Club Arnage

I had my ticket allocation again this year(even though I havent asked for any)
4 Maison Blanche as usual,every year without fail

PM

congratulations!

And just how do you get on such a list?
I know I want to be on it and proberly a lot of others

You have to befriend a French donkey while in Le Mans, visit it every day during your stay, and feed it carrots.

I told you that in strictest confidence Barry

PM

My magic offer also arrived today fron the ACO!
Barry, did you mean befriend a donkey, or "befriend" a donkey? I suppose the list is so exclusive due to the limited supply of (willing) donkeys round those parts.
H

Especially given that this is no ordinary kind of Carrot.....

DO NOT LET BRAD NEAR THE DONKEY... PLease!!

I seem to remember you showing round the photos ;D

Curiously enough a few of us were discussing this sort of thing in the pub the other friday.

Serious question - if you had to with a farm animal, which type and why? My own thoughts on the matter are as follows. I would add these are simply observations and do not construe scientific advice:

Donkey - see previous mental imagery above...

Horse - too massive and smelly. Nice arse, though - for an animal.

Cow - repugnant slathering buggers with awful sh*t-covered boney arses. However they do smell of leather if you like that kind of thing.

Pig - if it was a nice chubby pink one, that could be nice. But they've horrible faces. And that curly tail would put you off a bit.

Chicken - probably a bit small, but that bloke used to shag them in that German "Animal" film. But they'd probably try to peck your knackers - in a bad way.

Sheep - smelly, but soft. Like humping a blanket.



I think for me, sadly, that the answer would have to be the rather obvious sheep.
Obviously this is only if I had to. Like if they were going to kill my mum unless I wandered into a farm and shagged one of the beasts. Not, like, for fun you understand.  ;)

Ducks.
Every time.
H

15 years of  uninterupted ordering and buying of tickets from the ACO.  It was ten years up until a few years ago (4 IIRC) but was then extended.

Jumping on the "Ducks" bandwagon is an easy enough canard, but I can't help thinking you haven't thought this through properly H. It's more difficult to judge than at first glance. For example most animals are born with pubes. All over their bodies. Except ducks. And fish of course, but they're not strictly farm animals, mind you, you do see those so-called "fish farms" about the place, don't you. Also, whilst ducks have breasts they don't have "noticeable knockers", same as a woman might. Cows do. Cows have one great big huge pink knocker with four nipples, unfortunately it's at the wrong end.  >:(  

See! Not so simple a decision is it, paricularly if you're under terrible pressure as your mum's being held chained to a radiator in a cellar wearing an orange boiler suit and threatened with execution by the Animal Sex Liberation Front.

Another masterpiece CA thread - just 10 posts and already completely off-topic - brilliant read  ;D ;D ;D

All this talk of farm animals...........how about a dose of rohypnol in a sheep

www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sleep/sheep/reaction_version5.swf

Ducks are cute, even with my fading vision. But I agree that sometimes it's difficult to spot a real minger, - particularly when they're in the classic Playduck centre-fold postion (head down in the water, arse and flippers waggling skyward in a 'come and get me big boy' way).

For me, it's the noise the really. There's nothing like the sound of a good old mallard stuck in a Meg Ryan loop. It's that mixture of pleasure, panic and volume.

It seems particularly poignant to me, that today of all days, we're talking about shagging farm animals. The Third Reich wouldn't have had it, that's for sure.

H

Although they've got lovely 'come to barn' eyes, I'd avoid Llamas if I were you

You're looking at no. 3

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=syphilis

I have just picked myself off the floor, and racked my addled brains for any forgotten liaisons with donkeys.

The ACO (bless their cotton socks, and anything I have said about you in the past is a grave mistake on my part) have for the first time EVER, sent me the ticket allocation that I requested!!!!!!!!!!  

well, I'm VERY curious if there is already something known on the DfH order!!!

That's fine if you're Bill Oddie or Bernard Matthews, but as we all know, the reality is that when they've got your mum and they're threatening to kill her unless you shag a farm animal, you just don't think that clearly, do you? I mean to say, rather like the duck, you're in somewhat of a flap aren't you.

