Those 'come to bed' eyes and that wispish smile playing across her face. (and what about those cute little ears! can't you just picture yourself whispering sweet secrets into them?) Most importantly of all, there's no sign of what Rick delicately refers to as 'the unavailability band'

She does appear to be dead, I'll give you that. But wonders can be worked these days with a 12 volt supply and 100cc of adrenalin.

You'd have to be on your toes if you took her along to a BBQ mind...

H

Yes okay, I 'fess up. I met Charlotte in a local pub, I was drawn in by her eyes and ten nipples. After tempting her with promises of swill, I took her for a spin in the Commer. I parked in a nearby woods saying we could look for acorns, but things went badly wrong when she rebutted my advances. I had no option, I had to do her in, she said she would squeal...

Needless to say, this was the centre piece of my 40th birthday celebrations, hence the drawn look on my face. Also in the back of the Commer is the spit roaster and the jar of apple sauce is standing in the sink, so well spotted Burgundy Beast! Basted in honey, herbs, garlic etc and roast for eight hours, she fed over 100 people, the big fat sow.

The funniest thing was collecting her from a local pub with a mate on a friday evening. We had to carry her through the dining room whilst people were eating. Not wanting to spoil their meals, we put bin bags over the pig. However, with trotters sticking out of the four corners and a dribble of blood trailing behind, the punters were slack jawed. It was a scene very reminisent of the Fawlty Towers Kipper and the Corpse episode. How I kept a straight face...

At £90 for a whole pig, is anyone interested in having a CA BBQ, say in MB?

andy What a waste!!!! all those nipples going spare, Superb idea for spit-roating Miss Piggy
put my name down on the list

Great idea Andy. Does that include hiring the spit roaster??

I might have a need for one in April too for my step-dads 50th.

Where's the pub located??

JP the pub was in Partridge Green, just south of Horsham off the A24. The Snorter was £90 plus £110 for the electrically driven spit roaster, including about a ton of charcoal. Let me know if you want more info. It was reasonably easy to do, although a bit trial and error. The trick was not to get it too hot to begin with and whack it up at the end. And it takes longer than you think.

A mate of mine is a steel fabricator and reckons he could run one up in an afternoon for about £200, so I may just commission one and then rent it out. The economics look quite good. Not sure how we'd get it to LM with all the other clobber in the van tho. BTW any news on your Merc van JP?

Sav, who said the nipples went to waste?!!!

If you can get it to Portsmouth , it can go  iin the rear of our trailer ( its blumming huge ).

Cheers Andy. I'll let you know nearer the time.

Didn't go for the Merc van in the end, took your advice and started looking around for a "vintage" camper. Not come up with anything exciting yet though  :(

Although I nearly ended up with a transit with a chiller unit on the back!!!  I must stop bidding on eBay when I'm p**sed  ;D

Andy.Ireckon it would take the best part of 4 hours to spitroast Miss Piggy.thats a job for Uncle Albert.  when we done one it was found to be easier using wood rather than charcoal. getting the wood shouldn't be a big problem.

4 hours!! Sav, do you like raw pork and the associated stomach complaints, worm infestations etc that go with it? Unless of course you are not talking about "spitroasting Miss Piggy" in the cooking sense. Then 4 hours would seem a little excessive to my mind. I didn't know Albert was still up for that sort of thing. The randy old sod!

Andy I thought 4 hours was plenty, judging by the size of your porker there, it'll need a rota of willing helpers, fuelled by the right stuff of course. Now if you anyone who could rig up the spitroast to be driven by pushbike, we could keep Albert out of trouble all day!!!

How about putting Albert, or any other volunteer, into a big hamsters wheel or some sort of treadmill to drive the porker?

PS Mine took fully eight hours to roast.