The truth is, you just drive down to a farm, jump out and grab the first farm-ish animal you can lay your hands on, and for arguements sake, let us say it's a cow. And of course, as you know, there is a disparity between cow-fanny-level and gentleman's ahem-level.The fanny is about there. <gestures approx height of cow-fanny> So you look around for a milking stool, only it's not the 17th century anymore, so there isn't one.

Then you remember your mum and realise you're wasting time. You pull out your donger and take a running jump onto the cow's back. The cow starts mooing it's head off, and all the other cows gather round to watch. The dirty cows. And they all start mooing too. Shortly thereafter, in comes the the farmer to see what the hullaballoo is all about, only to find you frantically hanging off the back of a cow, thrusting away, and you're trying to explain about your mum but you know how it looks, of course.

"My mum!" you shout, as you hump the cow with your legs dangling in the air.

God, how embarrassing.

I'm not sure I want to go to Rotterdam with you anymore.

This sort of talk makes Rex look well behaved  ;D

In that particular situation Andy, maybe the SS would have provided you with a better option, - it would be perfectly acceptable I would imagine, in a Nazi Empire, to tell the goggle-eyed farmer that you were 'just obeying orders'.

Or maybe you could just say you were rehearsing for a new series of 24. And for Gods sake don't go round the back and see what Keiffers up to. The little dirty b*stard.

Mind you I'm not so sure a farmer would be all that surprised to stumble onto that terrible tableau. Don't try and tell me that they haven't all tried it on with their animals on many occasions. Guardians of the countryside my arse, - they always look a bit shifty and are constantly adjusting and re-adjusting their braces if you ask me, and I think I know why.

Not only do you get aural satisfaction with the ducks, but you can almost get away with walking down the High Street with one of the lovely little critters poking out between the buttons at the front of your overcoat.

£6000 on a duck house? More like a bordello.

Jeesus!I only wanted to tell you all that the ticket allocations were coming out...on the other hand,I did have this picture lurking in my favourites.
Gorgeous aint she/he

PM

Not on the magic list, I received my ticket allocation yesterday. Houx & ACO grandstand, see you there in 2010!

Sounds like David Dimbleby has joined CA

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/8356943.stm

Nice bloke, that Dimbleby feller. I was having a smoke outside my hotel in Aberdeen when he walked out and asked me for a light for his fat cigar. He was waiting for his film crew to collect him for some work he was doing. He stood with me smoking and we chatted for 10 mins or so, he was really quite ordinary, wasn't all "me me me" and was really very witty.

My allocation just arrived! It's a repeat of last year's order (Blue Nord).

Just for the record, I only bought tickets from the ACO since 99, so it can be that less than 15 years gets you on the magic list...

I certainly won't be needing them all, probably 8 up for grabs plus a few entries. If anyone needs them (face value plus postage) please contact me asap. Preference to people who have previously had them from me, then long standing CA members. Will need money before placing order please. It says that payment has to be within 1 month of this letter (10/11)

Smokie - Pm sent

Ours arrived on Saturday - we got BN but are also on the MB waiting list - that's the first time that's happened that I know of.  Have you got yours yet, LT?

DfH and Team JPC have received their letters from the ACO and we have....................






Wait for it!!!


Are you ready??


Well, we got...................


Beausebloodyjour!!!!!!  >:( >:( >:( >:(

Horrific result indeed. Still a big thank you to Mr Termite for handing in our application!
Back to the drawing board - or should I say agencies :-\

terrible news....

ah well, let's focus on the back up options

Is the CA camp at BN an option?

I believe that the TL guys have already been approached ;)

Got my first choice - Expo again this year (well, technically that should be next year I suppose)!!

 ;D

Well done again for the ACO - for the 5th year running they have managed to ignore out 1st, 2nd and 3rd choices and once again sent us the option for places in Marsailles, sorry, Beausejour (despite our app going in on the dot of day one with Mr Termite) ..... Oh thank you great and good ACO ....

Off to the over-priced touts again ....  ::)

Looks like another TL organized CA Camp on BN - not bad though

Cheers

Werner

For the last 8 years I've at least been able to detect a pattern (I've got my first choice having submitted my request on the day bookings opened) but not this time.  Ours went in together, JDS and I got my 2nd choice (bn) and am on the MB waiting list.  Mr T watched the woman write the date and time on all our applications, including DFH's.

I just think it will be such a horrible sight to watch Maison Blanche being half empty AGAIN during next year's race. Why can't these ACO people understand there are people that actually care about being at a certain campsite, instead of dumping the MB tickets onto racing teams (Peugeot) and agencies who ask for such high prices they never sell all the spots?

Utter thickness and arrogance springs to mind... :-\

it was quite good to be there, only minus was the lack of trackside action....

Agree to that - but how can we get such a large allaocation at MB? Any ideas?

We get the Melans to dress up Rex as a Taliban suicide bomber and send him into MB with the Pope Mobil. Then all 400 of us follow in as the Bomb Squad ;D

Exactly the same as we got offerd Mark. What annoys me the most is that I've had to buy tickets now from JT and when I called I got the: "well, we have a second allocation of those coming in tomorrow, so you can have those" which means that, as we all know, the ACO don't give a stuff about anybody other than the agencies and are allocating BSJ as 'default' for most I'd guess now ....

It has been said in the past, ACO do not want the hassel of dealing with 20,000+ brits and all that crap.  Sell the tickets to the 20 - 30 agency's and let them take the crap.

Simple, leaves them more time for their cheese and wine breaks.   ::)

erm , I actually got what I asked for this year, 1st choice BN. Faxed to them on the apparent 1st day for ordering and backed up with an email.
This is the 4th year that I've ordered direct from ACO (first time was in 2004).
Last year the only offered BSJ, so i was a bit suprised.
They want the payment a lot earlier this year though!

Another mug here offered damn bloody Beausejour  >:(

Sorry needed to vent that.

And me!!

Del

Feeling unloved...

Not offered anything, yet.

Aww Landman, please don't feel left out. Neither of us never got what we wanted anyway! Them ACO women are EVIL!! >:D

Time to turn to Rusty, he tends to have a few tickets for BN ;)

Has anyone noticed that the ticket.lemans.org website has also changed now too? Only able to order Beausejour/Picnen..../Darion (or however they are spelt) online anyhow, all the rest are 'not available vis the internet' - seems to me this is now the standard way forwards, which is a real shame.

For us, looks like 2010 will be seen from the comfort of Eurosport/Motors TV at home (whoever the ACO sell the rights to now thay have taken that back 'in-house' too) as the tickets we wanted were just too expensive from the touts (with their requirement for so many over-priced GE tickets thrown into the mix) and with 2/3 of the 'team' facing redundency/contract cancellations in the next 3 months we just did not have the funds to buy there and then ..... Real shame, but there will always be other years  :'(

Why not get cut in on the CA/Team Langoustine deal for Camping Bleu Nord? I think it was 65eu per ticket last year. And a terrific hoot too.

And no need to buy GA tickets from them!

TL announcement regarding BN coming very soon!

I got this from them a couple of weeks ago. Sounds like everything is in order.




Bob

I have allocated CA 90 places at the moment, but have requested more on your behalf from the ACO.

It might be worth me allocating them to one of CA and they can then organize where your facilities go.

I am happy to take individual payments, but you may find it better for yourselves, if you decide amongst yourselves, who goes where.

 

What do you think?

Andy

TL

Just got home.

*sharp intake of breath*

Letter from the ACO!

Allocated 2 pitches on Beasejour  >:(

"Beausejour is the only campsite still available"

Twats!

Have any of you caught on to the new regime yet?

Unless you are very, very, very lucky, when applying for campsite tickets throught the ACO you will probably get Beausejour. This will get worse next year and so on.

They can easily sell the "premium" sites to agencies or corporates now which leaves the great unwashed well out of the way.

I think we've been incredibly lucky to stike a deal with TL like we have. I will never bother with the ACO again. I don't know why everybody gets so upset every year when you know you're going to get screwed by the ACO again.

Granted I won't pay over the odds for 2 GAs per ticket but getting friendly with an agency is the only way forward. Just think of all that time spent worrying which could instead be spent on designing new automated campsite security systems which will text your phone the instant anyone with a faint whiff of garlic comes within 100 yards  ;D